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This or That Pendulum

by SomeMalaise
written by SomeMalaise

My mind pulls daily in a this or that row. Should I do this or Should I do that. Back and forth between decisions. Which is better? Which is worse? This or that? What is heavier? This or that? Which is riskier? This or that.

Fighting what I can control and unsure what I cannot. Was it this or that? Go here or there? They say having a choice is a grand thing. A blessing. It’s also a great responsibility you must not take for granted. So should I do this? Or should I do that? This one? Or that one? Farther? or Nearer? My […]

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Waves of Sadness

by SomeMalaise
written by SomeMalaise

It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, how hard I’m cleaning, or sorting. It doesn’t matter how many times I walk up and down stairs, or when I water or tend the plants. Those waves. Those deep soul waves of sadness wash over my whole body.

I’m not crying but I feel like I should be. Tears must be still in reverse. My heart pauses for a moment. It sends a tremble in my arms and throat. A wave of sadness.

Why should someone so messed up crave something they’re not ready for? Love. I wish the heart would stop craving that it just doesn’t realize […]

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Hey!

by Seany
written by Seany

I thought I would come back to say that I did choose to not attempt suicide again – and in fact, I’m feeling rather good. The reason for this is that I was up all night googling to see if I could find anything to explain my actions, any form of disease or illness. I was unsuccessful, which is pretty much what I was expecting. However, I was watching the film The Big Bang with Antonio Banderas (not a fan of his but he was good in this), William Fichtner (most underrated actor of all time – give the man some leading roles!) and Sam […]

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Suicide- The Failsafe

by LindaS
written by LindaS

Dedicated to anyone who thinks about it- I understand- but it is not the answer.

 

 

 

I have been up for hours and am exhausted before the clock strikes eight. I eye the sink full of dirty items while the dishwasher lies four inches to the left. The house is silent and soon I know the air will be filled with anger.

Walking outside I water the just planted begonias, knowing full well once I leave they will die; much like the limited peace that lies between the walls. I have come […]

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A little girl’s story

by AngelLilith
written by AngelLilith

She wakes up everyday and look at the clock as it was a curse, one more day to fake a smile and walk trough life emotionless.

She remembers the voices on her ears when she was little, she feels someone is there to hug her but that someone is unknown and that scares her so hard she wants to cry… but she can’t, her feelings are hide on the deepest of herself so she can’t show what is feeling.

She goes to sleep with the hope of no waking anymore, but when she opens her eyes in the morning and realize that she stills […]

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my last moment?

by noexception
written by noexception

im thinking,the next train usaully goes past a little after 10 o clock,i waited untill it gets dark out so noone sees me and gets tramatized,mabey i should jump the train first, see were it takes me,mabey to a different state,but then i will have to change my appearence, if i do decide to go tonight, im nervis,iv been out of my body before,i have had a obe,and i saw something i never want to see again,wen i went back in my body, i still felt that presence,i dont know what happens wen you die, noone does untill it happens to them, but being out […]

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Just one big nightmare

by noface
written by noface

 I wish I could turn a clock and go back to the day before I was born. I wish I could make my mom and dad to change their minds and not have another child.

Now I am hanging here, trying to keep up whit life. I always end up crashing down. It´s funny that I know that I can never commit suicide but I´m thinking about death awfully lot.

I just wish that I could be someone else- someone who could just smile and be happy, someone who didn’t care that there is no sense on this world, someone who would just enjoy the fact of […]

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No One Hears Pain

by just listen
written by just listen

Tick tock
Says the clock
It seals your doom
While you lay in your room
Will you die
With a blade at your side
You watched the blood run down
Your wrist sliced, but you don’t frown
Realse is what you feel
Paradise at your heel
Earth was hell
But now you hear the bell
The ringing, singing
In the high heavens
You have escapes the heathens
yes you know
the ones who put on a show
they caused you pain
And while your eyes rain
There was no one
Not one soul out of a ton
You killed yourself happy
Free because earth is […]

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if this makes anyone feel better…and not so alone

by idunno
written by idunno

You think you’re the loneliest person out there?

Think again,

High school has been the loneliest, hardest time.

I’m not going to go into detail but I’ve always been fairly lonely due to my social issues (self diagnosed, selective mutism)or whatever you want to call it. (I heard my mom talk to someone saying how I was assessed for the possibility of selective mutism, but it came out as negative apparently…

It had to have  definitely been overlooked, as I usually didn’t talk unless spoken to, mostly in school and in unfamiliar territory.

