I continuously listen Bring Me The Horizon’s song ‘Sempiternal’. Every lyric, every phrase I understand, and relate to. I really am going nowhere, and the scary thing is, I just don’t care. I’ve lost all interest in even the slightest exciting thing in my life. I use to be a great sportswoman. I played for my local soccer club, swimming 3 times a week, and did Taekwondo for around 3 years. I was sooo happy and people often mistaken me for having ADHD, due to my hyper exciting personality. Wow, I miss it. The thing is, something changed. something happened, and it was almost as […]
Tag:
Existance
I may not mind existing so much if I was invisible. If nobody could seee. That’s how I feel anyways, invisible. Nobody sees me. Nobody looks at me. I am surrounded by “family” and yet completely invisible. I could disappear and it make no differen e. I could evaporate into thin air and nobody notice. What kind of existance is that?
I want to kill myself.
Awww why you have a perfectly… almost perfectly good life. You’re just going through a bit of a rough time hang in there, its going to get better.
Its not going to get better, I’ve been wanting and waiting for it get better for how many years now… I can’t say I can predict the future but I’ve been understanding my feelings, my death wish, and I want to dies more than ever. I say more than ever, but I cant clearly remember all the reasoning, the beliefs, the crap that led to this point but I can say with confidence that […]
I’ve been trying to discover some meaning in life but keep coming to the conclusion that there isn’t one, because there isn’t. I wish I had a delusion like most people in order to get some fulfillment out of this, but I don’t, I never have, and I can’t lie to myself to create one. I’m too much of a realist, and I see how shitty this world is, and how pointless it all is and I just don’t want to be a part of it. I really hate life. Not mine in particular, although mine does indeed suck in many ways, but life in general. I […]
I’m 17 years old(will turn 18 this June),5″3,39 kg,underconfident,anxious,afraid,failure,looser,quitter……Ive been heavily suicidal for like five years now!!!
Mostly due to my academic stress….till highschool i scored great and was a bright minded geeky kid but for some odd reason i started to grow more and more fears and day by day the roots of those fears anchored deeply into my conscience and i ended up being a fiasco….i fail at everything….i cant reach out for even the simple mundane goals…apparently i am still bright and healthy but inside there is a neverending armageddon and mental anguish…I am dead…I’m just a breathing corpse without any genuine […]
My depression is getting bad again and I want to die. I have severe social anxiety so i have no one to talk to. I can’t go to school because I am so depressed. I literally cannot even leave my bed. When I miss a week of school none of my classmates notice that i was ever gone. No one acknowledges my existance now, but i can almost guarentee that if i killed myself, the people at my school would act like its so tragic and “i was such a beautiful person.” i hate society, i hate people and i want to die. Today my […]
I get so fucking tired of the “it will get better” and the “Don’t give up! That’s just when things are going to change!” or my favorite “There is a light at the end of the tunnel!” Fuck you. That light? It’s a god damn oncoming train.
Oh and those fuckin pro life bullshit assholes.. why Yes! YES!! YES I DO wish that my mother had aborted me asswipe. I dont know why she didn’t.
When I was 3 months old I had spinal menigitis. 3 weeks in the hospital. I stopped breathing. My heart stopped. No one held me. No one wanted to. […]
Life to me is just unhappiness i dont like being here really… Nobody has done anything to make me feel this way i just dont see the point in a meaningless unhappy life full of anger and depression… Im 14 and most people just say to me that i will be fine its just school and its stressful but school isnt a problem at all. I have friends and family that care about me but i never seek help from them because i dont like contact with other people, i like being alone by myself so i lock myself away.
I constantly question myself about my […]
For the past 10 or 12 years i have known that things in my life weren’t right. How on earth did i allow my sad pathetic life come to this? Alls i know is that i can’t take it anymore, constant thoughts of suicide even if i haven’t guts to do it i still have this strong feeling of wanting to die. I often question my very existance. I do understand what people are trying to do when they write stuff like ” It will get better” stuff like that, but at the same time it never does get any better. Just a few things […]
I think I could be crazy,
I just might be insane,
I don’t exactly know why,
But now,
Life’s a game.
I make all the rules
But still I never win,
Though I take the heavy losses
With a smile,
With a grin:
I can see the pieces falling,
The deck is shuffled once again,
The other players all are stalling; everyone wants to win.
In boardgames, though,
A winner can only be one;
And that takes away all the smiles,
All the laughs,
All the fun.
