I have a reason to stay alive. I know nobody cares but for so long I barely lived with any reason but now I found him. He brings me pure happiness. For the first time I have a smile that is really mine. Behind closed eyelids no longer am I haunted with nightmares and worry but peace and knowing when I wake up he will be there right beside me. When I feel his warmth the coldness in my heart melts away and I am left feeling such strong love that it keeps my thoughts so far away and I can actually live. I am […]
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Crying Tears
right now as i write this im crying tears, and i dont know why. I want to tell my mom that i cut and that i am slowly falling apart, but if i do how will i be the strong perfect big sister and daughter that everyone thinks i am? I love my sisters with all of my heart, but.im going to break soon, and i dont want them to see it. I also dont want to call someone or some organization, because i know that i will probabaly just get put on hold. But i guess thats life? That brings me to a new […]
I’ve always gone back, to the place where I once sat and cried. I can remember the pain, watching all the little kids play and me just sitting there and wanting one to come over and ask if I would like to play with them. I remember when I sat on the swing and watch the girls play jump-rope and the boys played one their game-boys. I remember being alone. It hurt everyday, and everyday even more rage would full me up inside because I wouldn’t eat anything. I remember hating myself and wishing I could start over or die. It didn’t help that […]
If you were to die out there in the battlefield…I would want you to know how I feel about you before you go…4 years is a long time and it could be longer…You were, are my hope…And kept me moving even when I felt I couldn’t go on anymore. “I may never walk again but I’ll be fine crawling…” “You won’t crawl forever! You will walk again!” Will I be able to walk once your gone?…I keep crying…tears rolling down my check! I don’t want you to leave…But, I have let you go in the past but of course that was only for a week […]
i never keep my eyes on the road, i never ask for any help…..i grip a razor to my chest as i cry out his name……the gillering metal in the moonlight sparkles in my face….
i slice through a fresh patch of skin as i scream out his name…no one ever hears my name or calls me in the death of night……yet they wake up and enter my room to find a pool of blood….blood stained roses and hot gun barrels won’t bring him back…yet at night i call out his name and i hear his light voice as a response…..so now i grip my blood […]
Trying..to be happy for the sake of my friends. I know I burden them and all of you with my constant sadness. I try..and sometimes when I type the faces, they arent real. Theyre cover ups. I’m crying right now…i started crying inadvertantly. Not sobbing or moaning..just crying. Tears stream down my cheeks and plop onto my keyboard..because of the pain i feel inside..so much pain that its starting to bleed through to the outside…it hurts. This isnt just any breakup..this is THE breakup..the breakup that will break me..is breaking me. And the fact that im sitting here crying silently with tears tumbling out of […]