When I was born, I had less weight on me then I was supposed to, and don’t get me wrong I understand other people went through this too. I also understand that people go through being teased and being taunted about their weight throughout their lives. But I want to help you understand what it’s like to be black and underweight. I am currently 13 years old, and I weigh 73 pounds. The average for a thirteen year old (f) is 82-137 pounds. Now I feel like you can believe what you want to believe when it comes to normalcy to 13 teen year old (f) weight, but when we go by how light/heavy “we” are supposed to be I am obviously underweight. Below there will be a list of all the things weight has done to me in middle school, if you wouldn’t like to see that then SKIP to the next BOLD title. (warning: they’re all stories/paragraphs)
” In music the passions enjoy themselves. ” – Friedrich Nietzsche
Nikos Skalkottas (1904-1949) was one of the greatest composers of the 2oth century classical music – I personally place him next to Kurt Weill and Igor Stravinsky. It’s a shame that nowadays most people (especially here in Greece) don’t know his work. Here’s the wikipedia page about him:
I should write what are the names of the compositions and the songs in this video and where the photos in it are taken.
36 Greek Dances
00:00 – 01:23 Epirotikos – photos from the region of Epirus in Greece.
01:24 – 03:22 Kleftikos – photos of various Greek mountains.
03:22 – 05:16 Tsamikos (An Eagle) – photos of various Greek mountains again, but this time during the winter, so they’re all full of snow.
05:16 – 06:38 Cretikos – photos from the island of Crete. At 06:19 we see Castello a Mare (castle of the sea) or Castel di Candia (castle of Candia), which was build by the Venetians (Crete was under Venetian/Italian rule for many centuries).
06:38 – 08:22 Syrtos Dance – photos from the castle of Mistras, situated at mt. Taygetos in the Peloponnese (it’s near Sparta). This castle was build by the Franks (during the crusades, Peloponnese was under Frankish rule) and later the Byzantines (or, to be more precise, Eastern Romans) conquered it, that’s why we see a lot of churches there. The statue that we see at the end of the song is of the last Byzantine emperor, Constantine IX Palaeologus.
08:22 – 10:12 Island Dance – photos of various islands in Greece. The first one is from the island of Santorini.
10:12 – 12:03 Mazochtos Dance – photos of various ancient sites. More explicitly:
10:16 – reenactment of the ancient Olympic games ceremony at ancient Olympia.
10:28 – photo of the Knossos palace on the island of Crete.
10:40 – I have no idea which temple is this, probably the Aphaea (or Aphaia) temple on the island of Aegina.
10:51 – Again, no idea. Probably the temple of Apollo in Corinth (it’s impossible for me to know all the archaeological sites in Greece, there are too many of them).
11:03 – Temple of the Olympian Zeus in Athens.
11:14 – Temple of Poseidon at cape Sounion (it’s near Athens).
11:25 – Sanctuary of Athena in Delphi.
11:37 – Temple of Apollo on the island of Delos.
11:48 – The Lion Gate at Mycenae in Peloponnese.
12:01 – same as the photo at 10:16.
12:03 – 15:26 The Trawler – photos of the sea.
The Maiden and Death
15:26 – 18:25 Andantino (Tempo di Valse) – photos of statues/sculptures/graves from the First Cemetery of Athens.
Piano Concerto No. 1
18:26 – 19:50 – photos of various buildings in Athens.
Bolero for Cello and Piano
19:51 – 21:57 – photos from Germany (whoever made this video put them in, because Skalkottas studied music in Germany).
The Return of Ulysses (Overture)
21:58 – 24:01 – photos of refugees and immigrants, not only in Greece, but in various places of Europe.
Double Bass Concerto
24:01 – 26:00 Allegro Vivo e Molto Ritmato – photos of various ancient Greek statues.
26:00 – 27:25 – photos taken during the Nazi occupation of Greece (1941-1944). At 26:46 and 27:04 we see the ”saltadoroi” (jumpers): these were small kids who jumped on German trucks and were stealing food to eat. At 27:13 we see Greek partisans. The last photo was taken in Athens on the day the Germans left the city.
This poem is based on the ancient Greek epic poem Odyssey, which is attributed to the legendary author Homer. Quick summary of the Odyssey: there was a war between the ancient Greeks and the Trojans (Troy was – and still is – located at nowadays North-western Turkey), the Greeks laid siege on the city of Troy for 10 years and they destroyed it (there’s another ancient epic poem, Aeneid by the Roman author Virgil, that picks up the story after the destruction of Troy, but let’s stick to Homer’s Odyssey for now). After that, one of the Greek kings named Odysseus (in Latin: Ulysses) set out for Ithaka, his birthplace and kingdom. On his journey home (which lasted, according to the poem, 10 years) he had many adventures and misadventures.
And, for the film buffs, a good adaptation of the Odyssey is this one:
Anyway, I posted this poem because we can see it as a representation of life itself. And I can’t decide if it’s optimistic or pessimistic…
At first glance, it seems very optimistic: keep trying and fighting to reach your goals, whatever they are. Its meaning is similar to the phrase ”the chase is better than the catch”. But the final lyrics of the poem make me think of it as pessimistic and a little bit ironic:
And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.
