Every day the same as the last,
Good or bad it’s soon in the past
Every day the same as the last,
Good or bad it’s soon in the past
The painful reality dooms on me everyday- that this isn’t for me but I don’t feel like I’m giving up anymore, I just feel like I’m giving in to the inevitable.
It is a bitter sweet world, consisting of unfathomable wonder, endless mystery and ceaseless painÂ but I’ve only been getting a taste of the bitter and the pain.Â This world breaks my heart, and I’m too sensitive to bear it. All the suffering and anguish, that I cannot do nothing about. It affects me, maybe it shouldn’t, why should I be so concerned about every ones pain? But this is who I am unfortunately.
It’s been a long long 21 years, withÂ Â melancholy taking over every inch of me. YearsÂ wasted on excavating for the innocent soul I lost years ago and holding the suffocating masks against my face. I’m a mere empty shell walking around, alive but dead inside.. the irony. Since I was a child, I’ve been tired, waiting for my last breath, on a death bed since I was born.
My life holds no meaning, an epic tragedy, if there is God or a higher power, they don’t like me much. And what hurts more than anything is.. I don’t understand what I did to deserve such horror, a child.Â That’s when I started to pray every night, Â for colorful wings under my shoulder bladesÂ fluttering against my little bodyÂ and lifting me up to the heavens so I could a escape theÂ depths of hell some refer to as home. Silent prayers, whispered under a thousand useless stars. How can waking up every morning feel like torture? Drowning by your own sadness is the worst kind of fate because tomorrow awaits for you with what seems like an ocean.
I curse the blood that runs through my veins, for I share it with people I loathe. I curse who I am more than the ones who made me this way, because I am the one who has to live in this shell, being at war with myself, a constant bloodshed.
I’ve attempted suicide, but writing this makes it clear I haven’t succeeded, I chase death, dream of death, death, death, death, death, the last ballad on my lips, but I never seem to get close enough, outreached fingers waiting, an unrequitedÂ love.
You know what? When I wrote my post “Too Much”, for some obscure reason I kind of hoped that I might get a comment, a word of encouragement or maybe even a “don’t do it” type response. Is that what this site does? Keeps people coming back to see if they’ve had some words of encouragement? Well I’ve failed the test again – there’s nothing left to do. All I can hope is that I don’t screw up my final act like I’ve screwed up almost everything else. When my Grandfather was on his death bed he told me we’d meet again. I suppose I’ll find out soon enough but what a shame I won’t be able to tell anybody. That’s enough for something that’s not going to get read anyway.
Hey guys! I’ve noticed a lot of negative energy surpassing my computer screen and mingling with my mind reading your life stories. I honestly think that it’s time we change our ways orÂ at leastÂ attempt to make our lives brighter. Many of us are young and struggling with theÂ convolutedÂ ways of life while others are a bit older, wondering how you made it this far. Many of us don’t know what to do with life; you’re simply stuck. Many of us were/are sexually, mentally,Â verballyÂ and physically abused. Many of us feel Â like life is nothing but a tragedy. (Trust me, I’ve been everywhere you have). Â However, if we don’t make the Â effortsÂ ourselvesÂ to change ourÂ perspectivesÂ on life, no one else will. It’s time to escape the grasps of sadness! You have to conquer life rather than have life conquer you. No one wants to loose a battle. All of us are drained, some more than others. When you’re old and frail, you’ll look back at life and envision it as a shortÂ commercialÂ break. Time flies. Years go by. The clock never stops ticking. When you’re on your death bed, you sure don’t want to be looking back at how life has dragged on. You need to be constantly engaging in something you absolutely love to do- and somethings that you HAVE to do (like fight your problems. Wrestle with life and most of all, be a rebel. Be stubborn and don’t let life win for all the shit it has given you). We can have a thousand reasons to take our lives but if we find that one reason to live for, life will become a blessing.
