my name is callum im 14 years old and i have destroyed my life. It started with me always yelling at my sister and my mom and dad holding me back my dad always told me it was just a phase and i would be ok. he is gone now and he was wrong. recently i threw my sister into a wall and broke her arm. my mom locked me in the washroom and turned up the heat. she wanted me dead. i broke the window and ran. ran. ran. i was downtown , freezing and starving i decided to head home . my mom hasnt talked to me since . i heard her talking on the phone about how she realized she created a monster. something not normal. all my life my mom has helped me through every horrible thing that i have ever done, once i hit a kid with my dads old baseball bat, my mom stuck with me all that time. now she was shocked , horrified. i lost it. i couldn’t take it. i stabbed myself with a kitchen knife . unfortunately i was shakey and missed, i cut open my arm. my mom did nothing. now im bleeding. typing. and going to kill myself. all because i fought with my sister. goodbye.
Today in class we were doing an activity, we had to draw our family tree and discuss the interesting things about our family. And of course, you can guess already, it is the worst thing for someone as broken as me.
Others talked about their siblings, about what their parents do, their grandparents. Me? What is the interesting thing of my family? My grandmother attempted suicide, my father is dead, I do not regard my mother, I dont know where my cousin is brought away by her stepmother.
And people are so stupid. All of them. I hate everyone.
I feel I am the only one who doesn’t belong anywhere.Am I the only one broken, the only one who has nothing left, the one unwanted? Why am I the only one? No matter how far away I run, the pain always catch up. And I’m sick of this.
Right now i feel like i have no reason to be here.. My friends are all asleep and i really need some support.. I dont know what keeps setting my off. Every time it happens im alone and am just thinking. i have my razor out i plan on it tonight.. not killing myself, but having some relief. i deserve that at least.. I need someone here with me. who i can cry to , who understand me, who wont say that my scars are ugly or that i shouldn’t have done that, some one who truly understands it and would call them beautiful and kiss them.. Not even my boyfriend does that.. no one does, but i guess that’s just on me
My mother hates me. I dont know why she does, I have four siblings and she nevertalks to them the way she does me. She’s always looking fr something to shout at me for. I lost count of how many times she’s told me to go kill my self or how she wishes that one morning she’d wake up and find me dead. I’ve no one to talk to and it hurts. Growing up all I knew was abuse from my mom and brother she hit me with text books for getting wrong answers when I was 6 years old. When we would go out she’d tell me not to walk too close to her because I was fat and I looked embarrassing, the list goes on. I’m about to turn 16 and I dont know what to do anymore I wish she would endure the pain that I go through so she’d stop abusing me, even if it’s verbal now it really hurts my feelings and sometimes I think maybe I should really kill my self and make her and my self happy..
Im 20 years old and I’ve had thoughts of suicide since i was 15 years old. I dont have a long drawn out sad story or history of abuse of any kind. I have a loving family & a boyfriend but i have never felt more alone. I often ask myself “How can you have so much but still feel like you have nothing ” . I have never figured out the answer. Im just so unhappy it almost scares me how many times I’ve actually sat in my bathroom , held pills , razors etc. and almost ended my life. Some part of me just wont let me give up , some part of me wants to live. And i feel like such a fucked up person because i dont even think about all the people i will hurt in the process i just think about the pain , loneliness & depression that i dont want to deal with anymore. What will my mom say ? How will my little sister feel ? What will my dad think ? All questions ive asked myself , i dont know the answers…and i dont care to find out anymore. i just know that im tired of waking up every morning wishing i hadn’t . Im tired of crying and no one caring to ask “Are you okay ?” or “whats wrong” and actually meaning it. One day its going to be too late to care about whats wrong with me..
i don’t know why she gets into my thoughts and makes me cry.. yeah i remember i invited you to spread tears in my heart…
i don’t know do i really deserve this suffering..
My GirlFRIEND Does Not Love Me I Think I LOve Her But I Feel LIke Dieing
Im standing on an edge
Not scared of what will happen Next
I know i will fall and i do not care
I am scared of myself
I want to safe
I dont want to be ready
for when death pounds on my door
But i dont know how i i got this far gone
Im worried now
I dont know what to do
and i know im alone
when i fall i can stand back
I dont notice when i break
but i know when i need to stop
now i stuck in this place unsure
of weather or not to stop breathing
I’m afraid to go to school because all I get is called names over and over again. I get physically bullied too by both guys and girls, and that is not ok! No one ever believes me when I tell them that this is happening. I come home everyday with bruises on me and I usually bleed some times too. I go home to my parents where all they say is get over it. I feel lost and scared.
I just dont know why i cant get the words out of my mind. I cant forget anything. I remember every single word or name i was called. I remember every punch. I still have the feeling of being terrified every day to do anything and being worried ill do it wrong and disappoint someone. My mind i slowly killing me and its winning. I cant fight for much longer. I hate more when i don’t know a answer to a question. i cant handle being so weak and stupid. I hate when anybody is disappointed in me. I hate me. I cry when i see myself in the mirror. I dont know why im like this, i dont know why i cant forget everything, i dont know why i cut and cant stop, i dont know why i cant just let everything go like ive been told to do, i dont know why i cant just try harder and i dont know why i cant just be me.
This is what i need desperately to tell my mother, but i cant because she committed suicide 6 month ago.
She was sick, desperate and when she told me she was going to kill herself, i couldnÂ´t believe her. I didnÂ´t do anything because it just simply CANNOT be true.