These lyrics are implying that it was all for nothing, that every effort was fruitless and meaningless. And that’s why I can’t decide… I might say that the interpretation of Cavafy’s poem depends on someone’s views on life…
(Length: 5m 20s)
So, in part thanks to Agnostic Angel, though I’ve gotten into it before hand and like it a lot myself already, I decided to post this video here on a coping technique the game talked about that might help. 🙂
Basically, if you’re ever having a panic attack, just close your eyes and take deep breaths… imagine a feather floating in the air… your inhales and exhales make it rise and fall, symbolizing your steady breathing.
I hope that helps. 🙂
It’s a really cute and fun looking game, but I think it might be one of those games you have to buy on Steam… I need to know how to do that kind of thing and make an account. 🙁
Some moments are really heartwarming though, I love all the chapter end title cards and when they bake that strawberry pie based on the strawberries you get. 🙂
It’s really sweet. <3 Um, literally, LOL. XD Because it’s a cute, heartwarming moment involving pie… get it? :p Yeahhhh… XD
Well, I mean, the whole game is sweet, but that part made for a funny pun. :p
I’ve never posted here before, or ever really posted anything about my feelings publicly before. I never learned to properly express my emotions, either. I think that has led to me having a lot of things bottled up inside me. My childhood wasn’t great, so I have a lot of feelings built up about that. I ended up having to act like an adult before I got the chance to really have a childhood. I think that’s really taken a toll on me. I may end up posting here more. It can never hurt to try another way of coping.
Monday and Tuesday of last week, I wasn’t miserable. I felt, for the first time in a long time, (months at least) a kind of soothing calm, a low-grade contentment. I was reading a book at the time, and I tucked the emotion around me like a warm robe, luxuriating in it until it inevitably seeped out of me.
The last time I’d felt something like this was during a foggy morning around the middle of the winter semester, while I waited for the bus. My heart was a still cool pond, deep and clear and utterly undisturbed. It lasted for half an hour.
Most of the time I feel achingly horrible–tired, nauseated, hot pressure against my eyes, a weight on my lungs. I feel the kind of undirected despair that makes me want to shove my hand through a broken window or tear out my own throat. Still, I’m aware however faintly that there have been times when I have felt all right. I can point to those times with specificity, even though the words I use to describe them are dry and the memories themselves are grey and crumbling. I know if I hold out long enough, statistically speaking, I will probably feel that way again. And who knows? It might last a bit longer next time.
I have the ability to make myself an island. When I am an island I am apart from others, and their approval, their rejections, their problems and emotions have no bearing on me. I am keenly aware that no one really knows me, just as I don’t know anyone. No person can know another. When others think they know me, it’s really only a creative interpretation of fragmented evidence–actions they’ve seen me do, words I’ve said, which aren’t even a fraction of my lived experience. Even when I try to know myself, I fall short. My memory is limited, my attempts to describe myself biased, inadequate, contradictory.
Being an island makes me tough. When I succeed in my emotional isolation, I can withstand what people say and do, not just to me, but to others. I can stand unmoved in times of joy and tragedy. I can act when fear might otherwise paralyze me. I worry plenty that my boundaries are too rigid, that I’m missing out on the chance to connect deeper with others. Is that even possible? If it is, could it be a good thing? But there is one thing I’m proud of, when I’m an island and far away from regret or longing. It’s the knowledge that no one can tell me who I am, and I will never believe those who try. I will not be manipulated, I will not be brainwashed, I will not fall to pieces because of what’s happening around me. No one knows me.
Life has been such a huge freaking struggle and I feel like I’m done. The chronic pain I suffer from, my sick family, my failure as a person, I’m sick of it. I’m tired of living…but, I’m not positive I want to die.
I’m kind of convincing myself not to off myself by challenging the concept of suicide. You see right now, when I think about suicide I ask myself how my corpse will look, or how others will react as well as the bliss of nothingness. If I was going to really commit suicide, I’d have to stop caring about superficial aspects of my postmortem experience, because I WON’T experience it. I’ll be gone.
So I”m keeping myself alive through my own vanity.
How pathetic is that. :,)
I came across something really neat. You should think about it as well.
“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”
“Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.
Start by considering this statement:
Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.
That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die – it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights… no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.”
“Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “That’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.
When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.”
This is something I wanted to share with you all, and it was posted by http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
It helped me.
Get well soon. Feel better. Remember this: you’re not alone on this, even if you think you are.
You matter, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I’ve just read iamtheblues’ post about coping with the loss of a dearly loved pet terrier. In one one the responses to another SP’ers comment, the oft used expression “Time heals all wounds” was mentioned.
You’re quite correct, iamtheblues, in saying that this awful platitude is a load of bull’s poo. It’s used when people don’t know what else to say when faced with a bereaved person. Some people should just stay silent!
