In the mood for some Hicks today…
My wish is this one day I have it all ended. Where Do I began? Im 16, Just faking everything. I attempted Sucicde countless times from anything from Suffocation, Overdose, Cutting, Strangling and have tried hanging. All of them have failed and caused pain for me. I have a girlfriend I hate my life and my family. I wish I could run away and not be affected by anything. I got into trouble at school for Depression thoughts, Self-Harm. I was sent to the hospital twice for a week. Put me on meds and never really helped. The Hospitial is out and I will run from it like I had before. Here’s my note for this world and in a few weeks I will put myself to sleep with a bullet.
You told me to be happy so I did that and Im very proud for the decision i took. You told me I will find her, Mostly I blame all of this shit on you.
You tried to help me, But I was going to do this anyways, One day he/she will come and May God bless you all. I hope for the best for you all.
If you are sad I am sad too, Live your life to the fullest and I love you and I will be in your heart forever, I hope you find him and he will make you happy. Sorry it couldn’t be me and Im sorry for this love. I had lived through alot and I personally care for you. It was my choice and it will never be your fault.
If you are listening to my thoughts please Forgive me as this gun goes through my head. I had enough and I know you had a plan but this is my plan. How much I hated life. Thank you for the blessings and friends.
To whom it may concern,
I had friends I deeply care but their lives was cut short. I guess Hell will be waiting as I made a sin and not put effort to believe. This is my choice and i wanted it so bad that I even tried many times. Im unworthy of all this. Let my death tell you something,!Live your life dont let it go. Life is a highway.
And finally The Date should be 27th of June. Guess that gives me time. I have decided and only God can change that. Send me back to hospital Once free Ill find and commit this misery life Im in.
Thanks, Please Dont help me
No human alive or dead has or has had the authority to judge another.
My unit (War Eagles), more specifically our platoon (2nd Platoon The wolfpack), has many sayings for when we are down range. As an airborne division NCO and lead NCO of my unit we have one in special attention. As an airborne MP, (I don’t judge anyone, that’s the God of their choice to decide. We are here to arrange the meeting.)
Tonight I am going to set my own.
GORY GORY WHAT A HELLUVA WAY TO DIE
GORY GORY WHAT A HELLUVA WAY TO DIE
GORY GORY WHAT A HELLUVA WAY TO DIE
I AIN’T GONNA JUMP NO MORE
this world is not for everyone
In fact, everything in this world is not meant for everyone
Some people is not meant to be in this cruel cruel world and most of the time, that someone knows it. They know that this is not where they belong. they know that there are other places for them. The place they can be themselves without getting reject or being judge.
There are two decisions for these people:
At the end of the day, it’s that person’s choice to choose.
are you these people? have you chosen a choice yet? are you sure about it?
I am one person who are still trying to figure out which direction I am going to choose.
I’ll have no choice but to kill myself. I know how much harder it is to do and how much more painful it will be, being as obese as I am. But I have no choice. $1200 to the IRS this year with a potential $6000 for next year, only making half of what I made last year, $800 rent to not be homeless, then they demand $500/mo now for my student loans when I don’t even fucking have money to eat any god damn thing at all now. Life isn’t fucking worth it. I can’t be homeless or survive prison being unable to walk or stand. Even jumping in front of a train feels like that’s almost impossible with my disabilities. But now I have no choice.
I’m packing up my life. Tying up loose ends. Cleaning it out. It’s making me really sad actually. Almost like this person has died already and I’m packing up her life.
I know it’s my choice. I can stay if I really want to. I just don’t think it’s an option anymore. But this girl, she seems like she had potential. Seems like she left a big hole it the lives of so many people.
This is hard.
I saw your post and went to comment on it and to tell you thank you for that. And that I was going to listen to it along with Hazy’s music choice while I lay around on the sand.
I’m trying to get my latest pic up but it’s not wanting to upload….of course that could be my fault, it’s hard to see under such harsh sunlight. I’ll keep trying.
