Haven’t been here in a while. Things got better for a while but somehow i’m the same again. I feel so lifeless. Found something temporarily for my hurt but when that’s not enough, I’m not sure what I will turn to. I’ve been feeling down lately, feel like i don’t want to live anymore. I’ve turn to cutting to ease my pain, holds me about a day or so. First it was just my wrist then I’ve move to my face. It’s a bit uncomfortable because people always watch me like what happen to me. They often ask if someone is beating me. I work in a supermarket, so my scars are visible to everybody. I don’t know what to do because cutting is the only thing that keeps me relax. Weird but that’s how I feel. I really wish things would get better for me. I cry most of the time to fall asleep. My life is really broken. 23 years of life and I’m sorry to say that I hate it. Surprisingly, I’m still here because I have a son. Don’t want to break his heart like mine is broken.
I usually only post here when im feeling down or having one of my harder days. But today I just wanted to check in with some positive thoughts.
Today my life is still not perfect but it is better. I pulled through the dark thoughts I was having and even feel grateful for the family I have and the life we have together. Things are not perfect but that is ok. I doubt things will ever be perfect. There will always be things to be upset about but today I am focusing on the good things.
Thank you all for putting up with my dark side lol. I am grateful for having this site to vent on as well. I appreciate you all.
Is it just me orr what? I live life as the most friendliest person ever. Not because I think I should, but because I generally believe that being nice is worth so much more than being a rude inconsiderate individual. Being nice honestly hasn’t gotten me anywhere in life. People just seem to generally dislike me. I can’t tell you how many times people have tried to fight me, over just being a cool person to them. I’m not ugly, or shallow or prude. Everyone says I’m really good looking, but looks honesty don’t matter. I feel like if I wasn’t good looking, it might be easier to meet new people, or have someone actually hit me up for once to hang out. Life is so darn lonely, when all you do is try, and are constantly let down. When I was on my anxiety/depression medication all it did was make me not fear suicide, I lost a lot of friends, relationships, family..so I stopped talkin it and honestly I’m doing better. I decided that I no longer need the approval of others or the friendships and relationships I once craved. Instead I’m focusing more on what I love and like to do. Which is generally playing hockey on my PS4, working 9 hour shifts every day and drinking a single 32 ounce beer at the bar after work. I’m not starting to become a paramedic because it makes me feel accomplished with my life even though all the horrible things I see day to day doing so. It makes me believe I matter even if no one is willing to make me matter to them. I’m not gonna lie I’m terrible with woman: when it comes to my anxiety, it always gets the best of me, and I’ve kind of just realized it’s better to not even try anymore. Literally heartbreak drives me insane and if rather be a 44 year old man living by himself then a 24 year old kid killing himself over the need to be wanted and loved. It took me over 8 years to realize this and I want to just let everyone out there who is feeling down about the same struggles, is that you’re not alone. But we can no longer depend on the satisfaction of others accepting us to accept ourselves <3
okay so I’m a 15 year old girl( I turn 16, in just over a week) and instead of being absolutely over whelmed with excitement for my birthday, which’ll be spent with friends and false happiness. But nonetheless right now all I’m filled with is a numbness and thoughts that are bad and time consuming.
Its not a new feeling to me considering I’ve been feeling suicidal since I was 10 ( which was the first time I tried to suffocate myself ), the feelings have never really abandoned me, and i always feel like I’m stuck with them. It didn’t help that earlier this year, around March, I finally told everyone that I am feeling down continuously and suicidal, and the doctor announced me as being depressed and I’ve been on the highest dosage of depressants a minor can take. Which sometimes I feel as if are the only reasons I sometimes smile at all.
