so i mentioned in an earlier post today and i try not to post more than once a day. but i thought i was fine after i swerved off the road and spun the car and whatever but im not. im fine physically. but i had to go in a car for a half hour twice today and the first time i was just trying not to cry, and i thought it was because of all the terrible shit happening in my life recently and the fact that i was going to come back down on thursday and see the one person who i know […]
well the past 2 days have been the worst. to start with i started cutting 3 days ago one of my best friends oded on pills and i don’t know if she is alive right now. ive been thinking about hanging my self for the past 2 days and i have a pill bottle on my desk full of random shit. im not scared to kill myself just scared to fail(again). oh and on top of that my best friend was in a car accident that left him paralyzed. why do i get the shittest life possible. honestly i could write a ten page essay on […]
I’m done. I can’t believe I have to keep waking up for the nextâ€¦ what? How long? I don’t know what is going to happen with my marriage or anything else. I don’t know how my â€¦ selfâ€¦ is going to affect my kids. How long am I going to just be getting from one end of the day to the other? I don’t want to say it’s unfair, because no one’s inflicting it on me. I don’t know how God works, but I know God doesn’t work like this. Personal freedoms, free-will, poor choices, poor judgment.. Tendencies toward self destruction, self harm, self abuse. […]
At a very young age, at about 7, I accepted that, in my words and thoughts at the time, “sometimes other people will have what you aren’t meant to”. At the time, I was referring to far simpler things, yet still…. despite feeling very deprived, I struggled on trying to get what I could out of life. Life never seemed to give me back anything for my trying.
See…. by 3 years old, I had already had the skin of my hands boiled off. I don’t remember the event itself, but I sure remember the way my hands looked afterward. I also remember the fact […]
Well, I guess, My story starts about 1 year ago… I had been struggling with Insomnia and would do anything to get a full nights rest. I was mean, angry and on the verge of tears constantly. My friend had the same issue, but not as bad, her mom had bought some all natural sleeping aids. They worked great for myÂ friend and I was envious! I had asked my mom as soon as I heard about the success, if she could maybe be open to me trying them out.. I was shut down so fast… I was angry and hurt that she had said […]
Most people know me as the girl who’s always smiling and laughing. Most dont know I suffer from depression. I’ve wanted to die everyday since I was eight. I have tried to kill myself twice by overdosing and both times i’ve failed. My own boyfriend thinks im crazy and so does my whole family. I started cutting yesterday. I think I did it because no one is there for me. No one wants to listen. The only person I told about my cutting was my bestfriend Sean, but that backfired because my boyfriend was with him. My boyfriend is now sending me rude texts saying […]
Again, it’s me.
I figure I should do a re-cap just so no one gets lost.
My father abandoned my mother and I when I was five months old.
My mother met a new guy when I was four and I caught them having sex. Since that night, she made me watch and take part in sexual activities.
My mother moved me twelve hours away from my last piece of sanity and put me through hell with that new guy.
When I was eight my mother and I were out of a house so she shipped me off to my fathers.
While living with my […]
My name is Richelle. I am 13 years old, living in Sydney, Australia. This is my first post. The start of my depression began, in my opinion, around the age of 8. I had no friends, so I talked to the school counselor, Wendy, whenever I could. We played Go Fish or Snap and talked all lunch. She was my best friend, and I thought she was so beautiful. I wanted to be like her when I grew up.
The day before my 9th birthday was my last day with her. She said even tho the next day was her day off, she’d come anyway so […]
Hello! I’m writing this in order to get some help, and be sure that i’ve made the right decision.
I wrote this to another person on another website:Â <<<Â I feel the same as you do/did “Every day I wake up feeling terrible! I don’t want to die,i just don’t want to live like this.” and i felt it since i was your age 17/18 and then i was dreaming about killing myself but i talked to others and i was to weak to take my own life so i said that i’ll wait, that things will get better, two years have passed and i had a big […]
There’s no such thing like a purpose or a meaning in life, in fact the whole universe exists without a special reason or purpose. People invented the notion of “purpose in life” so they could cope better with other people’s mistakes, selfishness, cruelty, or because they envy other people’s realisations and thereby they feel less worthy to society and need something to make them go on. It’s a form of self defense, I think. So why is it bad to want to stop carrying traumatic,bad memories or incurable diseases with you? Because other people would suffer from losing you?