I don’t have the date exactly set, and I’ve only just begun physically drafting the note, after going over it in my head for years. I’m just done. This isn’t out of desperation, fear, etc, I’ve simply made my choice. One I’ve been wrestling with for years. Its too bad though, it was going to be so peaceful and relaxed and no one I care about would have to be the one to find me, but, its most likely not going to work out like that anymore. It doesn’t matter, I’ve made my choice. I may yet decide to postpone the date, but I’m feeling very good about next weekend. Anyways, hope you all are doing well.
I have things I want to do. I want to do so much. But I can’t. I have no money. No possible way to leave this place. I’m scared to talk to the one person I trust. I want to be loved. I want to be married. I want someone to like me enough to love me and to want to be with me the rest of my life. But that probably won’t happen. I need to leave this place. And I was going to try to move this year. But that won’t be possible. I don’t even have a fucking car. I’ve had so many small things happen when I drive that I’m terrified whenever I get behind the wheel. But I can’t tell people that. Because then they would know something is wrong with me. And no one can know. I have already told too many people. But no one can know.
When the powerball was at 1.5billion or whatever it was, I bought two tickets because why not? As it got closer to the time the winning number was announced, I was at my cousins at a family thing and everyone was telling me “oh you need to do these things with the money” and I just agreed. Because everything they said implied I was going to actually live longer than January 1st 2017. I didn’t win the powerball obviously. But I’ve been thinking recently what I would do with the money I won if I won. And I wouldn’t do the things they were telling me. I would’ve probably cashed out the money and moved to like the uk or something to get away from everyone. And I would live there. And from there I would decide if I should keep living or not. It would be a whole new start. And if it didn’t work out I would donate my money to help people who actually have a desire to live and kill myself.
I started college today again. And I hate it. I hate it so much. I never wanted to go to college. Sure I kinda wanted to be a teacher. But I’d honestly rather not. The majority of my students would probably hate me anyways. I’m only doing it because I have no choice. I don’t get a choice in the matter. I only get to decide what I major in.
I will never get what I want in this world unless I somehow get money. And a car. Because I could at least live out of my car if I had gas and food money. But even when I get a car I’ll probably have a car payment due every month. And since I have no credit I have to get my dad to coding so I can’t just drive off with the car.
I don’t know what to do.
I think I might try texting my person tomorrow because I obviously can’t do stuff on my own. I hope I don’t chicken out and he replies.
i’m a sick and fucked up person, i’m the kind of person i hate. i have spent years of my life doing disgusting and creepy things, and it’s messed with my brain. and i have deeply hurt my girlfriend, despite how much i love her.
i have had a lot of suicidal thoughts recently, but this is different. this is logical, not emotional. i have always believed that creeps like me are scum who deserve to die. so why should i let myself live? i am putting everything into changing and becoming a better person, but what if i can’t change? if this sick and disgusting perversion is so deeply ingrained in me, isn’t killing myself the right thing to do? wouldn’t that be the unselfish choice? i have always been afraid of letting my selfishness win out by killing myself. but maybe sometimes ridding the world of your influence is the right thing to do?
all of this is confusing, but i know i’m not willing to keep living if i’m going to be this evil person. and if i can’t change, i need to know that killing myself is the right choice, because i don’t see any other alternatives.
I lost my ex after a drug induced psychosis and spent all of my money (10 k ) in a year and have recently had to start again. I’ve saved up some money again and have met someone new but I just don’t feel it with her, and people complain about my customer service at work because I look depressed. I feel so repulsive all the time. I bought some oleander cuttings and plan to make tea and eat the leaves tonight. I’m not sure if it will work but I know if it does my family will be devastated, but I’m just fed up with living I don’t find any enjoyment in life anymore. I’m 18. I’ve been depressed on and off since I was 11.
I speak to you as a victim of suicide. My mother and an uncle committed suicide.
There are many theories of death, but I will give you the most likely: It’s nothingness. Unconsciousness, as we know it, is that space between falling asleep and waking up. It’s what happens when you undergo surgery, or pass out. For a suicider, this is the most likely positive outcome. The suicider wants an end to the distress, and this appears to fit the bill.
