Please can someone let me know (even privately) of the reputable suppliers of ******** given in PPH? I have very little money, have been in chronic pain, and feel it’s time to go. Please someone out there give me the advice I need. I don’t have the time or money for Dignitas.
Basically, I just don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t feel like anyone needs me here anymore, or that it’s a bad thing entirely to want people to need you.
I feel like a complete idiot, mistakes piled on mistakes, it just drives me nuts. Sure I know the whole “everyone makes mistakes talk” but I never learn from any of them.
I tried to let my emotions out through this girl I like and I’m constantly paranoid thinking that everything I told her doesn’t matter and that everyone on Earth including myself doesn’t want to hear other peoples problems. I’m rambling
Just help me get this over with please, list off some viable methods and I’ll get to it.
Things to consider
-I live with family
-Have $500 in the bank (let’s see what I can do with that)
-Painless exit I beg of you, quick at least
-Can’t buy a gun
The walls are closing in on me once again, and I feel as though I am suffocating. I’ve been trapped in this seemingly never ending abyss for just over eight years now, and everything seems to be getting worse. I have nothing to contribute to the world, except my death. Day in and day out, I have to force myself to get out of bed, and put on a happy facade. Putting on this facade is becoming increasingly difficult to do, and I just want to give up. I do not want to live. I am nothing but a disappointment to those that around me anyways, so hopefully my death can set them free from the burden that is me. Feeling hurts. Living like this hurts, and what’s the point anyways? I am never going to be the person that I once was. I cannot be the person that everyone expects me to be. I cannot contribute anything meaningful to the world. I have ruined my life. My thoughts have ruined me, and there is no climbing out of this hole that I have dug myself into. I hate myself. I am a failure. I could exit this world, and no one would notice, no one would even care….
I am so alone, so weak, so not anything worth keeping up a fight for.
You know those feelings that are so strong they just become unexplainable? That’s what this is like.
So now what am I supposed to say? “Goodbye cruel world.” Or whatever. No, there is nothing left to say, only to do. Go. Leave. Exit.
Contact info below.
I had a birthstar reading done for me and apparently for 17 years, 17 fucking painful, disappointing, abusive, heart wrenching, miserable years of struggle. I have been and am still going through the effects of a bad planet. So from the age 4 to 31 my life was destined to be bad. I pay money that I dont even have to get prayers and rituals done for me but I dont feel any better, just scared and full of anxiety. All I am told to do is pray and chant, but I dont feel any better. I must have been a really fucked up person. I have something called Kal Sarpa Yoga in this chart too, which is an affliction and some say is a blessing. Im going to Japan 2 months from now, Im going to stay there as long as I can. When my visa expires Im going to Ctb. I was going to ask for a partner someone with whom to do this with but I was specifically told not to have a partner in any endeavor. So then, I will be giving my email and text me app number. I sincerely ask if any of you know where I can get ******** and not be scammed before I leave for this place please, please, please, please send me that info. Make a fake email address if you want just tell me, firstname.lastname@example.org 786 372 6920. Please.
Exit songs, or I suppose they could double as just, depression songs.
Do you have any?
I thought this would be a good chance to gain insight on each other.
Mine would be :
Throw Away- Blue Stahli
Suffocating right- neuroticfish
Count to six and die- Marilyn Manson
Cocoon- Assemblage 23
Sorry if this seems insensitive at all, sometimes it’s just easier for me to communicate through music.
I have posted on this subject before but wondered who new may be willing to share their despair and/or dying songs. Â I hope, intend to terminate my time here with a damn good soundtrack blasting into my ears.
Eddie Vedder – Guaranteed, Far Behind, Society (from Into the Wild soundtrack)
Jeff Buckley – Hallelujah
Green Day – 21 Guns
REM – Try Not To Breathe
REM- I Wanted to Be Wrong, Why Not Smile
Crowded House – Weather With You
Yo Yo Ma and Alison Krauss – Simple GiftsÂ
THANKS for any suggestions everyone, I appreciate it.
