I have a good life but since elementary school I was always determined to kill myself before I grew up. In September I turn 20. I still sleep with my baby blanket and have never been kissed and here I am turning 20. In May I told my parents I was planning on killing myself. Summer is almost over and my councilor is trying to make me promise to forget suicide but I can only imagine postponing it till December. I was to kill myself when the weather isn’t 100 degrees outside but at the same time I don’t want to spend 6,000 dollars going […]
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Councilor
I feel pain every single day and it never seems to go away.
It is deep in my chest and hurts so much.
I try so hard to do the best I can in life but yet it’s never good enough. I can’t concentrate and I feel I’m sinking deeper and deeper.
It’s hard when you have no real good friends that can relate to you as well. So yes, I feel so alone in my own life.
So the question is, what can I do? I’m seeing a councilor but my parents will allow no medication.
I don’t know what to do because I can’t […]
I’m unhappy, I haven’t been diagnosed with depression, but I find that I’m easily depressed. The only moment of repose I feel is either when I’m asleep, (due to the fact that I do not dream, it’s just blackness and my worries fade away… until I wake up and find them again) and when I’m with my girlfriend (one of the few reasons I feel I can continue).) I get this uncomfortable, heavy feeling in my chest a lot when I’m sad and it makes me want to tear my heart out. I often am discouraged due to my lousy fast food job, my lack […]
I promised I wouldn’t do ‘crazy shit’ to my psychiatrist, but I just can’t hold it anymore. I don’t live my life for me, I live it for them.
But fact is; they don’t care if I’m here, there or gone. My councilor at school is totally lost with me, he doenst know what to do with me, the kids at school ( yeah, they’re kids. freaking childish barbiedolls. I’m turning 19 in less then a month and my class is full with 16 y/o barbies :l ) don’t see me. I will give my parents, my family, my friends rest. My parents will have so […]
The title says how I feel and how I am.
Pretty much a useless person. I think I am kind to people most of the time, but in terms of helping others, I don’t know how to do it.
Simple things like chores are hard because I haven’t been taught, and apparently, you need sight for a lot of things.
I don’t like wallowing in self-pistty, but let’s be honest, if I stayed, this world wouldn’t be better, and if I left, the world wouldn’t be better anyways.
Am I depressed? Yes. But what can be done? I see a councilor, which is ok, but […]
Volcanoes are windows into the violent nature of our planet; what goes on beneath our feet, unbeknownst to all but those who poke at rocks. Our planet is violent because it was born into a violent, indifferent universe governed by determinism and scientific laws. It’s no wonder there’s a molten core driving the living systems of the earth.
Human beings are much the same. The only difference is that we’re not indifferent. Maybe the universe implicitly hates its own apathy. Who knows?
When I was 14, I watched my father drag my sister up a flight of stairs by her hair. He beat her with a […]