We are conditioned to think we have […]
Im 18, inÂ NovemberÂ of 2012 I was in a bad car accident. I had a head onÂ collisionÂ with a tree, as a result i mangled my leg and have and face severalÂ surgeriesÂ and a year and half of recovery. ThisÂ isntÂ theÂ firstÂ time ive felt like ending it all im a ex drug andÂ alcoholÂ abuser. After my accident I thought id have people there for me, but the people I call friends haveÂ forgottenÂ bout me. Mostly because I cant andÂ don’tÂ want to party anymore, sometimes I wish IÂ hadÂ just died that night. Recently ive also found out the sports I love That I can no longer play. I just feel lost imÂ dabblingÂ in drugs andÂ alcoholÂ again just […]
be straight up I suppose…. My names SerenaÂ , I’m in 7th grade at Bemidji Middle School , I have a smile on my face most of the time(= , but everybody knows im ‘depressed’ , because …. I cut myself , a lot… my legs , my arms , my wrists , my stomach…. It make’s me feel better. I don’t know what else to do! , I ALWAYS get called a ; HOE , WHORE , **** , ***** , FAT , UGLY , WORTHLESS , ATTENTION WHORE , DUMB , BOYFRIEND STEALER , etc.. It sucks , a lot , I don’t […]
Still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I wish I had never grown up. I’m lost and not sure I want to be found. It feels like I just exist. It doesn’t feel like I’m meant to do anything great, or really anything at all. I hate my job. I hate where I live, how I live. I hate who I’ve become, and who I’ve not become. I used to have hopes and dreams but now I just like to sleep and let my dreams take me away from reality. I don’t think killing myself is the answer though I […]
What the hell am I goiing to do next time I have eye surgery? What am I going to do when I’m badgered by my grandparents just because they care very little about anyone but themselves? I hate them to the point of murder. I nearly got locked away the other week because of that shit. Maybe I should go hang in their place just to fucking scare them, but unfortunately I won’t be coming back to witness their destruction from grieving over me.
But then I remember the fact that I have people who actually care about me. I guess I can get them to […]
I am healing. Bit by bit and slowly. I am regaining the smile I’fe been hiding and ignoring for years.
But I am scared. Still scared.
I am hated and loved, used and cared by people all around. I thought families, blood, adopted, and steps were suppose to care, help, love. I never got that.
From my mother or my step-father. My brother and my birth father were the only ones who cared.
My brother was my protector and my real father was my savior when he took full custody of me. But though healing. I am still scared.
I lost the one man who […]
ive always been a daddys girl, growing up i always wanted to be with him! every field trip, every camping trip, my dad was the first person i ran to.. my mom and dad split when i was in 5th grade and things started to change.. i saw my dad cry for the first time, i have never seen him so mad. my dad started drinking and became more agressive.. i eventually came out to my parents and my dad didnt mind at all my mom at first was uneasy with it then she came around.. reacently i lost my girlfiend in a car accident, […]
I can’t get this feeling to go away. I feel bitter, I feel lost, I feel helpless..Â I want to drink myself into a coma. I try so hard to make everyone happy even though everything is literally falling apart all around me. My best friend’s sister died 3 months ago in a drunk driving accident, she was 19. Â even though we weren’t that close, she was still like an older sister to me. and I have never seen someone so young and so beautiful be so still and so lifeless. she didn’t even look like herself at all.. it haunts me everyday, all I can […]
I tried to kill myself on halloween, vodka and sleeping pills, the cowards way out right, i was rushed to the hospital then a psych ward. My outlook changed, my close brush with death maybe. its been a week since i lost my friend in a car accident, i heard about it 3 days after, im losing it, why did she deserve to die, i dont want to die but the voice in my head that left after halloween is back, i was going to spend my winter break with her now im going to be visting a funeral, i think its time to switch […]
I think I’ve officially lost my fucking mind. When someone that I love doesn’t talk to me for an hour or I haven’t heard from them in like a day I will make up this whole story in my head that something’s happened. I will actually talk to myself and feel the actually pain that I’ve lost them. For example I’mÂ freakingÂ out nowÂ becauseÂ my boyfriend hasn’t talked to me since last night and he’s not online. I have made up this whole story that I’m going to eventually call his phone and his mom is going to answer and tell me he died in a car accident […]
hello my name is stan,im a 18 yearold highschool student, the thing that ment the most to me in my life was taken away monday , my gf or i guess you could say ex gfÂ (whos name will not be said) she was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver in the rain at around 10 pm we were dateing since 5th grade we were both seniors. she was the love of my life we were engaged i was gonna marry this amazing beautiful women she helped me with everything she made me who i am today when ever i was doing […]