But yeah, I think I’ve only just found this website because my suicidal thoughts are worsening and I don’t want to go back to hospital when everyone believes I’m getting on the road to recovery, yet I can’t talk to them because I can see the stress and hurt it puts them under. So I was just wondering if someone out there would be willing to talk, or be a friend; preferably in the England region. Also I know I haven’t covered the reasons why I feel so shit, but I hope to be able to talk with somebody about them
Hey guys, I know some of you will read this, some of you won’t, I just want to say that if you are struggling, or hurting, feeling down and depressed, having suicide issues, or whatever it is, please come to me, I want to help you, I honestly, truly, really do. I want to help you get through it, I want us to talk, I care about each and every one of you on here and I know you guys may think “you won’t help me” “you have no idea” “I don need your help” but please give me a chance to help, this means alot to me, I want to inspire you guys to open up your eyes to not give up hope and to not let the weight of the world be on your shoulders, please, come to me. If you have a Kik, my name is RainCameAsRomans, their is hope, speak to me, I will do whatever it takes. <3
. i just wish i could connect with someone. i dont know if i have much time left with my internet. Also, im not sure if i have much of my particular life left. I wish i could say something meaningful right now, something that i can give to the world, before i pass away either from heartache, or from some other reason.
hi ..I always feel lonely and unloved Im always afraid to try new things I always feel nervous when there’s a new event in my life it feels like I will do some mistakes again ..and I can’t think of any positive things maybe because of too many bad things happened to me when I was a kid ..I’m always bullied by my classmates and there’s no one like me because they said I’m ugly. even my mother and father always saying that I’m ugly and I’m just a thrash in their lives ..that’s really hurtful when it comes to your own family that your hoping that will lift you up when your feeling down..and now my I’m so so sad I’m 21 and I can’t finish my college I’m still in my first semester ..I’m always scared I’m too clingy with my high school friends but they’re gone coz most of my friends have their own family now and I feel so so lonely.. I’m loosing interest of doing anything ..there’s no one there to talk about this ..my ex bf are just from social dating sites and I don’t take them serious .
I only come to this website when I’m feeling down
and that’s ok because I know it will pass eventually
but it also sucks because I know that it will also come back like always.
It’s just a bummer to be doing something and then have the horrible thoughts come into your head. You don’t want them there but they stick around anyway, making everything miserable.
Anyway, that’s all.
I hope you all have a good day, stick in there you guys.
I apologize for the lengthiness of this in advance. Just kind of the story of my life starting from 7th grade to now. No need to read it if you don’t want to.
I’m only 15. I’m currently a freshman in high school, and I’ve been battling depression since around seventh grade.
Before you ask: no, I’m not diagnosed, but I’m positive I’m depressed. I’m perfectly aware of all of the symptoms associated with depression, most of which I have.
Anyway, the symptoms started appearing sometime around sixth grade, but not enough so that I was truly depressed. My grandfather had died the year before, and I didn’t really have any close friends that year to talk to about it so my feelings were kept mostly to myself.
It was seventh grade when I really started feeling down. That year I broke my hip, so I was forced to stop gymnastics until it healed properly. At the same time, I made it to the top 15 in my school’s singing competition. Unfortunately, I was still on crutches when the final round started, and I had to perform on a stool on the stage. This caused a lot of anxiety, and I didn’t sound that great. People started bullying me because I sounded so bad and because I was temporarily “crippled.”
Music/singing and gymnastics were (and still are) two huge parts of my life, so these events resulted in a huge blow to my self-esteem.
Right when my hip healed and I was back to gymnastics I managed to break my toe so badly I was in a cast, resulting in even less time I was able to do gymnastics.
That summer my younger brother had a seizure. I was in the room with him when it happened, but I didn’t notice due to the fact that he was still able to walk, he just couldn’t control about half of his body. Most people wouldve thought it was a stroke. Thankfully, he was able to walk to the opposite side of the house where my dad was. He had stayed home sick that day.
My brother had a seizure because of a benine tumor on his brain. He went in for surgery the day after his 9th birthday. Everything went well, and he’s doing very well now which I can’t be more thankful for. At that time though, I was still lacking very close, supportive friends, so it was very tough to get through.
Just after that, we found out my hip didn’t heal properly, and I was taken out of gymnastics again. By this point it was the start of the eighth grade. I was on crutches for the third time, and I was voted biggest klutz. To clarify: I’m not that klutzy. The bones I broke were from gymnastics and it not healing properly was only because it’s very difficult to treat. Anyway, people were making fun of me again because of my “klutziness.” I was already upset though because it was at this point that I began developing chronic migraines. My dad told me this would be my last year of gymnastics. He pulled me out just this June.
