Hi guys! How have you been? I have some good and then again some bad news… I have girlfriend : ) She is like all I ever wanted, and I couldn’t ask anything more when I have her by my side â™¥ We have been together almost two months now, but we have secretly been in love with each other over half a year.. so we are happy that we can finaly be together now!
But there is one problem I haven’t talked with her about yet.. And it’s her ex. Her exgirlfriend, who died last year. I know that year is very very short time to get over someone dear’s death (like I have mentioned I lost my dad couple of years ago, so I know it takes time), and I try my best to be there for her whenever she need me, and I know she loved her ex and I know she misses her.. And I feel horrible person, becouse I feel jealous. Becouse it feels like she loves me too, but she loves her more, and I can’t help this fear that I’m only second choice and I will never be as important as her ex is/was to her.. And it really makes me wanna cry.
Am I bad person for thinking about it? Is it wrong to be jealous for someone who is important to her..?
She wants to take tattoo for her memory, a feather, and when I found out about it it almost felt like someone would have ripped my heart out. It hurt.
Because I gave her this golden necklace which has a wing in it, and I wrote her poem where I said kinda pretty things about why I gave her wing and what it symbolises to me and her, and now…
I don’t know, like the necklace would only be the second important thing to her. I haven’t said it out loud, but I wanted it to be our special thing, but now I only feel that her dead exgirlfriend is the special thing.
I’m replaced by a dead person. And I fear that I’m only a painkiller for her, becouse for me she is the one I’ve been wanted to have for so long, and now I’m only scared that there is someone more important, someone she loves more, someone I can never ever win..
Sorry I just felt like I would die for this pain and I had to open up for you guys.