My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me saying that he no longer loved me. It sounds so pathetic that I’m this upset about it, but when we were together I felt lonely, and I feel even lonelier now I’m not with him. Yesterday I attempted to jump off the top of a car park but he stopped me. My parents are impossible to talk too, and I’m scared of my friends running away from my problems because they are too much. Tomorrow I intend to kill myself because I have no hope anymore. I dont even know if people on here will care. […]
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Car Park
After over a decade of trying to slog on through this bleak existence, and being guilt-tripped continuously into persevering, I am all out of stamina for the fight anymore. Â Too many things, too many broken emotions, too many medical tags stuck onto this tortured, agony-racked being. Â I don’t even think those closest to my heart would begrudge me seeking eternal peace and relief from this cruel world, if they could understand the pain I go through on a daily basis.
I have had 3 botched overdoses with different meds, and tried hanging once but the cord stretched too much, and contemplated stepping off the roof of […]
It would be nice if, for once, leaving your house didn’t mean potentially ending up in that school parking lot by myself at 3 in the morning.
I’m driving, and I can feel it coming on. I knew it was going to happen as soon as you touched me and my thoughts immediately replaced your hands with his. I held it off the whole evening so I could enjoy my time with you but as soon as I’m alone again, I am truly alone. The wheel become harder to control as my hands start shaking and my breathing gets ragged. My head becomes lighter and fills […]
This morning, European time, I ventured out early to purchase a couple of things in readiness for my departure. It was a strangely unreal experience as I haven’t shopped during Christmas for many years….The last two years were spent in Afghanistan and other central Asian countries, I forgot what it would be like to walk amongst the throng of happy Santa’s and the annoying buzz of Christmas carols. I sat in the car park of a major toy store considering my first major step with this decision. It was a weird surreal moment walking to the front door, expecting to be confronted with smiling faces, […]
I should be happy. I should be.
My psych didn’t change my meds yesterday. I still want to die. Tried hanging a couple of times before. Maybe I’ll jump today for a change. There’s a 13 level multi-storey car park across the road.
Told me to call the suicide hotline if I’m going to do it. Why do I feel this way? I don’t have any real reason to want to die.