so I’ve recently heard the piece of advice from lots of people- on here and in real life- to remember that parents are only human. I appreciate the advice and yes, I do in fact realize that my parents are also prone to mistakes.
but I know when people mean what they say. my mother is a lawyer for a living. obviously this does not mean that she says the right thing all the time, or that she doesn’t have outbursts of things she doesn’t really mean. but she literally reads contracts to make sure people say what they mean so that they can be legally held to it later. if she wanted to revoke something she said, she damned well knows how, and has had weeks to do it. I’m fucking tired of people telling me my own damn mother doesn’t know what she means when she tells me what she thinks of me.
and you know what isn’t human? not resenting a leech in your side. any sane person resents a nuisance that only saps resources for absolutely nothing in return. so a leech is essentially what I am. I’ve told her so before and she cannot even deny it.
and while I’m ranting on this, I hate being told it’s not my job to protect her from me. if I can decrease the amount of blood I leech from her, why, in God’s name, should I not? yeah, it was her choice to bring me into this world, but now she can’t pull me off and I am old enough and self-aware enough to know what my existence steals from her. how dare they tell me I should not protect her from the parts of me that are anything less than what she deserves?
I love her so much. There is nothing that could make me stop loving her and nothing that I would not do for her. When I sound resentful it’s only because I know she can’t love me as unconditionally as I love her, but I also know it’s not her fault. She has far fewer flaws than I do and is infinitely easier to love than I am.