Today I remember the life I had. Today I think of the posts I have read here. Today I rembember the people I have been a witness to in their exit. Â Today I hope all people will be given the legal right to make the choice I have had to search the world for. Today I look back in sorrow and look forward in anticipation. Â Today I wish for all, the lives they desire and the end they deserve. Today I am , if honest, a bit afraid. Â Today I am Â more sure than ever that what awaits me is better than what is behind me. Â Today I stop taking all medication that does not just stop the pain. Â Today I am happy.
Since I was seventeen I have suffered from an anxiety disorder so that’s four years now. It gets better then it gets worse. The constant up and down exhausts me so much. I have tried all types of treatments and I consider myself quite a worldly and wise person for my age. I have tried much self therapy and my own things to help with recovery but I have only gotten so far and fallen back in the hole that is my disorder. I have contemplated suicide numerous times but have never actually attempted it. I’m sick of it and I’m just tired so tired. I’m tired of being scared and I’m tired of fighting. I have had much support but the effects of my illness and the events that led up to my illness just never get better. Anyways I’ve pondered deeply on the matter and have concluded I wish to go. I’m
Looking for a calm and peaceful exit from my anxiety ridden life does anyone have any suggestions? I’m certain I can get a variety of medications from the health care professionals I see I am in Australia though so drug names instead of brand names please! (If mentioning drugs) please help me help myself.
I’m not expecting much. There’s little risk here.
A man jumps from the tenth story of a building. A crowd gathers – though not too close – to the scene of the act. You always need one person to alarm the ambulance; perhaps one to call the police, too. Â I’d recommend someone to clean up the mess.
The rest are mere witnesses. In all, a heartbreak for a few, an inconvenience for some, perhaps an envious end for others.
Now, there is someone else: the person looking down from the ledge. It’s hard to see them, as they’re so high up. There’s the obvious distraction down below, as well. They are shouting, screaming, so loudly that their throat is tearing. No-one hears.
There is another fall, eventually. It is slower than the last, and it has no end. Eyes blur eventually, as patterns appear in the cascading windows. The air numbs the face, strains the eyes and wipes away the evidence. Muscles brace, the mind clenches for impact, locked in eternal anticipation. Nothing comes.
I’m sorry that you may find the absence of entrails unfortunate. This is not a tale typed with bloodied fingers, or watched with whited eyes. I understand that there is little glory involved with saving someone who seems to be in no danger of death. I am cursed to care too much to abandon care, but I am as much dead as any man who lived.
My appointment is roughly 24 hours away and it will be the first time I’ve gone to a therapist/doctor – now I’m wondering: if I mention my recent failed attempt(s) and my true thoughts will they commit me to hospital? Â My attempt a week ago failed then two days later I was thwarted by a recently installed fence preventing me to simply hop into an exit.
The appointment is with a psychologist however, she works with a psychiatrist in the same office. Â Honestly, I’m not even sure how I’ll feel speaking to this individual even though she was quite comforting during the initial telephone call so given this, do I even bring it up? Â This may seem a silly question but I’m 43 and have Â never hired a shrink. Â My worst fear in this step is if I open up and discuss what I feel and what I have done that they’ll urge or in the worst case scenario take legal action to have me placed in hospital. Â I could not deal with that right now as 1) the financial burden arising from it would simply be too much 2) I’m actively seeking employment and while on benefits you *must* be available the entire week – hospitalisation would deduct benefits for that period of time which, I just can not afford 3) it would seem to me as just another typical way of me failing.
I have not reached for this sort of assistance so I owe it to myself to see where it leads after all, death is the final option … I still have this *one* remaining. Â If medication is suggested I’ll accept this as part of the option but, hospitalisation … this is just unacceptable.
I’ve watched the Doing it with Betty videos on making the bag and putting the whole assembly together but they seem to skip over how to make the pressure regulator that she has. Â I also have been researching for about a week on this and still haven’t found out how to make it. Â The tank I’m getting has the balloon valve on it (said I was needing it for a part, dumb me) so I don’t know how to get a different valve now. Â Any help?
