Been cutting since I was 15 (7 1/2 years). Never thought I would do it, once I started, never thought I would stop. I finally stopped. Went over a year without cutting, then relapsed, then stayed “clean” then relapsed then stayed “clean” then relapse and so on and so on. I will always be an addict to this stupid thing that controls me. I crave the feel of it, the release it gives me. I know I should have control over it, especially by now, but I cant help but want to give into it. I am still and always will be a depressed person, […]
Unlike most kids, some nursery rhymes haunted me. One of those is Row Your Boat. It’s almost like… I don’t know. It’s almost like it’s about a depressed person, just going through life, feeling like it’s just a dream. That’s definitely how it feels now to me. Every second is just a dream. I’ll probably wake up soon, and I’ll be 8 again. My grandpa won’t die, and life will be perfect. Trevor will never have existed. Lacey won’t die. Nana won’t hate me. My mom will be proud of me. Maybe I can do something. But then again, I don’t want this to be […]
Sometimes I wish my cancer back. Then I would have something to fight. But more than the fight, I could cheat killing myself and then my family would hate cancer instead of me. Ah the lovely thoughts of a depressed person.
Ok… I have made an attempt to hang myself few weeks ago and I did not have the courage to step down the chair I was on…. If only I could do it, I would not be suffering today. Yesterday, I started a blog where I write all I feel about suicide and my depression.Â http://notgosuicide.blogspot.ca/
I am so disappointed that I do not have support from my family (wife especially). She (like most of the people) does not understand that I am not selfish neither I do it in purpose to be such depressed. All she says is that she’s fed up and tired (ok, […]
Lately, I noticed that when people compliment me for good jobs I did or for how well I look, my response is rather non-eventful, not even a “thank you” or “I appreciate it”..
It is like my mind responds with either “mm…okay” or “mm sure” And I did not continue or dwell any further on that subject. The person who complimented me also noticed my non-response, so the subject was rather short-lived. I realize that I acted like a jackass and send them a signal not to compliment me anymore. Maybe I truly don’t care or maybe I stopped feeling.
But the truth is.. Do I like […]
So, I’m not entirely sure what I hope to gain from this, maybe closure? I don’t know. Not even sure how this would give me closure, or what I need it for…
If I had to describe a depressed person, I doubt I would use me. Someone with a job, caring family, good friends, hobbies. Hell even my dog is great. Yet there is just all the small things. My job is lacking, and kinda crappy. My family… for lack of a better phrase, doesn’t understand me. My friends are funny, good to be around, but I wouldn’t say that any bonds are really there. It […]
I feel like I’m in need for a confession right now. I don’t have friends to talk about my depression nor I know of any other place to open up about how I feel, so might as well write here. I feel though that this is completely pointless, publicly announcing my thoughts and such, since hundreds of others share the same story as I do. I’m in desperate need of opening up anyways so here we go.
So just like any other typical depressed person, I was bullied for years, starting from age 10. I was bullied for my looks inside and outside of school. I […]
Basically I feel like I want to die most days. Some days I am ok, but I am a very depressed person, I let my depression consume me. I really need some anti-depressants, but I am still waiting for my health insurance to kick-in so I can see a psychiatrist. I believe in God, but I don’t understand why I feel bad enough to want to kill myself. I’ve been thinking about killing myself for years but something always stops me. I don’t think I will actually kill myself, but I have thought about how I would do it.
I am currently living in Philly, […]
Hello everyone. I don’t understand my depression and often times I want to kill myself for being so goddamn fucking stupid and putting my boyfriend through hell. Me and my brother both have clinical depression. This isn’t something that can be fixed with just “positive thinking”. We need our anti-depressents. I hate to say the most cliche thing any depressed person could ever say but I really have always been a lonely person who never could hold a friendship. Kids wouldn’t tease me,They would belittle me. This isn’t what has made me depressed but this has shaped my lack of social skills. This world and […]
I know what you’re thinking… “I’m going to tell this depressed person, either to contact professional medical help, call mom dad family or friend, just don’t do it because all life should be valued.”
Please don’t tell me this again. I’ve been to countless therapists over the course of my entire life so far. All I want is for someone to understand why I would want to kill myself, not just make me feel stupid for wanting to, or telling me that God has all the answers, or make me feel bad for being selfish that I want to kill myself. I just want someone to […]
Â I’m looking for someone to talk to about depression and suical thoughts. I’m very compassionate, caring and supportive. I believe we all need someone to listen to us and to talk toÂ about our miserable lives. I’m a good listener. No thanks to anyone religious, I’m not. No one bipoar because they have manic stages and no longer care about a depressed person. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way. No one married with children because it will just remind me I have no family of my own. I’ve attempted suicide many times and, obviously, am a failure at that just like in all aspects of […]
I just don’t understand how a depressed person could at first want to get better and eventually doesÂ startÂ to feel better but then wants to be depressed again. Or how a person wants to be in a psychiatric hospital again, for the third time. I’m very curios as to why I feel this way. I can only come up with two explanations but I’m not sure if they make sense. Well one is I think because I only know myself best when I’m depressed and that’s my “comfort” zone. And two is because at hospitals I get attention and I feel […]
I used to be a happy girl that is contented with what I have in life. But not anymore, I’ve actually grown kind of tired living in this horribly morbid world. I have just turned 23, and for the past 22 years or so at least since the day I could remember, I give my best in everything that I do. Yes I admit that sometimes I am lazy and all but when it comes to work I make sure I give it my best.
There is something I never understood though – I offer the best that I can to my family and friends and […]
I have a lot of things. I have a lot more than many people. Â I am healthy, attractive, happily married, and just about to graduate from a great grad-school. I have everything to live for, but I every time when I turn around the corner, I see death calling me. I really cannot think about anything that I want bad enough to live for. Tonight I relapsed. I took aÂ needle andÂ piecedÂ through my skin and my veins. For a brief moment I felt something. When I saw my blood oozing out of my arm, I felt maybe a brief moment of something. Â I know exactly what […]
I think I am suicidal. Â I’m not really sure, because I’m not sure of anything anymore. Â I don’t want to hurt myself or be in pain or punish myself. Â I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. Â It is getting increasingly unbearable, and I don’t know what to do.
I was almost murdered in October by gun violence (it was a very close call), and I have since been diagnosed with depression and PTSD. Â I have never been a depressed person in my life, ever. Â I just read on a website I found that PTSD can cause suicidal feelings, and I do feel a tiny […]