So my only escape became music. Once again, I was voted into the top 15. The only difference was that this time, I was an alternate. The teachers are always judges. Apparently they made me an alternate because they remembered my performance from last year, despite the fact that they said previous years didn’t count for anything. I know this is true because a teacher literally told me why I was an alternate.
So being an alternate meant that I would still be able to perform, but it wouldn’t count for anything unless one of the actual contestants didn’t show up. The judges left during my performance. The only people really paying attention were a few of my teachers, my parents, and my friends. It was pretty disappointing.
So that brings me to freshman year. We’re nearing the end. I’ve met a few good friends. A lot of my old ones have since moved on now that I’m going to a new school. Even the ones that are in the same school have also since moved on. My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s this year, and is struggling to remember me and the rest of my family. My friends are no help at all with this. This is also the first year Ive ever had a C on my report card and my mother is not happy about that.
i don’t know what it is but this year I feel as though I’ve been more depressed than ever. My self harming (which started somewhere in either seventh or eighth grade, possibly the summer between) has gotten worse. I’ve never thought about suicide this much. I don’t know why.
So Friday a teacher that I talk to, told me that she wants me to help her in building my self esteem. I don’t know what to do. I’m so use to feeling down and taking pain pills and cutting myself, I don’t know if I can change or if I’m even WILLING to change. I told her I wasn’t willing to try and she told me to think about it and tell her my answer Monday. I don’t want to hurt her, when we finished our conversation Friday she walked away wiping her eyes. I know how much she loves and cares about me and she’s done alot for me. But I don’t know. I’m also 16 and don’t want to get in trouble with my mom or by the school.
If I say yes I’m willing to try, she’d be happy. But I’d be lieing. I’d still think bad about myself and still do the stupid stuff I do. And she’d be sad. But if I tell her the truth she’d be sad for a little but then get over it, right?
And my last resort is to walk into her office Monday and tell her I can’t talk to her anymore because I don’t want to hurt her with the bad stuff I’m doing, cause I could possibly kill myself, and I don’t want her to think that was because of her.
I need advice I don’t know what to do…
I have been dealing with depression since 8th grade. Ive been in college since 2008 working to get a bachelor’s. I’ve withdrawn from 9 semesters (8 for depression and 1 for another health-related matter). I am trying to becone an actuary currently. I cannot seem to catch a break.
I have tried many medications, ECT, and therapy. The newest medixation, Brintellix was working fine. However, in my third week of the semester, my depression just came back. I missed class 3/4 days last week. Every day I worked myself out of feeling bad, ending each day on a high. Still, I would wake up in the morning, (M, T, W, R) just feeling garbage. Friday evening, the depression kicked in again, and I worked through my homework still (at a 1/4 speed). Yesterday, Saturday, I started feeling down again, but I did do some homework again at a snail’s pace. Today, I just felt exhausted from it all. I have my first exam of the semester on Wednesday, for a pretty easy class. But I still do not know if I will be ready. I might wake up tomorrow, feel depressed, and not get everything I need to done. I might not too, but the other days I might. Everyday is wild card. How am I supposed to live this way?
I know we’re not supposed to think about the future, but I cannot see myself being able to hold down a job even after college.
It’s been awhile. Honestly I try to avoid this site whenever I start feeling better, because while this support group is really amazing and it’s the only place I can be honest and completely open up, it’s also depressing. But here I am again. I guess the thing about depression is that it gets better and it gets worse but it never really goes away.
Like most people here I have depression, but for about 4 years now I’ve been hiding it. I told my mom once and she said – ‘Do you even know what depression is?’ and then she dismissed it and never mentioned it again, now this probably makes her sound like a really horrible person, but she’s not, she loves me she just didn’t understand and didn’t handle the situation properly. The thing is that I want help, but I don’t know how to ask for it nor how to accept it.