If you’re young and struggling, trying to untangle yourself from the wires of life, think for a second. Life isn’t designed for you to understand it completely. It has its twists and turns; all you simply need to put your hands in the air, like its a roller coaster and let life look at you with jealousy because you are enjoying the ride it throws at you. We’re all scared and fearful, but if you act like you aren’t, you’re going to become what you act like.
If you’re wondering how you made it this far, think for a second. You may have tried to end your life and it hasn’t been successful; think for just a second. Has it ever crossed your mind that life keeps you here in a cold world because you have warmth to give it by fulfilling your destiny? You have your task to complete, and trust me, it’ll be a story to tell your grandchildren. Your future isÂ embroiderÂ with golden laces; No one’s life is a waste. There is a purpose you’re here for. If you don’t go looking for it, it won’t come to you. (And maybe if you’re tired, I guess you can stand around and wait a little 😉
If you don’t know what to do with life, think for a second. Theres something you ought to love. A passion and talent thats buried in the mess you created life to be. Even if people discard your talent, hobbies, and passion to be worthless, if you love it, nothing else matters. You’ll find happiness, and that’s all you need to sustain your mind- Not the money, sex, friends, love.
If you were abused in your past and maybe you still are, think for a second. Change your situation. Inform a trusted adult, and even if you loose everything you had, you’ll be in a better place. Things in the past has to stay in the past. You can’t look at the step ahead of you if you keep turning around. You need to take theÂ initiativeÂ yourself to take a leap and hope for the best. The past will always come back to haunt you, but treat it like a horror story that you’ve seen 10 times 😉 Â It won’t be scary.
And if you can’t find a reason to be happy about, then look around you. Go outside, take a walk. Smile at a stranger. Take a seat at the park and watch innocent kids playing and crying at childish things and Smile at the simplicity of life.
Life pushes you to the edge to either teach you how to fly or catch you when you fall ;] SMILE!
Hi….I dont know may be whatever i am saying looks so stupid but i want to say.
After i lost my mom, the same month iÂ met a girl on internet. Her NameÂ is Muyasar. She was so beautiful and preety, Specially her eyes like a sweet cute angel. No one want to see tear in her eyes. As i start to talk i get know her heart is already broked. i was so confused which person who can make her heart break. She told how her bf not trusting her and always use bad words for her. I tried to make her understand if a guy who can abuse her then its not your mistake. he have so much bad luck that he loosing you. Slowly slowly we start to talk everyday and i fall in love with her but i can’t say. I was thinking she will think bad about me that i am saying her like that. But i was also getting that she also love me.
One day she proposed me and that day was best day of my whole life. I start to love her so much more than anything, more than my life and she also. Then i get know she is not like normal girls, she have some decease bcoz of that she can’t take breath sometimes. when ever i saw tears in her eyes i always get mad and do so many stupid things to make her laugh, happy. Everyday waiting to see each other, waiting her calls, her messages, they are the best ever moments of my life. Everynight before sleep i saw her cute sweet innocent face when she was sleeping. i just lost there. I promised her i will never leave her no matter whatever happen. My love will never get fade for her. Her family not like forenginer. but then also we saw so many dreams togeather. in all those time, her family alwaays scold her for marriage but she always made excuses.
At last of year, she told she said yes for marriage bcoz she not want to hurt her parents. her parents did so many thing and so much money n her operation. she not want to make them hurt again, bcoz already she run from home for her first bf and that time her dad beat her so much like a mad. she was near to death bed that time.
She was crying infront of me i get mad and said when time will come we will see please dont cry janu, i cant see u like that. we will see.
Two months passsed she changed her room to other city, and her family said her to meet guys and choose. when i get know i was wordless what i will say her.Â But cant see teaers in her eyes. i always change topic and made her happy. With this hope she will not do and will try to talk with her mom about us.
