Right now, my coping mechanisms are overeat, drink, pray to God that I don’t wake up when I finally get to sleep, and the best so far is rationalizing suicide and coming up with an exit plan. Work doesn’t want me anymore, so I’m not even productive. With a Plan B, it is extremely relieving to finally have SOME control over what is going on with my body. That’s my best coping mechanism.
Does anyone have better ideas for coping?
Tonight is the last meeting of a Suicide Survivors group that I’ve been going to for a months. Its a group for people who have survived at least one suicide attempt in the last year. I adore the group members and hope them all the best… it breaks my heart thinking that I will be abandoning them in the following weeks; Â I believe its better to disapear then to make any announcement that I will be following through with my exit plan. It fills me with sadness to imagine any of the other members doing what I will be doing to myself… I baked cupcakes […]
i want to die soooo bad, i think about it all the time now. i’ve been thinking about shooting myself in the head, i’ll put the gun in my mouth to make sure i dont survive. yep, thats how i want to die, i have officially chosen my exit plan. im not sure on when im going to do it, but its probably going to be soon. hopefully before anyone suspects me of being suicidal again. right now, everyone thinks im fine, that im doing great, but on the inside, im despising every single minute of living. i have gotten used to being suicidal for […]
My hanging is still a plan. When I will go through with it is undecided. It will not be now. I have too much to do for the holidays, and things that i must deal with and take care of.
I have an ex that i need to deal with when the new semester starts in a few weeks.
I NEED to deal with that before i can leave this earth.
The hardest part though will be hurting my mother… She is the only thing that will hold me here.. ( ill write about her later if your curious)
But i am not worrying about that now, because for […]
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