alright, it’s been a while since i’ve been on here, but, i exist still
nothing has really changed. my anxiety isn’t AS bad, i guess. I’ve been having more panic attacks though. a while ago, i talked about seeing things- and i still do. worst than before. it’s an all day thing. i always see things, i feel like someone is watching me 24/7 i feel uncomfortable all the time.
i have depersonalization disorder, but it isn’t really as bad as it was. now that i can actually deal with reality, i have come to terms that i absolutely hate my body and the way i look. i am now vegetarian Â (it’s my 8th day!! 🙂 ) and i barely ever eat. today i Â made myself purge, and i’m planning to do it again later tonight. i used to make myself puke every day Â around winter time, but then i just stopped because things just got too complicated and whenever i wanted to eat, i couldn’t because i’d almost puke.
anyways, i threw out my razors. i highly regret it. i wish i could cut myself right now. i’m aching for the feeling and sensation.
my spelling has also gotten worse. i used to be alright, but i’m not sure what’s happening. my parents drinking have not changed, in fact, dad and mom got drunk last night and i had a panic attack about that. blah blah
dad called me worthless. a lot.
my only 2 friends are liars. all they do is lie, and it pisses me off. i am too depressed to go out anymore.
i don’t really have school anxiety anymore because i know how i can get all my credits back, so that’s a more positive statement.
somtimes i just really wish i’d get hit by a car, or just like, kill myself already.
i’m just so tired of seeing and hearing things that aren’t even real.
i just kinda want a friend that wont shut me away, that wont lie to me, or wont forget about me. i know i’m a boring person but i think i deserve at least one friend.