But what if suicide carries with it consequences that are potentially worse? When the suicider makes the choice to squander the life given to him or her, who knows whether there will be a penalty for that choice? For the sake of argument, we’ll assume that death – even if by choice of a suicider – results in the same blackness that any other form of unconsciousness brings.
One final note on the result of the commission of suicide: We humans have a certain sense of arrogance that is, well, uniquely human. We feel like we’re entitled to more than we actually are. Victorian era beliefs, some based on religion and many couched in the arrogant idea of supremacy (the “unsinkable” Titanic, for example) lent themselves towards the unrealistic expectation of eternal life after death. Humans, the superior species! They shall always live, even after death. Ya, right.
Suiciders have certain identifiable, uniquely human characteristics. They represent the most human of all humans. First and foremost, they are always selfish and self-absorbed. The galaxy that a suicider lives in is composed of planets and suns that revolve around the suicider. Who happens to exist in those other planets are irrelevant to the suicider. The suicider’s life and well being are always of paramount concern to the suicider.
Accordingly, the suicider cares little for others, or others’ welfare. The suicider is often needy and self-focused, and will manipulate others to obtain gratification and satisfy their own ends. The suicider thrives on attention, but, paradoxically, appears to outwardly shun it. The suicider most often fits the criteria for clinical depression but will often not seek treatment for it, owing to his or her own narcissist visions of him or herself.
If you’re a suicider-in-the-making, consider the consequences of your choice, OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF. I know, it’s hard to consider other people, especially when you’re wrapped up in yourself. If you don’t think anyone will be affected by your choice, consider the possibilities of your “final act” on yourself. You don’t know for sure what they will be, and you certainly cannot be guaranteed the peace you’re seeking. You also cannot go back and put the plan into reverse, because this is the only life any of of us have been given.
I’ve been here before.
Broken, alone, my heart so sore.
The sadness runs deep
My hill to steep.
My dreams a rumbling nightmare.
And All I can wonder is,
Why should I care.
I’m not in despair.
I just can’t figure out,
If this is fair.
They claim they’re is karma.
The good and the bad.
I should be glad.
I’ve done many good deeds.
And I should be freed.
Yet, here I am
Sitting in the dark.
Waiting for just a little spark.
A spark of good in life.
Can’t I give up?
This losing fight.
I’m tired of waiting for my light.
I want to sleep.
My last words to be goodnight.
But then I’d be a disappointment.
Like they all claim me to be.
I’m living in misery.
I want to smile and be what I used to be.
And I wonder what you see,
When you look at me.
I feel the emptiness of my heart.
And know, you can’t see anything good in me.
I feel my end come near.
I’m giving up, I fear.
Do not cry,
Not for me when I die
I’ll smile peacefully.
For my battle will be over.
The silent tears will come to an end.
And I’ll be home and happy my friend.
No madness, no wonder, no fight.
My fight will end this night.
No longer living for nothing.
But dying for everything.
My life no longer a lie.
I’m secretly begging to sort.
The happiness will soon sink in.
Not looking for a light,
Finally getting my last words.
In a whisper you’ll hear, goodnight.
I know you’ll be sad.
And I’m sorry, I can’t feel bad.
I’m finally happy, given the end.
I’ve always wanted.
No pain, no misery.
Finally happy, being me.
Can’t you see?
All the pain faded from me.
Like my long lost dream.
I’m finally free.
All my good deeds.
Paid in full.
Lost in choice,
I’ve had no choice.
But now, you can hear me.
Hear me sing,
A lovely melody.
Better than Rhapsody.
The song of my heart.
So broken and so scared.
A heart and doing life stole.
Returned to me.
But only in my dying.
Don’t you see?
All of what life has done to me?
I lay my head to rest.
Peace has finally come.
My life is a song of a million tries.
Taking my last breath as I die.
My final words shine bright,
As I whisper silently.
According to the dictionary definitions of freedom include:
a : the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action
b : liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another : independence
I been thinking a lot about these two definitions. Take definition A For example – when people denies your right to choose or passes legislation to prevent choice (especially in terms of right to die), isn’t that coercion? Isn’t that constraint in choice or action? Look at example B – isnt the human condition in of itself a form of slavery? We are restrained by the laws of nature, and have to answer to the majority.
To me, freedom is much more than just a democratic society, it’s a state of being that is impossible to achieve. We are enslaved by weather, mortality, diseases, accidents, our neurochemistry, and suffering. We must work for someone to keep the world running.
That is not freedom. I’m not advocating anti work or anti responsible authority, my point is freedom is impossible. To me, freedom would be a transhumanistic utopia where the main goal is to play and create. A far future society were suffering and death is the thing of the past and post scarcity becomes a reality. Basically we would become gods from a technological standpoint, able to do what we wish without the ability to harm anyone. A world were everyone has equal abilities and complete control over mind and body. Since that can’t happen anytime soon, what other choices do we have? I for one, would like to have the choice to have a bottle of N setting next to me. I may never use it but it would give me a sense of comfort, lesson my fears, and give me some peace knowing it’s there if I ever need it.
I would also like to have the option of neuropreservation so that I can be revived in the far future when a techno-utopia can become a reality – a company called Alcor is already doing this. But it costs 80000 dollars. The government could subsidize that organization to make that price drop for the population.
because of the coercive laws that puts a constraint in my choice or action, that option would never be given to me.
freedom means different things to different people. And all should be validated as long as they are not harming anyone.
what is freedom to you?
None of us signed a contract to be born. It was the choice of our parents. In my case, my immature 19 and 21 year old parents choose to have sex without a condom, than decided not to get an abortion when biomom got pregnant. Me, the person effected the most by my parents irresponsible choices, has no choice to opt out of life. At least not the way I want to.
Why does our CULTure and the medical establishment consider it a mental illness to not want to live anymore? they think it’s absolutely nuts not to wanna live in a world were your enslaved by nature and societies rules, delaying the inevitable, with no real freedom. Sad thing is, these Neurochavanist dont even realize how pointless life really is because there brain tricks them into believing that life has value (look up Positive Brain Bias). It’s an evolutionary thing that apparently I live without.
Reminds me of the Soviet Union. When its citizens complained about not wanting to live under communism, they was sent to a psychiatric hospital, often for decades. The Soviet Union would diagnose these people with “sluggish skitsophrenia”, an illness that doesn’t even exist. They thought it was absolutely nuts to not wanna live in a world were your everyday life is controlled by the government. Sound familiar?
Most people are stupid I guess. When I went to the psyche ward last month, it did help me. But the help was only temporary. The feeling better part only lasted for a week or two, then I was thrusted back into reality. While I’ll never attempt suicide again, I would still love to have the option of a peaceful exit handed to me in a controlled environment. I’d take that option (which I don’t consider traditional suicide), unfortunately stupid people run our society which means I do not have the luxury of having that choice.
Funny thing is, the doctors told me if I’m feeling suicidal again, to call 911. Yeah that ain’t gonna happen. I’d call a suicide hotline first or at least have my aunt drive me to the hospital instead of being humiliated by cops and ambulances. Stupid society! Here’s some more random stupidity……
our society calls babies born without brains (just the brain stem), miracles
our society believes in an invisible sky fairy who put us all here to serve him like a slave
our society wants to keep us alive no matter what….even though we are going to die at some point anyway.
What does those 3 examples tell yall about society? Doesn’t that sound nuts to you? We are not crazy, THERE CRAZY!
Look I want to die and i need help. I m tried the scripts and not worked. I have no means to do this and i need help from somewhere. I need to be dead by the morning am desporate. I really need ********. I really really am begging anybody with any idea to help me escape from this existence. There is no hope my dream is to not wake up tomorrow and no matter how many different pills i take i keep waking up. what can i do? this is my dream. this is no gesture this is no gesture this important that. I am deceased by tomorrow and i dont know how to do it. I dont want to be painful but I read the only way possible is very painful and I want to find another choice other than opening up my veins and bleeding the death if I cannot find if I keep waking up I have no choice. This is incredibly rediculous how nothing seems to freaking be working.
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