Atlast they choosed a guy for her, she was crying so much infront of me on cam, and i ccant cry bcoz my dad was in front of me. If she cry so much then got problem in breath. she start to live with that guy’s sister house. but we both not left to talk. bcooz we love each other so much. Soon her ring ceremony fixed. i cant do anything except wait for come her online. i not hve her address so i can try to go to her. she told her future husband is 10 years older than her and one time already divorced. when i said why she said yes for marriage. she told me she love me so much but cant be togeather so no matter who will going to her husband. After hear this i remain speachless.
One day she remain at her old room, we thought we can again see each other once again, but bad luck light not come. I was get so much mad when i know she tried to kill her self bcoz all what happening with her. she want to live with me but also cant hurt her parents. she think her parents love so much in this world more than anyone. that night i was standing on road was calling her number aagain again like mad and was crying. but thanks god she was ok, not soo much serious. she ate all medician that she hve in her room. Next day she was in hospital.
after 2 months his time of wedding come, that day really i was cried like a mad person from morning. i not cry on death of my mom that much but that day i was dead I was thinking about her How she will be. Before her wedding I promised her I WILL WAIT HER WHOLE LIFE.
She get married. i lost everything, my smile, my heart, my reason to live. Everymoment i was thinking about her, every second. after one week she come online. she said me sorry but i said i will wait dont say sorry, if i really love u so much we will be togeather one day, even we met when we get old. she told she get fight with him in first month of wedding. so many times they both fight but i cant do anything. From the day of her wedding i Cry everynight till now. She get pregnant now, so soon again i get hurt, but i controlled myself. i start to lose my health, i get weak, i Lost My head hairs in 23 year age. All asking me what happened to you, i make excuses.
One day i got news she cant have baby, again i become so much said when i know she crying. but after di treatment she is pregnant now, she get little changed. she always get angry with me. her mood always in bad. She suffering so much now. after know all i getting more hurt, more sad more weak. one day i saw her wedding pic in her profile. i saw some her hugging pic on wedding day with her husband more i get hurt but i never talked with her about it.
I never saw her in real only saw her in cam, i never touch her, but I LOVE HER SO MUCH THERE IS NO WORD WHICH CAN DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE HER. SHE HAVE HER FAMILY, SOON A CUTE BABY ALSO. I KNOW I NEVER CAN BE WITH HER THEN ALSO I AM WAITING HER. I WILL NEVER LOVE ANY OTHER GIRL AGAIN, I WILL STAY ALONE WHOLE LIFE. BUT NOW THINKING AFTER HAVE BABY SHE WILL BE OK. I MADE HER ANGRY SO MUCH, MAY AM NOT GOOD FOR HER. HE(HUSBAND) CAN MAKE HER HAPPY BETTER THAN ME. SHE IS WITH HER MOM AND DAD NOW, BTW SHE WANT TO WITH HER MOM AND DAD. SHE HVE ALL HER RELATIVES THERE. IS SHE CHOOSE ME SHE HVE TO LEAVE THEM ALL.
NOW I WANT TO DIE. I AM WAITING HER AND WILL ALWAYS, BUT SAME TIME I HVE HOPE ONE DAY WE WILL BE TOGEATHER, SAME TIME THINKING SHE WILL NEVER COME. BEFORE ME SHE SUFFERED SO MUCH NOW MY TURN COME TO SUFFER. 99.9% CHANCES THAT WE NEVER CAN BE TOGEATHER AND 0.01% CHANCES WE WILL TOGEATHER. I WANT TO DIE, I NOT WANT TO ANGRY, I NOT WANT TO LIVE MORE. PLEASE GOD TAKE MY LIFE
IF I WILL DIE NO ONE WILL CARE. IN MY FAMILY HVE 2 MORE BROTHER SO DAD WILL BE OK. BUT IN MY LIFE I MADE HER EVERYTHING, BUT SHE NOT WITH ME. TODAY 244 DAYS PASSED FOR HER WEDDING WHEN I LOST HER ….
JANU I AM WAITING YOU, LOVE YOU
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