It has been almost a year…
Since I lost the man I love.
Since he gave up.
Since my daughter lost the father she never got a chance to meet.
 Since he shot himself.
I was six months pregnant with his only child.
She is perfect.
She looks just like him.
But he won’t ever know that.
He is gone.
He has been gone for nine months and twenty-nine days.
It feels like it has been centuries.
I watch the one video clip I have of him just so I don’t forget his voice.
I really do. I’m a sadist. I get off on hurting people and torturing people.
I have never felt happiness in any real sense, in any sense YOU would understand. But fear, the atmosphere of terror after some horrible event, the way fear creeps through a small community after a murder, I LOVE that.
I recall, one day I was walking home from work – slow, dejected, tired – I saw news of a local murder and some grim new details of it. And I instantly perked up, I thanked God for such bloody work and walked home with a spring in my step.
And I think this […]
Sometimes, when I answer you I ask a question of you;
If you really had a choice, how would you choose?
Or
If you had a magic wand to fix your life,
How would you wave it?
Or
If you had a switch, that you could throw, that would end your suffering without killing you, would you throw it?
Would you?
More important than discussing the possibility of such magics, is discussing your will to use them.
What good is a true solution if you won’t use it?
And is there such a switch?
Does such a choice exist?
Can you have such power over your own life?
Yes
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