A song by Skillet, my favorite band. I bet a lot of people here can relate to this song as much as I can.
my favorite band motion city soundtrack has lyrics that everyone should consider;
“they say what doesnt kill us
MAKES US WHO WE ARE”
as much as we can all look at our ‘struggles’ and ‘disorders’ as something that defines us, dont let it. dont BE your disorder. dont let it ruin or run your life, from depression panic disorder, bipolar, ED, whatever. youre lettinng whatever created that disorder in the first place make you.
i know how hard it is, to make a conscience effort to just BE YOU everyday with the struggles of school, work, kids, significant others, family and the fucking economyy on top of it.
no other words to describe it.
dont be a martyr for anything but yourself. dont let others validation be what keeps you breathing everyday. trust; in ten years, the douchebags who make your life a living hell aree the ones you’re going to see in walmart overweight in flip flops and stretch pants with 5 kids and 5 baby daddies. [i could go on for days. i know right NOW it doesnt seem this way. but ive seen it so often where the ones who were hotshit in school are NO BODY. i wouldnt fuck them if my life depended onn it but i recall when at one poitn every wanted them. the ones who called you losers end up being the losers in the long run of lilfe. sadly life is nothing but a gigantic social status race. after awhile social status doesnt mean a damn thing. and to the ones who it does its bc their personality is shit and no one wants to be with them anyway]
i have no idea where i was going with this. im just so fucking tired of seeing beautiful young people wanting to off themselves nine times outta ten bc of the actionis of others driving them there. life is cruel, and people are crueler.
but good god. i wish everyone knew how it does get better.
[for those whos wounds are deeper than remarks from peers….its harder i know…suffering from the hands of those who you love n trust… theres no where on this planet you can hide to excape from your own head and the horrific memories… my only advice is to weed out the bullsiht. until you get the bad out your life you wont be happy. i went from 80lbs to 115 in 4 months simply by getting my own parents out of my life bc….as much as you might love soemone, the stress and anxiety in the end will kill you unless you sever those ties. not nessicerily forever, i hve a 3 yr old who i hurt for not knowing her grandparents. but to save her from what i went through is the decision a mother has tomake for her child.]
love everyone. show respect. show courage. show coompassion. show empathy. foreveryone. you never know onne day your words might be the ones who deeply help someone…. be that light in someones life that you want in yours. much love to everyone…take care of yourselves. sometimes our SELF and feeding it healthily, talking to ourselves is the best thinng we can do. take time to get to know YOU….
I know this is a page devoted to suicidal feelings, but I’m in a good and sharing mood and am going to try something a little different if anyone’s interested. Basically you just have to send me the letters to you name or a certain word (if you’re uncomfortable giving out your name) and I’ll answer the questions that go with it 🙂
Well it wasn’t until about aÂ coupleÂ months ago that I found Â out I hadÂ Asperger’s autism. In some ways it doesn’t bother me, in fact I like knowing so I can get help but on the other hand now that I know that changes some ways I see life. I was told that I might never be able to drive a car because of my lack of a sense of direction. Now I have always been afraid of the idea of me driving. To many risks. I know now that I can relearn things but even with years of therapy and being included in many social gathers I still would never fully know about how to interact. My IQ is 112 which is good but it’s not like I am ultra smart like other people who have it.Â Â I consider myself to be more book smart then sense smart. The new medicine I have been taking makes me feel dizzy and lightheaded at times but that is just a price to pay at times. I like Â dark story books. The ones like Edgar Allan Poe. My favorite movie is all the Rocky movies. Â Can’t pick just one with that movie series. I like Christian Rock. It’s great stuff.Â Thousand Foot KrunchÂ Â would be my favorite band since every song I have heard from them has been great. I’m not really tall but maybe I will grow into my dads height. I’m 5’10 and I’m fat at 245 pounds but I’m hoping to lose the pounds in the next few months. I start my diet and workout today. I want to say I’m sorry if I say anything that is offensive. I tend to have moments when I get so mad and upset that I can’t stop myself at all.
But, sometimes her memory can get to me. Like her artwork hanging up in one of our similar classes, or seeing her eat quietly to herself during lunch hour. Brings up the painful memories of our happy times together. And this makes me lonesome sometimes. I am happy don’t get me wrong, but I just feel that hole that she created in me when I think about it. My story often reminds me of the song “Yesterday” by my most favorite band The Beatles. And sometimes when I listen to it, the memories of it all come flooding back to me.
I’ve shared my story before on a different website (Yahoo Answers, which is known not to be as kind to adolescent problems.) But I never felt closure to this chapter in my life soon after I posted it there. But I’m glad I got to share this story with you all. And maybe someone out there whose going through or has gone through this sort of circumstance can find comfort that I’ve been there too.