I regret a lot of things but the worse, what I cant stand, is that she had to kill herself to die. I wish, even though she wanted to die, she could have the chance to do it pacefully in a bed instead of what she did. It really breaks my heart to imagine how much she had suffered, she didnt deserve that….nobody does.
I dont know anything about your suffering or your reasons to think this way, and I respect that. I really hope you can give your life a chance and find whatever is needed for you to stay but if its not, tell your family, friends, make them understand your reasons, i will help us, the ones who stayed.
Iam telling you this because i wish i could turn time back, but i cant and I am sure if you die someone would like to tell youÂ forgive me because I didnt could/knew how to help you, I love you no matter what happend and I miss you…everyday.
I’ve always had trouble with lying. And I’m so sorry I lied to you. I lost so much of your trust. It hurts. I hurt you. It’s just the way I’ve always been. I dont know why I lie so much. But I had to tell you. You deserve better. Knowing how much shit I just threw at you just makes me want to kill myself. I just feel like an awful person that doesn’t even deserve to be alive. Even though we’re still together I feel like I’ve just ruined it. I’m so sorry.
i feel like im fading away. like i just wanna give up.. take the easy way out BUT im scered to hurt everyone eles. i know iv got people who care about me but it dosent really feel like it i feel like im alone im all by my self left wiht blades it just feels so good i cant stop. maybe one day itll be deep.
Dont know how to start. Iam so tired of this life it have nothing for me i’m depressed and i have taken some treathment for it it helped a little when i was in hospital for 2 months. now there has just becom more things that makes me want to do suicide. I have once tried to do it with pills and i was almost death when my wife found me. Then i have been for spychiastrist for talking but it just wont help. The things what eat me inside is just too much to take care like when i married my wife all my friends turned their back for me and i cant get never own child theres something wrong whit me. Iam just so messed up i just cant take it no more i think i’m done and my financial goed bad too maby loose my house. Just feels like everyone ja all things is against me and i cant take it anymore. I thik its better that i just do suicide but how i dont know yet maby by poisoning my self
Anyone who’s read my previous post… you know about a guy who i say i love, i geuss you could say that today it’s got worse…. the boy has talked to the head about me looking at him… he talked to me about it but now i’m at an emotional.
so much so that i am a wreck i feel like i’m going to burst and even someone metioning it… makes me cry, the reason is i dont know if he did it because he cares… as a friend or just a person or as it was annoying him, i hate to think i’ve been annoying him, when i’ve been trying to stop punching his friends that keep being mean about him when he’s not around…
i knew something was going to happen so i didnt wear make up to school, but now i have no way of coping, i cut and he was the thing that stoped me cutting… but now he seems like he dont care i dont know what to do. i love him but he hates me…Â though I love him, every day I’m learning, in this time, I’ve only been pretending. Without me, His world will go on turning, A world that’s full of happiness, which I will never knowâ€¦ thats how i feel andi dont know what to do… please help!
I cant stop thinking about it at the moment
I want to cry but hold it in
I want to cut but Â something is stopping me
Something tells me that
That it wont stop me for that long
I couldnt hold it in now I am crying
The other night
I couldnt stop thinking suicide
so many ways my mind came up with
i dont know what to do anymore
what to say
what to feel
I know you don’t know me. And the words that I’m about to say may mean nothing to you and you just may not care. I am a female that goes by EmoCookie its an old nickname and I am 18 years old. I have depression. I see people to get help, but that doesn’t seem to be working but I will give it more time. I am an on and off cutter. I cry. I try to smile when I can. I’m failing school and I dont know what to do about that. I’m lost be on repair. My dad is in jail and he may be there for the rest of his life. My family is falling apart. I have a strong hate for this place called DCF, if you know what it is then you may understand why I hate them so much. I have death on my mind everyday but no plan sometimes. I love my family but I just feel like I shouldn’t be here sometimes. I do smoke. I wish I could say more but there is some things we should keep to ourself because there may be good or bad outcome.
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â -Love EmoCookie
Im 12 years old and i know you are wondering what a twelve year old can POSSIBLY Â have gone through that she wants to commit suicide well ive been bullied ive made a big mistake once and i did that mistake again i dont know why but i did it and i never let my thought out i always keep them locked in cause im scared..scared of what people will think..scared if i will get hurt..scared i might end up killing my self if i did say something but then again if i dont i will probably kill my self no one understands me NO ONE not one person i want someone i can talk to that wont judge me and say i know how u feel i want people who understand the pain who havent gone through what i have gone through but will say i understand your pain but if someone who did what i did and told me i would connect with that person cause that person went through that moment and hated it and had the feelings and thoughts i did….is there a person like that on earth….i think so and i hope there is cause i would probably have second thoughts of commiting suicide i need help MAJOR HELP if u can help me contact me to email@example.com
i love my boyfriend but…. he recently almost killed himself. if it werent for me calling the police he’d be dead. but now he’s mad and im sick of all this shit. i mean i love him but i cant handle this anymore. but if i break up with him he’ll kill himself. plus i know my other friend c. will ask me out and i like him. nowhere near as much as my current bf but i do like him and couldnt say no. and then my current bf would try to beat up c. (and hurt himself in the process because he’s not exactly strong) and then kill himself. and i cant let him kill himself. he’s my best friend in the whole world and without him here i would die.
i dont know what to do.
I was having fun. I actually started to love life. The earth is fucked and twisted. Once I love life The world gets mad and makes my life miserable. I know I have people who care but what’s going to work? Them be happy that I stay or just let me go. if they really care they will let me die right? I dont know. Well i dont know what I’m doing writin this but I feel alone now maybe that’s why. I’m back to square one. I wanna die.