im a sophmore in highschool, and i have gone through a lot with my mom. My background story is fine nothing wrong as a kid my parents are still together blah blah. But it started in 7th grade. My mom started making me more and more angry as the days went on.. It didnt get real bad until 8th grade though. My mom was driving me to the point where i was suicidal. I didnt want to live here any longer. I attempted, was too scared and gave that attempt up, then about a week later, one of my former good friends decided to take […]
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Everyday Of My Life
Im approaching fifty, will be next year. Im a straight male, never married and no kids. I always wanted to be, and always thought i would be a great dad. I spent five years in the US Air Force and sadly got out. To this day, im regretful, it was my purpose in life to retire as a military man but i didnt, i live with this everyday of my life. As well as the fact never marrying or having kids, knowing that i will die and not leave my mark in this world. I have no friends, and havent had a girlfriend in a […]
i dont know how to say goodybye. i dont know how to leave this cruel world. i drown in misery everyday of my life. maybe its laziness. i dont know what is wrong with me. i cannot get up in the mornings to attend school. im failing all my classes because i miss soo much. my ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend and it kills me everyday to see them. my mom has been gone for about three years out who knows where with another man. i feel so empty and im not happy. i dont remember what it feels like to even be happy. […]
That’s my biggest problem. I’ve made up my mind a long time ago that this is what i wanted but i still have no idea how i could end my life without too much physical pain. Physical pain is what keeps me away from suicide but i can only hope that it’s a matter of time before i find the miracle suicide method. My biggest fear is living for many more years in shame and regret because of my fear for physical pain. But sometimes i tell myself that the pain i feel inside is probably greater than any pain any suicide method would involve.There’s […]
For the past ten years i have been struggling with depression. i don’t know when the suicidal thoughts began… i felt so alone like no one could understand what i felt the way i felt it. i could not tell anyone how i felt up until two or three years ago. and even then, nothing changed for the better for me. i always wanted everything bad to stop. all the yelling, all the drinking and drugs… everything gone. i hated the way that everyone seemed oblivious to the pain i felt and it seemed like they didn’t care enough about me to even stop and […]
Everyday of my life is to please everyone else. But for every fake smile i put on my face to fool the stupid people i see, the more i die inside. I cant take it anymore. Being the “nice guy” never helped me with anything. I always have girls tell me “You’re way to nice”, and i ask “Is there something wrong with that?”, and they always say “Nah, i just wish i had a guy like you”. Well why dont they ever want me? They always say they want a nice guy, but then they go after the big douche bag that treats her […]
Does death have to be such a stigma ? If I choose to go can my loved ones be satisfied knowing that peace is with me (I hope) and I no longer suffer the unbearable, day to day mental obfuscation my own mind commits yet is self unrecognizable while it’s happening and too late to matter enough after the fact ? That has been my struggle since I was 18, I suppose, I’m 26 now and I’m ready to join the 27 club(if I get there). Everybody has their problems I suppose and I am no different, however I do feel like a 1 in […]
My professor once told me that feeling unwanted is the worst thing a human being can experience. I don’t know if he knew that I felt like this everyday of my life and wanted to say that he understands or if it was a mere coincidence.
No one really wants me. They see the Mickey Mouse costume, but not the person inside it.
They only want the character, not the actor.