What I’ve experienced myself (so I’m in no way implying this applies to everyone) is that time eventually makes the sense of loss less all-consuming and raw. Every now and then though something brings it all rushing back. Kinda like when you forget you have a bruise and for whatever reason it gets knocked. The pain’s back and relived again. A blow upon a bruise.
If anything, what time does is change the immediacy of pain into a dull ache and that ache never goes away. I deal with it by over eating. Others use alcohol, drugs, cutting or whatever. We’re all damaged in some way.
One more thing, iamtheblues, think about the volunteering suggestion. I do some weekend work at a charity-run cat shelter. When people say “How can you do that, it must be so upsetting”, etc etc, my response is that if everyone took that attitude all those beautiful animals would be left to fend for themselves. All my cats have come from there. I won’t lie and say some of the cases that we get wouldn’t break your heart, but we give them the opportunity to get better and find a new home. Yes, I get very angry with the people who hurt them, but I’d rather be angry and try to do something about it by helping to look after them and raise funds.
Oh well….time to get off the train and go to work in an overheated office. I’m such a slow typer – that’s just over an hour I’ve working on this post. Bye for now!
Been feeling sorry for my self all day after taking more then I should have of my anti depressants to make me sleep on impulse hoping to knock me out all day but woke up mid day which sucked no it wasn’t an attempt how’s everyone else coping today
starting lyrics “Fool without a brain, just a fool without a brain” song Is very lightful definitely one of my coping songs
You make me feel so shit. You try to help me but you hurt me. You guys make me feel so depressed. You’ve killed my social life, my only respite from home, my only coping mechanism that seems to work without being overly self-destructive. How can I cope now?
No dad I cannot fucking talk to you, can’t you see?
Every time we talk I stutter. Can’t you see? I’ve never been comfortable around you guys, that’s why I’m always trying to escape. That’s why I do the things I do. It’s all to escape from you guys (mainly) and school.
You guys make me wanna kill myself more than anyone else and you’re not even abusive.
in so tired and depressed, last night I told my husband I hate my kids. I do love them but I’m so depressed and not coping with the sleep deprivation from the babies. All last night I cried and cried all I was thinking about is walking to the train tracks and ending it!
I have a black cloud hanging over me and I feel guilty as I have 4 beautiful kids who need me. My heart is breaking and my head is all over the place
In my previous post, http://suicideproject.org/?p=359010, I mentioned my life with chronic pain. I’ve been becoming more self abusive and suicidal. Trying to find new ways to cope. Family is pulling more and more away no matter how much I try to be apart of their lives. I shaved my head today. It made me feel better somewhat. I don’t feel as hideous as I did yesterday. Feeling a little bit more normal. At least it would be a handsome corpse. Lol. Bad joke, but I believe more people will have that sense of humor here. Just wish I could find an outlet to find happiness.
Not that it matters. Things were good for a while. I was still in a really dark place, but I had found a way of coping. I could deal with the day to day shit. Now I’m breaking again and no one can catch me. No one would want to. Ya know? I’m a burden. I hate that, but it’s true. I need someone to depend on. I’m needy. I’m a burden. I’m fucking helpless. I could explain my situation, but what difference would it make? Him.. Can’t ask him for help. That’s selfish. I’m clingy. I’m needy. I’m helpless. I’m a burden. Let’s stop this list before it gets too out of hand…
DO I HAVE TO BEG SOMEONE TO GIVE A FLYING FUCK?!
Chronic PainCoping SkillsFamily & Friends EffectsFun & InterestingGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors
Ok, so suicidal thoughts linger. Will they ever totally dissipate? Perhaps or perhaps not. I don’t really know. If I had to say, I would lean towards they will lighten but never just go away. Once you learn know or relaize something, it’s not like you can just purposely unknow or unrealize it. The partial truth behind ingnore is bliss. So with acceptance of the fact I may never be able to fully revert from suicidal thoughts and desires leads me to the question of what can I do to cope with them? My mind running on the topic of ways to kill myself and “planning” but not actually planning with various methods can keep me awake more nights than I care. I’m a very reason based detail oriented analytic type person. Once the topic takes root it becomes an internal emotional and intellectual debate over why and how. Down to the finest details. And I’m really not looking to commit suicide currently. Anyways, I was hoping that maybe I could get some insight on ways that others have learned to cope with this if you can relate. Mabey by an action or activity or some type of therapy or medications or what? For I simply pour myself into work to leave me less time to accidentally be thinking on these things, but it keeps me on the border of exhaustion and throws me across that border very quickly with the hours I lose of sleeping due to these thoughts. I need a healthier and better way of coping with this.
Well, I’m here and I will keep moving forward, yesterday I left my dad’s house, I plan on living with my mom from now on, don’t know for how long and don’t wanna think about it right now, my dad is kinda down, he suffers from “depression” (I think it’s like that, don’t know how to say it in English) so yeah… my departure made him feel very bad, and I keep blamming me for this, being responsible for someone’s sadness like that, that’s very heavy! I feel so… sellfish. I always cared for the others first but they can’t see or feel it and never really cared about me, but no one gets that! I just wanna follow my own way, find my own happiness…