See- prom is coming up. Every year I go to prom with my friends and I have a great time. I don’t think this year will be fun. I’ve got a stressed head thinking about my final grades, college programming, summer job possibilities, dealing with family (cancer patients, old with broken bones, trying to live my life for me), and the person I love and whether or not we are going to get back together. If this were a movie, then I would exit prom drunk and happy with my friends and when he tried to take me back, I would either throw up on him and laugh or I would fall into his arms and kiss him and he would take me home and we would sleep. But this isn’t a movie. And no one likes a drunk person at prom. But this is the only way that I can feel good these days. Because if I don’t then I run until I can’t breathe anymore and the pain in my sides is too much. And I look over the side of the bridge that I’m standing on and wonder “Why not?”. Cuz if I land just perfectly, then even if I only get knocked unconscious by the fall, the train will run me over and I’ll really be no more. I know people care about me. But I also know that no one notices shit! I spent months, more, cutting and my mom didn’t notice. My friends noticed. And they were saddened and dissappointed. But she didn’t. I mean, if I get drunk on prom night and stumble over the side of the bridge, would it be my fault? And yes, people would greive! But who really cares? In a world where innocent people die everyday in other countries and our own. One of my friends from freshman year who got kicked out of my school, she recently committed suicide. NO ONE in my school knows about it, or if they do, they don’t care enough to tell others. She was funny and nice, a stoner and a bit depressive, but she was a wonderful person! And who the FUCK cares????? Just because I’m not really one to dissappear and just because I’m a bit more popular does NOT mean that people should care more about me than about her. If I were to die, then I would let them all feel pain. I keep telling myself that I gotta take the harder way out though. Cuz life is shit.
So, I just cannot carry on a minute longer, and yet I’m forced to. I have an incurable disease and am so incredibly depressed with all this suffering. Having failed to jump off a high bridge, drown myself, suffocate with a bag and an overdose and bag, I am now going for the Helium bag method. I really need this to work. I’ve bought the cylinder, made the exit bag and now I just need the hose and the regulator. I’ve been trying to get a response from Exit but my emails and phone messages have gone unanswered. Has anyone managed to communicate with them? I know that there have been a lot of threads on this method, but I don’t want to spend my money on something that isn’t going to arrive.
Helium or ******** – what’s your story?
If I was real and told my new psychologist that I’m trying to get hold of enough heroin to od on, or my exit bagplan. I wonder if I told her I dream of diving off the m4 bridge would she offer some support? Or will I simply be locked up again? Should I be honest, can they really help me then?
I’m 21, (ya I know I’m young) .. My whole life has been nothing but suffering. I’ve been bullied since I could remember. I’ve had my ups and down’s but have been depressed for many years. It’s at its worst right now. I don’t have a licence, I don’t have a job, I don’t have highschool, I will never see college. I don’t even know what I want to do for my future. I don’t even see me having a future. MyÂ boyfriendÂ left me because he “doesn’t love me” anymore. He can’t understand what I’m going through. We still talk. He’s going to be dating someone else soon. It hurts more than anything, I love him so much and he’s all I have left. My parents severely underestimate my pain and sadness, they are the type that think that there is always a freakin rainbow over every hill (my ass). My best friend stopped associating with me for no reason, out of nowhere. I don’t have a single person to call a friend… I talk to one single person very rarely (like once a week), and I don’t even know how to think anymore because I have so little conversation. I never leave my house because I have nowhere to go. I know I’m going to be spending the holidays alone. Its the only time in my life where I wasn’t looking forward to December. I’m at the end of my rope. I know that there is no happiness for me. No one wants me, or talks to me, or loves me. No one can even see my pain, they just expect me to go on medication and try, try, try. Like its so easy..
I know its never going to get better, it never has; or it gets better and when I finally see any bit of happiness something takes it away. I was so happy with him, I had so much, and it slowly and painfully got taken away from me.. I don’t know what wants me to suffer so bad. I’m a good person, I care about others. I love to make people smile and feel good about themselves, even if I don’t know them. I believe in and fight forÂ what’sÂ right. I just can’t fight for myself, anymore.
