The worst fear to have is a fear of ones self, you can’t run or hide from yourself, when scared you cannot stop yourself. I am terrified of myself everyday..i can hurt me more then anyone else. I have lived with this fear for a long time, but yet again the fear has grown. The fear grows when my emotions get stronger and sadder, when i feel empty and comatose’d. I cannot run or hide or stop myself anymore. I have no one or nothing to hold back the frightful me from hurting the scared me. I am a monster….just not of my own making.. […]
Tag:
Bruise
Do I have a sign saying “shes vunerable, take advantage” on my back?
by lonelyinside
written by lonelyinside
This crap is getting really old. My new boyfriend, the one afore mentioned, turns out to be nothing that i was expecting under pressure.
The story starts on Thursday after school. Im texting him and his ‘best friend’ takes his phone and starts a convo with me like she knows me. Being the polite girl i am, i keep talking to her. She then tells me she has feelings for my bf and so my friend takes my phone and politely tells her(under me) that there needs to be boundaries cuz were dating. This girl starts trippin on me and i leave with my best […]
I must be really awesome. I do everything for everyone and in return I was told to die by my mom my sister I’m learning how to deal with (but yes she still beats me and I fucking beat her when she does) then I was thrown into a fireplace and now have a bruise the size of half my arm swollen and tender to the touch. Awh I have a good life huh? Then my mom called me ugly. And beat me with a brush. Sister suffocated me so I couldn’t scream. I hate my life I feel like I’m losing my best friend […]
“Where you gonna be tomorrow? How’re you gonna face the sorrow? Where are you gonna be when you die?” -Tomorrow, Nikki Sixx
I was letting music play while I cut and this song came on. I know the song by heart, as well as the other songs on the album. Nikki Sixx is my hero. He’s helped me see that I’m beautiful, scars and all. I feel strong, even though I’ve been cutting. I fell to the ground and slammed my head on the floor. There’s a huge bump and bruise, but that’s my own fault. I shouldn’t have been standing and cutting at the same […]
hello, well as you all know my life is a complete down buzz. if you dont well heres y… i have leukemia (cancer)
i get seriously bullied and no one cares about me. i have not told a living sole but i am planning my death and i need help…
i am seriously ugly now i have no hair and im always purpley blueish like a giant bruise. do you think if i was to dink half a bottle or more of bleech will it kill me i might even add in the meds i take. i wanna give up but then again i want help, what […]
So two weeks ago I almost decided to go through with ending it all. I was in the tub, hot water and all. Instruments neatly set up on the side. Box cutter, scalpel, syringe, needles plenty of options to choose from. At that point I had used all of them to inflict harm upon my body knowing it would not result in my death but instead give me some relief from the hell of my life. Upon deciding which one to choose that would do the job right I remembered I never had the opportunity to use the syringe. It was sterilized considering I stole […]
That night…tall grass bathed in moonlight. The stars sparkle brightly as the North Pole’s breath travels down to where we are and dances across your cheek. Tall grass and white flowers..in that place  next to the brook and that wise old tree. We would stretch out between the roots under the spot where you carved our initials when we were young. The place where we fell in love, where you first tried to kiss me and I pulled away and ran as you chased me until i tripped over a secret root and you fell on top of me. Dear God we were only 13 and 14 […]
Welcome, step inside my mind!
If you aren’t worried now, its a matter of time,
Till you break through the seal, and feel what i feel,
even then for you it will never be real.
My mental health? How bad could it be?
Well its hanging by threads! Im crazy you see?
Depression has me thinking of things that are vile,
I cut and i bruise and it makes me smile,
The pain I enjoy it, frightening enough,
And when I try to put the ones that I love,
first instead of myself,
It really makes me think…
Don’t do this they love you, try for them,
But my mind just continues to sink..
I needed help before this […]
Once I had a dream that I had just made an attempt to hang myself and I was looking in the mirror and there was a blue and purple bruise around my neck. A little more than a week ago I made an attempt and I looked in the mirror after I cut the noose off and my face looked awful. My normal coloring didn’t return until a few days later — I had to cover up with makeup and even then it looked bad.
That last attempt was the closest I have ever been to dying. I passed out and my coming to was accidental, […]
so i have this best friend who knows everything about me… he means the world to me and he knows litterally everything about me and i think i know everything about him.
the other day i told him i self harmed (i have been doing it on and off since last september) and he knew i had done it in the past, but i promised him i would tell him before i would do it again. I didnt… and well lets just say he found out and i wish i never said anything.
he had threatened in the past to cut himself twice as hard, which caused […]
funny the way pain works isn’t it?
The way it doesn’t hurt to hurt yourself
But when someone else does it, it more than just smirks.
The rush that we get
from a knife and a slit
Can relieve the pain of the day
But a harsh word just may
Ruin that day
And make that slit much larger
It’s not the physical pain thats hard to deal with
A bruise or a cut will heal soon if
We treat it the way we should
But the words and the thoughts
From our heads do so rot
Inside of our soul forever
A prick there a cut […]
i used to be afraid of the dark
Didn’t we all?
Until I grew up and grew smart
Did I realize how small
My fear really is
Because now darkness is my mistress
And I her faithful servant
I can’t explain why I choose
To live life in shadow
In hate
In the dark
Maybe I’m just so used to it
That I don’t know where else to start
my day then without a ray
Of light
Of hope
Of joy
People say it’s not healthy to live this way
To love nothing but ones one own blood
But today I will stay and let that […]