I have reached the a point in my life where certain patterns have repeated themselves. These patterns once thought under control have so gone out of control that the pattern is now a real relative in my life. This pattern at first was just bad emotional output on my part, then the second time occurred and its all the same all over again the exact same way it ended the last time. The last time I lost two very dear things close to me and now I have no chance of ever seeing them again due to my own stupid decision. This time the thing […]
Tag:
Comfort Zone
Hello, just ranting on about my life.
I am committing suicide soon. I have wanted to commit suicide for a long time (10+ years), but I am at the point now where I know I can kill myself.
The reason I know is that I have been doing things that I would have never done before over the past two or so years. I have forced myself out of my comfort zone, had a ton of experiences I would have never had otherwise, and learnt a lot. One of the things I have learnt is the ability to just DO IT (pls don’t sue).
I said fuck it. […]
I’ve been having a lot of self-esteem and confidence issues lately and I’ve even found it hard to express myself on here because I was too critical of myself and held back on what I want to say so I feel like I need to write because I need to be honest with myself. I feel like I’ve formed a personality from it because I never got over the bullying and now I believe all the things people said about me to be true and it’s hard to get over after believing it for so long and I don’t believe the people  who say that […]
The trigger – my long-term partner ending things. Not a unique trigger and millions go through this each year. So I’m told, so I tell myself. They can get through it, why can’t I? Slowly but perceptibly I feel myself going down and further down. My thoughts are racing, are dead, I have no idea what I’m doing. I can’t eat and can sleep only with sleeping pills. I begin cutting myself and have NO IDEA where that came from. Cuts all over my arms, then my legs. Sleeves cover it all. Random thoughts of suicide pop into my mind until one day at work […]
I’ve never felt more alone than I do now. Some days, including this one, I think I’m bi-polar. I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but it wouldn’t amaze me if I was. I repel people more than I compel any form of welcome, probably because of the anger I constantly wear on my sleeves, or my lifeless stare that can become intimidating once I move my eye brows in the right, or perhaps, the wrong direction. These eyes of mine can look just as puzzled as anyone else pondering why I look so angry and full of disgust all the time. […]
When you find yourself hanging on a thread, Grab hold of the rope I’m throwing you and hold on with everything you have…
The stipulations you live under sound like prison, it must really suck to have so many things controling what you have to do and when you can do it… You know its funny when you take a good look around and see who is really in control, all… the reasons why and the excuses show your true power so look at it good and study it till you figure it out… Im just going to tell it like it is, forget trying to […]
I’ve never posted here, but I’ve been a lurker for the past 3 or 4 months. I’m currently 18 and two months ago I was put into an intensive outpatient program for depression/anxiety. I was prescribed Wellbutrin and was discharged after 6 weeks. The week after I got discharged I began to have grim thoughts, thoughts that are so grim that I actually made a noose and hung it in my house and made a suicide notes. For 3 nights, I would go and put the noose on and decide whether I would jump off the table and kill myself or not. Obviously I chose […]
I just don’t understand how a depressed person could at first want to get better and eventually does start to feel better but then wants to be depressed again. Or how a person wants to be in a psychiatric hospital again, for the third time. I’m very curios as to why I feel this way. I can only come up with two explanations but I’m not sure if they make sense. Well one is I think because I only know myself best when I’m depressed and that’s my “comfort” zone. And two is because at hospitals I get attention and I feel […]
I’ve been seeing a shrink at school. She wants to put me on meds for my depression in addition to therapy. It’s a specialized therapy though. Its to change the way I think and percieve things in order to change my life. Depression is my comfort zone. It’s home; where I hide, where I am at peace with death and myself. I don’t think I’m going to go back to see the shrink. Part of me still wonders though: what would life be like if depression WASNT my home anymore…?
<3MisterRiddler