I really really want a peaceful death. I have never cut or anything. Pain terrifies me, I have a very very lowÂ toleranceÂ I was thinking of either a helium or ******** hood, but I feel like something will make it fail and leave me with brain damage or something. I know that I have many time periods where no one will disturb me so if I do it right I know it will go all the way, I don’t know of anything that could go wrong. I just wanted to know some details about this method (ex. if you pass out in less then a minute, then what is the point of having more then one helium tank? If your passed out how can you switch them?). I don’t know where or how to make these things. I’ve beenÂ researchingÂ but I want to be 100%Â knowledgeableÂ in what I’m doing. I don’t want to fail.. it can’t fail..
So my plan was to have tons of sex before i die, i have had a lot so far, but hit a bump in the road, i have hpv.. (genital warts) and i always use protection during sex, thisis the first breakout ive had in 2 years.. ive tryed freezing them off, taking multi vitamins, and there healing now, so ive tryed to hang myself 3 times the past month, and oviously failed, but i have a new method, charcol gas grill, in my car, i know i will die soon, i guerentee it, mabe the next week, mabe next month, certintly before 2013, its to funny how last year i bought a gun and the night before i was going to kill myself, somebody breaks in my car and steals it..anyway.. im so done with life its truely time to exit, i just got to clear these warts up so i can feel good again (sex) but i still try every week to hang myself but i cant fight the human instinkt to stay alive, so ive done research on charcol gas grill and when I decide, i will go peacefully in my car, i will fall asleep and die from carbon minoxide poisioning, and im really looking forward to it, its cheap and painless.., anyway i am going to have more fun before i do, cuz wants i do, thetes no coming back… death is final… in the mean time.. im just relaxing and say fuck all the bullshit.. it feels so good to have something to look forward to..my death 😉
I’ve been moving on lately. Not in the way one would imagine. I’ve become raw and uncut in my creativity. I’m exposing myself to the world with photos of what i see, thing I model in a virtual space, things i may draw by hand and music. Oh no I’m still not happy. But I’ve decided to keep pretending.
I”m doing light work. Work as in making amends to old flames if I possibly can. Maybe an offer of friendship or two. I’m learning to forgive my parents even though they still bait trap and subtly belittle for effect, and myself because I keep making mistakes. Alot of them. And the ones I used to make.
My memory is acting up on me still. The past is in the present. I’m physically throwing punches at it in the quiet of my room. Wrestling it away because it won’t stop bothering me. Teeth gritted, heart pounding, and anger brewing. Many have said what’s done is done the past is past. Oh I do agree. It would help if my brain could seriously comprehend this because I even say this aloud (enough for me to hear) to give it less power. No doing it says to me. The memory is playing tricks in the short term. Nearly putting food in the closet, turning off the sprinkler when I just turned it on only to be told I actually turned it off the moment I went inside. And I don’t remember a thing. I must be getting worse.
And I’ve made some plans for the future. Or I tried to. That farm I planned to off myself on years down the line won’t be attainable. New Zealand’s land prices are too high. Understandable. Sad though, The land does look wonderful and lush in some areas. Trying to find a piece of job to make myself look normal. That money won’t buy that land. I don’t have 5mill. Eventually deciding that when I’m on my own I’ll purchase a firearm. Personal protection first and foremost. Everything is much to unpredictable, especially the recent scare I had. Second most also for later down that line.
I’m trying to friend an old crush of mine. That’s all she was back in high school. One year older than me. I actually really wanted to get to know her. She was mysterious in her own way and I always curious what kind of goals she had for herself, interests that sort of thing. She seemed ambitious and I was always genuinely intrigued. I messed it up because I didn’t know how to express how I felt. So I wrote her a poem, drew her a picture, said hello every now and then. She eventually asked me why I never just told her. I told her the truth. Then i messed up again and I had decided it was best not to talk with her. Years later I feel sorted in that one sense enough just for a platonic relationship. The rest is if she accepts and then I can talk with her like I always wished I could. If it doesn’t work I can’t blame myself because I actually gave a real wholehearted effort.
So I’m looking to mend that. But in the mean time I’m just distracting myself with millions of things and projects because I’m tired of believing, wanting, and even falling in love. I’ll settle for friendships as they are easier to cultivate for me. I’m trying to be myself to the outside world and to my closest friends. I love them and in this I’d be going out with a bang in later years.
People will get to see something raw and unedited for a limited time. I am tired of being ashamed of that. The limited time…Because that too…is apart of me.