Now when I see my friend,her mother, or father. I now look at them as I would a stranger. Kind yet cautious.(not to say I’ll be put off by anyone one one here.) but that now..I’ve moved on, and I’m a much stronger and confident person than I was back then. I can now thank my friend for all those wonderful times I spent with her, and the tears we shared together. And I also thank her for making me who I am today.
And maybe one day I will give her this to read so I can finally tell her goodbye. And that I’ve forgiven her for what happened (even though she believes she has done nothing wrong…give me a break…) And that I can finally tell her goodbye And that she’s nothing more of a memory to me now. (enough already)
So I say to you all that have been reading my soon to be forgotten story..Thank you. And that I hope all who read this will find comfort in this chapter of my life, and can make the blow of one who got away, was lost or misplaced feel alot more easy to take. Thank you so much
I believe that our choice of music is very much a reflection of our souls.Â I’m a bit older than average amongst the people here.Â I feel fortunate to have come of age during one of the best musical booms in American history, New Wave, and its technological red-headed step child, synthpop.Â I’ve always been musically inclined, and I found I had a strong affinity for the pasty white boys standing behind keyboards pushing buttons in order to “play live”.Â My all-time favorite band is Erasure, whose popularity in America peaked when I was in college, but I frequently “worship” the “Holy Trinity”: Erasure, Depeche Mode, and Pet Shop Boys.Â Ironic that in spite of my lifelong struggle with anxiety and depression that I would be drawn to the most positive and uplifting of the three.
Right now I’m listening to the station I created on Pandora.Â http://www.pandora.com/#!/stations/edit/338072436794713920 What do you listen to, and why?
I turned 14 on the 3rd
I have been sexually abused around 4-5 times
I recently found out in an empath and can see/feel spirits
I am bisexual
I have a girlfriend
I have forgiven my sexual abusers
I self diagnosed myself with a chronic social anxiety disorder
I have a needle phobia,its pretty bad
My favorite color is any shade of green except normal green 🙂
I am fairly happy
I survived chronic depression without medication or a therapist
I hate my mother
I love mismatched socks
I dress emo
My favorite band at the moment is Botdf
My girlfriend is cheating on me and I act like Idc…I really do 🙁
I’ve cheated in her to…we have a pattern
I hate when people cry in front of me I never know what to do
I can’t stand people fighting or screaming in from if me…i get scare 🙁
I haven’t cut for a whole year because I have her 🙂
I love my curly,puffy hair
I have a dog named soufle (soo-flay)
My hair is naturally dark brown but turns golden brown in the sun
I like helping people and meeting new friends 😀
I want to meet you guys we should talk,can we?you know stuff about me can I know stuff about you to?can we be friends?im a good listener,will you let me listen to your story?
My email is email@example.com
Can we be friends…please? 🙂
I had the idea quite awhile ago that I will get a tattoo to represent each thing that has saved my life and kept me alive. I already have my first tattoo, which is the beginning of this process. That way, when I look at the tattoo, I’m reminded of why I’m alive.
Here’s my list, starting with the bigger influences and moving on to the little things. Keep in mind that I come up with new ideas once in awhile.
1. Copper, my basset hound from when I was a kid. That dog was my baby, she passed away when I was 16. I have her name tattooed on my lower left leg.
2. My grandmother. Every time I was treated like shit by my parents, I ran to her and she reminded me that “this too shall pass.” Which is what I want to get tattooed on my back or my right shoulder blade. She also taught me how to sew, an art form that has kept me alive…
3. Art has kept me alive. I love anything to do with creating works of art, from drawing and coloring to sewing, fashion, painting, music, singing, playing instruments, sculpting, origami, writing, photography, filming, you name it.
4. I’ve played piano since 5th grade, I want to get a tattoo how piano and music has kept me going in life.
5. My favorite band, My Chemical Romance. Call me stupid for getting a tattoo of a band that may not be popular later, but I look at it like something that has kept me alive. I want to get this tattoo on my right foot or ankle.
(moving on to smaller stuff, not sure if I want to get tattoos of these)
6. Disney movies. just pop in an old princess movie in the VCR, and all of my problems go away for about 90 minutes. Right now, for the past 2 days I’ve been contemplating my suicide, when I put Beauty and the Beast in the DVD player. all of a sudden I forget everything. honestly its really only Disney movies (and similar animated movies like Shrek and Anastasia) that take me away. regular live-action movies don’t do that for me.)
7. One of my friends (won’t say his name on here) has talked me out of killing myself several times, on occasions where I’m on the verge of doing something drastic. I would just get his initials tattooed very small in a place I can hide easily, if I were to get that tattooed. I’m not sure.
That’s mostly it, for now. I can’t kill myself until I get a tattoo for each of these things, at least the major things.
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