Have you died but you are physically alive?
For example when I’m asked my age I reflexively want to say “21” except I’ll be 24 here soon. I also no longer have any desires, aspirations, goals, or dreams.
Ultimately I feel like the Corpse Bride.
“And I know her heart is beating
And I know that I am dead
Yet the pain here that I feel
Try and tell me it’s not real
For it seems that I still have a tear to shed” – Tears to Shed lyrics.
So is anyone else dead alive?
Have you ever reached a point of sadness where you just . . . Stop? You stop thinking because there’s just so many bad thoughts. Any thought you do have is incoherent; merely a few words in a jumble that you can’t put in any sensible order. Nothing seems right. The words mean nothing to you anyway. For these three days or so, you shut down. You are clockwork. It’s almost like nothing matters anymore. You can do anything you like, there are no rules; no restrictions. You walk around following your daily pattern, knowing what you need to do but not thinking about any […]
I feel no different from a dead person. Even though much of the things that happn to me are normal, my brain is not. I’m getting tired of trying to fight. That’s the least I could do for the people who care about me. Like today, I just feel empty and flat. I do normal things and react to situations like any other regular person would. But everythings feels so distant from me. It’s like I’m living but not feeling. It’s like I’m here but I’m not really here. Just like a dead person.
How long can I stay like this? If I die now, will […]
My story began many years ago when I was a naive kid who was bullied. Every time I tried to be perfect, friendly with people and never say any bad word. I trusted people and they trusted me because they knew I will never disappoint them. However, they disappointed me. It was one of the reasons why I became a potential liar. Honestly, I didn’t know that many years, even if some people asked me to stop doing that shit. I didn’t want to be antisocial, so I tried keep talking with people without opening my heart. Sometimes I lied, sometimes I didn’t tell the […]
failI am less than nothing, I am such a fuck up, I cannot do anything right. I try so hard. I cannot do anything right, I fuck everything up. I am nothing. I am worth more dead than alive. No one understands this, I am so fucked up, getting calls, everyone wants something from me, and I cannot deliver……  So much, I cannot do this any more, I try, God knows I try,, and even God has turned His back on me. I have hurt everyone by just being alive, and no one wants to hear me, not even God. I know God is dissappointed […]
Once again, I cut myself. I can’t remember if it was before or after I took some pills though. I cut myself with a razorblade, it’s kind of my new self harm strategy. It tears up my wrist more, but I feel like it doesn’t scar as bad, we’ll just have to see how it goes. This time I didn’t count the pills I took, i just grabbed a handful and tried to take them down as fast as I could. I don’t know why, but I had this sense that I should write about it on here, like I used to. I’m sure it’s […]
I woke up yesterday morning ready to help and change lives, but I can’t do it. My feeling is gone, and I’m hoping I just drift away. I’m sorry, but I give up, there is just way too much negative than postive. Why do we even want to stay in this cruel world? It’s NOT a paradise, it’s full of pain and people telling you you’re worthless and not giving a shit about you dead or alive. I’m sorry but I’m giving up. I’m just going to sit here and wither away with the rest of my sad dark life. May the words in my […]
i didnt say i was a straight up g..
im not perfect you can think what you thik of me..
there is knobody i am trying to be ..
i am only my self and myself can see ..
that im looking at the clock and its 4:20
and its time to rip a toke of some nice weed
and its her only escape .. its how she copes..
she has a hard day and she rips another toke
it gives her a smile
a high for a while
a happy feeling you get but in denile
now listen up im on a mission
im gonna fix this situation
you better not be disrepsecting
me cuz i know im […]
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