I’ve been thinking about suicide again. I really, really hope this is just a temporary relapse and it will only last a few days and then I’ll be okay again but I doubt it is. My grades have been getting worse, I’ve been feeling down more and more and now honestly I could just end it. Death doesn’t scare me. But I’m not going to do it now, I’m not that depressed to actually go through with it. I’ve been that depressed before and this isn’t it.
I’ve been feeling down for a very long time and my life has been going downhill. My parents fight a lot and I’ve some problems with my friends at school + I’m obese which makes me feel bad whenever I decide to go out. My grades are also deteriorating. I need someone to talk to if you’re willing to hear me out here’s my kik hopefulmindset
have a nice day!
I hate this day completely.
Helping other people cope with their problems for ages but when it comes to me, they’re never there. I’m a happy person. No I’m not. I don’t know what I am but all I know is that I need help. I can’t go on when I’m this alone. I’ve been strong for too long and now I’m trapped. The happy girl during the day, but crying myself to sleep at night. I just need help… I’m sick of this. I want to go back to being helpful, but when I’m breaking I can’t even stop someone from feeling down? I only want to be happy again and stop feeling so bad about the suicidal person. But it’s hard. And it’s rubbing off onto me.
Anyone Who Saw My Post Last Night or If You Didn’t Stop and Read This Please if You are feeling suicidal
First off I want to say thank you for all the people or most of the people who could understand and took time to be with me last night. I felt good when I was close to leaving that you people really cared even though you don’t know me. So thank you for that. And for that one person who was rude and inconsiderate please don’t comment. But I am going to stay positive.
So as you all know I hit rock bottom last night and couldn’t do it anymore. And I couldn’t take living anymore. So I acted. Not like other times where I was close but waited and got a sign. No I just acted right away and did it. So I ended up taking a total of 12 to 14 concerta and they were 36 mg each. Well I cut them in half to make it work faster and also took them somewhat sporadic like few here and a few there. Well I left my house cuz I didn’t know what to do. So I drove through all over the country for like 2 hours talking on here to a few people to help me. At times I thought it was over and thought I was going to die. But I would just pull over and drink some water and feel better. Well when I felt well enough after a few long hours of driving. I just drove. And where I ended up was in the city the last time I was happy and with that special person. At this point I knew I wasn’t meant to die. I had not much signs of anything. I had taken well over the amount I should have and should be sleeping or something. So now I sat there and thought, wished the person I told everything to would have went behind my back weeks ago and told my family something I couldn’t tell them. So I sat there my parents texting saying hey we are home where are you. Then at that point I called my dad. At first I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say or do. I was scared to tell him how I really felt and what I wanted to do. So he was there for me and told me things that he has never told anyone and stuff and then I just let lose. I told him how I felt and everything and how many years I have been like this(7 to 8) and I am only 20. As soon as I told him all this he felt sorry he didn’t see the signs. He felt sorry that these past two weeks I hadn’t said something or did something cuz he had a gut feeling I felt like this and was close to giving up he just didn’t know what to say. I told him everything. I sat there and told him everything and talked to him for 4 and a half hours or more. I told him how I felt and done and thought and how many times. And he was there for me. He understood once I told him everything. So in the morning he is going to call the place where he goes and talks to people and what not and tell them my name and number. Then call me and I am going to set up a appointment so I can finally do this. I wish I would have shared how I felt years ago and never held everything in and let myself get this bad. I just couldn’t tell my parents. But today is a new day and brighter future.
So if you are reading this and you are thinking about taking your life just wait a minute. Reach out to someone in your family. They won’t judge you. They love you and truly do. I wish I would have done this sooner and that way I would haven’t done what I did last night. But I am happy I didn’t finish myself. And I wish I would have never done it but it’s the past and can’t change it but learn from out mistakes. And yes I don’t feel good right now really but I am still alive and breathing. But please think about doing this. Please everyone. When you are feeling down reach out to someone and just try. And I hope that person I hurt yesterday so bad where I can’t remember what I said to her will forgive me. And give me one more chance. