I know genreally pill overdoses fail and such but mine is well backed up my extensive research so its not a option. I know there is the chance i will end up in hostipal in agnosing pain as my liver will be completly destroyed after 200 pills of these kind but thats a risk im willing to take. Hanging was my go to for a long time but I just cant bare for my parents to hear “your daughters hung herself” its just too brutal exleast this way they will get to be by my bedside in hostipal. It pains me to be typing this […]
Consider the following, albeit imperfect, analogy.
The inventor of the automobile designed his creation to need both gasoline and oil. Remove one or the other and it will not function properly, if at all.
Then consider yourself a creation made by God, Who designed you as being both body and spirit. You feed yourself the best of foods (or medications) but you neglect feeding your spirit – you will be deficient in what it takes to make you *run* properly.
Trust me, friend. I scoffed for many years at God. Who needs it? I’m my own person, I am independent, I don’t need anyone or […]
I wasn’t planning on posting here for another couple of days, but recent circumstances have altered my plans. June 27, 2010 is the day that one of my best friends took his own life. I write a memorial post here each year on that day as a way for me to remember him by. Last night another one of my friends committed suicide. It’s been numbing, as I’ve realized how little it affects me. Not because I don’t care, as this is a person that I had a great deal of respect for, and someone that I genuinely enjoyed being around. I know he had […]
i dont know what to do my so called best friend is now best friends with my sis and none of them is speaking to me because i sh and i did it infront of her one day she said she would have to take time to trust me again. (i wouldnt normally do it infront of anyone but my partner walked out that day and my whole life revolves around him i lost control ) i spoke to her today well, i got a msg she said thats why she hates me and i hate me. have done for a while im severely depressed, […]
Hi everyone my name is Sunflower. I have been a member of this sight for a while now (over a year i think maybe 2). This sight has helped me tremendously. When I had no one I came here to talk and express my feelings. Ive made friends here; some of whom havent come on for a while and I hope are doing well. When Â I say I love you all i mean it. My life has been hell, confusing and oh so very lonely and SP has been my light through all the darkness. Anyone who I havent talked to on here i do […]
I really don’t want to live like this any longer. I don’t even want to live at all any longer. Yet for some reason I keep procrastinating. Could it be fear? Possibly. I’ve been raised to believe that suicide is a sin and is a one way ticket to hell. Is hell much worse than what I’m living in now? I don’t know. Usually, the unknown has scared me. Could it be hope? Possibly. Why I should have any hope left in my heart is beyond me. Maybe there is the tiniest shred of hope in the deepest corners of my heart, but my brain […]
i can’t even begin to recount the times i’ve tried to kill myself – i started in 2nd grade – i’ve been married nearly 20 years – 4 children –
i’ve been hospitalized twice – once as an adult 2 years a go
i’m not diagnosed as personality disorder – but as i’ve read about it – i’m pretty sure i am – but this total break didn’t come until a family member did the most treacherous betrayal deed that could be done –
i never grieved the horrid act against me – but my child –
that was 6 years a go – and for me – it […]
It’s too late to say sorry. It’s too late to come clean. It’s too late to come back. It’s too late to be a “friend”. It’s too late.
You had a lot of chances. I rooted for you. You let me down and I’m ok with that.
I’m not ok with my life. I am not ok with having suffered as a result of my choices that were made while trying desperately to improve my circumstances. I am not ok for suffering and hurting for helping others. I am not ok with people who are mean-spirited, vile, and empty making my life miserable even though I try […]
I’ve lost a job I loved. And I need to to pay this month’s rent and the next and etc. And I can’t fathom any of this because before all of this I was the suicidal girl and that never changed, though the circumstances that effected my life did. But how can I begin to start again when all I want more than anything is death? I have interests, but the only driving force that really exists within me is anything that gets me closer to death. This is my secret that I can’t tell anyone. Until my eventual suicide says it all.
I’m a single mom and my whole world has collapsed around me. Â I was laid off from work and cannot find another job. Â The bank foreclosed on my home. Â My only vehicle broke down and was towed to an impound lot. Â My mother passed away and I couldn’t afford to go to her funeral – my own mother’s funeral. Â I’ll NEVER forgive myself!
I have no money at all…none! Â I can’t even get myself to the food pantry without a car. Â On top of everything else, Â I caught the flu, my washer machine flooded my home, the microwave started on fire, the garage door broke and […]
The mistake that most people make when committing suicide is a total lack of planning and just acting on the spur of the moment. Under those circumstances it is noÂ wonder that things do not go as expected. I am not telling you to not do it, butÂ rather examine your desires to end it all and thoroughly research the method of dispatching yourself.Â Don’t rush the process, you have your whole life ahead of you to decide when to end it all. 😉
You do not want to wake up in a hospital bed with half your head blown off.Â If you think that you had problems […]
Hi everyone, here is something that I wrote within the past week awhile contemplating my way outÂ and was going to post it on another site but then got thinking about the Suicide Project.Â It is kind of lengthy.
Subject: Suicide thoughts; The Pros and Cons…according to me. Â 1/2/13
What circumstance(s) often lead to the act of suicide? Loss of a child? Financial problems? Marital problems? Dating problems? Depression and drug use among many other things. Old age coupled with loneliness and the every day pains that old age brings on.Â Is suicide truly an act of hurting oneself? In my opinion it depends a lot […]
I feel I ride upon so much life potential, even at the age of 47, but I am trapped in circumstances where all this potential is backing up upon me, and destroying me. Sometimes I feel my only hope is for somebody to place me somewhere else and give me a suitable function, for I myself not only lack initiative, I often lack mind, entirely. Too many early morning awakenings, where pacing in mindless anguish continues for lack of any thing other than the going thing–pacing in mindless anguish. Only later on, in the evening, it dawns on me all the things I might have […]
As the title states, this is my first post. I don’t even know what Â to say except that life feels meaningless.
If I wasn’t such a chicken shit I’d probably have offed myself back in college, but I’ve always been too scared to do it.
My depression started like a spiderweb crack– at first, it was isolated, but now it has spread and I feel like I bring misery to everyone who loves me. I lose everyone who gets close to me because they meet me and I seem so great and bubbly and fun to be with, and then they slowly have to watch me sink […]
I’m finally done. I just can’t stop the madness in my head. I tried all kids of meds. Zoloft, xanax, paxil, Prozac, etc. this list goes continues. Every shrink diagnoses me with the same thing, major depressive disorder and generalized and socialized anxiety. I think hospitalization would only out me in a worse mental state. Talking sometimes helps but mainly I can’t focus that long. Breathing exercises would be eat if I could take a deep breathe. Sure there are circumstances that depress me but there always is and always will be. It’s my own self, my own head. Nothing helps me. No one can help me. After more than 15 years, I’ve felt this way, I don’t have anymore in me. I’m not looking for sympathy or jokes or even asking the best way to go. I just needed to write it down. I do think about my family and the 2 friends that have stuck by me. I thrill of my 11 month niece that won’t know me her auntie. I don’t want anyone to find me. I will leave letters for those who meant the most and I will simply disappear for a stranger to find later.
I’ve been sitting long and hard trying to think of the words that would be just right and not hurt or upset anyone. I hope you know who you are, we’ve always been so connected in life, 2 halves of one whole, and I don’t think now is any different. If you’re reading this and its not aimed at you I hope you also take some consideration that I’m sure there is someone in you’re life who feels exactly the same way about you as I do about her.
I know you feel that there is no way out, but I’m here to guide you through […]
We have all seen the “goodbye” posts here.Â Â Mine is gonna be a bit different.
Yesterday, my therapist basically told me that she can no longer see me until I become more stabile.Â Â She thinks I need “in-patient care”.Â Â I really do not want that.Â Â My wife (who has recently become aware of my issues) has been amazingly supportive.Â Â She says she still thinks meds and a pychiologist that comes highly recommended (without being locked up in the nut house) is how we should proceed.
Ya, it does scare the crap out of me.Â Â But, I have done a number of legit suicide attempts.Â Â And just […]
If you don’t take away anything else by the time you finish reading this entry, then I hope you at least will take away this one thought that could perhaps be the greatest revelation in your life which you don’t even know about yet; and it’s this…………………………
Your problems matter. And someone out there does love you even when you think you’ve been rejected, hit rock bottom, and can no longer find comfort in living.
…Hey, been there. Done that. I have the scars on the inside and out to prove it….and no, I don’t care for a repeat either because as much as it lingers […]
Isn’t it funny how my mom says she loves me but all she does is criticise me? Funny when she finds out that I tried killing myself she yells at me?
Is it really my fault that when I hate my house so much that it is horrible for me to want to move out? Is it really my fault that CPS got called because my stepdad tackled me and I blacked out?
I don’t talk to my mom or stepdad, I don’t want them touching me or pretending that everything is ok. I want out. Is it really that weird that I’m rebelling against them? I […]
So I was going to text you, but I figured you wouldn’t want your phone going off at 4am.
At one point in time I actually believed that dreams can come true for anyone as long as you believed in it. It’s quite interesting how life’s circumstances and situations can drastically change one’s mine set.
I sit here, sleepless as always, but thinking tremendously on my dreams and how unobtainable they are at this point. I used to believe that they were simple dreams, not far from reach; but now they’re just completely impossible. They say never give up; once you have seen your opportunity […]