Life is too precious too consider throwing away. theres so many beautiful people in this world and mysteries and suprises you’d never expect and to cut your life short is throwing away any chance of having that. My mom always said it’s funny how things work, and she’s right. Having god come in my life in 10th grade couldn’t have been just a coincidence. i didn’t know the hardships and battles i would face later in life. God guided me all the way through there though, it was a miracle. i’ve made alot of mistakes along the way and my drug and alchohol abuse, while […]
Tag:
Couple Hours
There is just something about causing pain to oneself that is so beautiful. Cutting has always been my out. But it’s been taken away from me in a difficult way.Â
Two years ago my life was changed forever. The person I thought was everything to me tore my heart out and never gave me a reason behind it all. Â We had been best friends for 7 years and together for 4 years. We were always together for everything. After he refused to have anything to do with me, I decided to take things into my own hands. I was living on my friends couch because being […]
I’m tired. My body detests me. I’ve put it through hell. The scars can attest to that. I can’t fall asleep without a drink in me. I close my eyes at two in the morning and wake up to non existing screaming a couple hours later. The men in my life have all disappointed me. I’ve been bought off with money and sex. And yet, whose to say that it’s not my fault as well? I can’t find worth in myself. I don’t know if I’m pretty or pretty stupid. I don’t know. At the time I sure as hell didn’t care. I just want to have that […]
Every morning when im wakeing up im still wondering why im still here.
My story.
Im been bullied hole my young life from my second grade to seventh grade.
I been beaten, called names, push around and much more. When i was 15 years old
i try to take my own life by drowning my self to river. I was in the river swiming couple
hours just around and around waiting my strenght to run out. Then i started to feel weak.
Then i sit to one rock and thinking now or never. I was thinking about alot of things
but i dunno enymore what make my mind to chance from the […]
I spent a couple hours reading the posting below. Still not done with them yet, but post #75 was bothering me all night:
http://depression.about.com/b/2005/09/04/suicide-and-god.htm
Well, after contemplating for a couple hours, I finally decided to post something. The main reason is because I mean who the hell wants to listen to some teenager going on about how depressed he is when there is no reason as to why he would be? I have a roof to sleep under and food to eat every night. I don’t get bullied. I don’t hate myself or think I’m ugly or stupid. I have no good reason to want to die. Â But yet there’s something inside me that is tearing me apart. I have no emotions any more. I just want to die. […]
I’m so sick of people acting like they know me…. They don’t. They think they do but they don’t. And I really just need someone to know my story. Sometimes it’s comferting knowing someone has your story.
It started when I was 4…. my parents got divorced. When I was 5 my dog died… no big deal right? Wrong. I was 5, my dog was my best friend. When I was in 2nd grade me and my mom moved to Tennessee over the summer. I thought we were just staying for the summer. No. We were moving… To get away from my dad. Since […]
Been thinking.
Too much.
How do you change your thought process? I’m not talking about just negativity, here. The way you think. I’ve been so analytical in my thought process that the only way to change is to constantly brainwash myself towards another way of thinking, and that’s what I need to escape from. I want to live in a more direct “Living by the moment for the moment”, not “Living in my brain about the moment in the moment”. I can’t just “live”. I don’t need a happily ever after either. Just normal conversations with a person. My father. My friend. Anyone. (Yeah, I’m a […]
its wierd how even though you may not always remember something, your mind never forgets what happened for the rest of your life,i know thats why i wake up at the same time every morning, wen i even can sleep,people tell you to move on and forget about what happened,ok, just let me slam my head against the cement and get amnesia,if its that bad that i can forget time to time but my mind alawys remembers, and noone ever tried to help me through the trama,then those people can eat shit and die,i was woken up around the same time in the morning every […]
im so scared in a couple hours i will be going to my firist therapy. i dont know if it will help or just make things worse. can i really tell her my whole life. the life my parents dont know. is she going to ask the last time i tried to hurt/kill myself. will i have to go every week or once a month just so confusing….
My19 year old life hasn’t exactly been as “great” as it is right now. This is extremely long, but I’ve finally found a place where I can just let it all out. Thank you to those who read it.
It all started with being raped for 7 years of my life. I didn’t know what was happening or why it had to be a secret. But eventually with age I figured it out. I spent a good chunk of my life afraid. Afraid to be alone with any boys and afraid to get close to them too. I found out that I was chosen because I was “pretty”. […]