Some people fall to cheating,
Or resort to plain dumb luck,
Though no matter what they’re feeding
Their desire to come out […]
Everything seems like a good idea when you’re drunk…
I spared little emotion for my friends. none for my family. none for all those I had seen just the night before, there’s nothing that can have you writhing on the floor like angry pain blown up by a bottle of whiskey. but that’s who I was. This was any other night. just like the one a couple months ago where my friends rescued me from the police, just like the one the other week where I had rode a flight of stairs.
A text from the ex, oh yeah that woman who had left me for another […]
I’ve never done this before but I need someone who understands me to talk to. Let me start by describing myself a little bit. So I’m a 25yo woman (kid at heart). I’m told by most I look like I should be a model (I don’t see it). I have an awsome personality very down to earth open minded and supportive to others and have a lot of knowledge about life do to my own exploring. I have no kids but the best dog in the world that I would take a bullet for and a man of 6 years. But ever since I can […]
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where have i gone wrong?Â
my deep decent into depression is worse than i thought possible. i have literally lost my mind. ive driven myself mad. i dont know whats real anymore,i cant concentrate. i daydream consistently, i cant controll it, its like ny mind is trying ti escape reality. its become so severe i struggle to tell if im actually imagining it or its really happening. im so insecure, i have no friends, my family disownes me, treats me like absolute shit. im so very alone, not a single person to talk to, but thats just reality. i dont sleep anymore, i just lay in […]
I am not one for showing my true feelings to the general public. I consider myself to have gone completely numb on the inside but nobody could ever tell thanks to my happy personality which I fake just so I do not have to answer questions regarding my true life. I thought once I got out of high school my life would be a bit different, it is in some ways but not everything is peachy. I have been physically and mentally abused by my mom since I was born and I am 21 now and it still continues. According to her I am worthless, […]
Wake up.  Go to work/school.  Come home.  Go to sleep.   Wake up.  Go to work/school.  Come home.  Go to sleep.   Wake up.  Go to work/school.  Come home.  Go to sleep.   Wake up.  Go to work/school.  Come home.  Go to sleep.   Wake up.  Go to work/school.  Come home.  Go to sleep.   Wake up.  Go to work/school.  Come home.  Go to sleep. Â
Enough.  There is simply no point.  No joy, no happiness.  Just existance.  Breathing.  Wasting space.
Enough already. I am sick of breathing for no purpose.
My father’s existance summarizes how my life has been for me in a metaphorical term. Emotional blackmail.
My father calls me 24 times a day sometimes more for very trivial things. I do them. If i don’t I know what will happen.
Trash, yard, clean, glass of water, make my food, find my shoes, shave my beard, find my clothes, mow the lawn, water the grass, find my glasses, where’s my tooth brush, let’s get groceries. You go in the store I’ll stay outside (he talks on the phone to some woman i don’t know) Oh i didn’t give you enough money? How much is the […]
I have been so sad, so hurt, i felt mad, i felt so bad. But its gone now, i don’t feel anymore, I dont care, And it feels so great.
I sat here for a while and listened and tried to help  your problems, while no one really did the same for me, but how can they? How can you help someone with a problem if you are that problem?. You can’t, so i didn’t expect much, But anyways, fuck it. Its finally over, no longer do i care, no longer will i sit here and try to help you with your life, I got my […]
Yahh. Everyone asks that question. “Are you OK”? What do you think Im going to say? You expect me to just completeley scream out my feelings.. No! Im going to say “Yahh. Its all good”. Well. I used to. But I need to tell someone my feelings.. Im only 12. I live in Florida, and my stepdad and mom moved me away from my family in Minnesota. 🙁 I have a 5 year old little sister who looks entirely up to me.. And my mom is pregnant with a boy now. I want to kill myself. I might. Im in the seventh grade. I went […]
When my best life time perioud leaves me I know that it’s not the same…
Death isn’t just mouving from one room to another or ending an reletionship… but for me that is good enough to be true….
It wasn’t never what it is now or what it will be tomorow morning… It will e never the same, I’ll be never the same vivid calange searchingm young phisitian and programist, I’ll never revolution for thousents of people including me again or share my dreames and love, in life with no pain until …
Funny that Garsie Marckes wrote about it in one of his books so no, I […]
I tried to invest my 401k myself (some say gambled) and lost allot and now I cannot retire. I lost my job and my wife diagnosed with cancer could not get healthcare except Cobra which ends soon. I did get a job recently and my wife should get healthcare if all goes well. My son has two DUI”s with drugs will go to jail at a young age. I am having terrible depression anxiety coping over the 401k money loss as I could end up penniless if the new job does not go well whereas I could have retired today or just had […]
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