People had to come up to me first, initiating friendship. I really don’t know what is the […]

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44 Hours to go…

by countingdown
written by countingdown

Well, last night I very nearly got talked outta it without the person even realising just what they had achieved, just a friend however their words made a big difference. Actually I did get talked outta enough to actually think about having a party sunday afternoon. Today however has just shown that staying is just a dream really, this world is something I really do not want to be a part of. As the clock ticks down I am hoping to see a really good friend tommorow for drinks, and then I have done everything I want to do.

I still need to get my living […]

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Your just making me feel worse

by pookiebaby
written by pookiebaby

Am i really weak your wanting to die sometimes,… The most important person in my life said “your weak stop being a little fucking vagina” =((( i assked what if someone in your family killed themselves.. he said they would be remembered as weak.. i all i thought to myself was… im going to be remembered as weak now? Not good or kind or giving.. which i am very much so. Then he took it back and said talk to me whats wrong just tell me… and he know whats wrong but i guess it’s just so i can express my emotions and cry it […]

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this is a rap..

by saddest-panda
written by saddest-panda

i didnt say i was a straight up g..

im not perfect you can think what you thik of me..

there is knobody i am trying to be ..

i am only my self and myself can see ..

that im looking at the clock and its 4:20

and its time to rip a toke of some nice weed

and its her only escape .. its how she copes..

she has a hard day and she rips another toke

it gives her a smile

a high for a while

a happy feeling you  get but in denile

now listen up im on a mission

im gonna fix this situation

you better not be disrepsecting

me cuz i know im […]

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Yes Or No

by ameliahighstudent
written by ameliahighstudent

I’m wishing every night

On that “magical” time of day

When the clock strikes11 past 11

I’m wishing for the pain to go away.

I’m wishing for Christmas this year

Not to go awry,

I’m thinking of all the world’s problems

I’m asking God why.

What did they do to be bullied

Or to be given cancer

Why all my desperate prayers

Never quite seem to get answered.

I’m thinking “Why me?”

Then instantly regretting it

Thinking of the other kids

With death and hunger setting in.

They have no food

And they must starve

And I, a selfish man,

Think that my life is hard?

But I cant help wishing

Wanting a perfect life

A life free of the pain

The heartache, the strife.

And all along

My most […]

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time

by emily25
written by emily25

a serge to connect rushes through me
a time bomb with no clock showing
chains holding me down
my lips locked together
my heart trying to jump away from me too
my hand just out of reach for a loaded gun
out of reach like everything else in life
leave me with the waste
it’s the wrong time to be so cruel
i’ll just die here slowly
it’s ok though because i can’t eat anything
too weak to struggling anymore
let me die here slowely like i always thought i would
leave me with more of nothing
please
please
please

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by emily25
written by emily25

left alone again. why am i not use to this yet?! i mean, i should be by now. i dodn’t even know this person too well. what was so wrong with it? why did he thing it was so worng? to actually talk to someone. i have a bofriend. he has a girlfriend. i can sorta understand, and i respect his choice of not wanting to talk to me anymore. it just dosn’t make sence to me though. every single time i get to actually talk to somebody and feel comfortable about it. my life changes. it makes me happy to be able to do […]

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He Didnt Know

by wristcutter
written by wristcutter

he started at 13

it got worse every year

i guess it was an escape from harsh reality

 

she loved him with all her heart

she wasnt aware of his problem

she really cared

he didnt know how much

 

he was 17

she got a phone call

he was going to jail

she finally saw

the intensity of his problem

 

they didnt see each other for 6 months

she started to care a little less

they wrote

and called

but she was slipping away

slowly going downhill

he didnt know

that he was the source of her problems

 

he came home

she was happy

he had changed

she was glad

he lied

she found out when they took him away

he didnt know how much it hurt her

to see him taken […]

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Surely I Won’t Go to Hell…

by painterofmusic
written by painterofmusic

Since I keep coming back here, I have to throw in my cent and half. I’ve noticed a couple of things, before I go into my horrible depths of self-pity… First, I thought I was the only one who wrote with proper grammar. Gosh, does it sound horrible that I would notice such a thing when I’m low enough to even be on this website? But honestly, I’ve barely known what people were talking about when I’ve read other forums on random things. Please, any grammar dorks on here, go to yahoo! answers with a red pen and you’ll come back satisfied. But I can understand […]

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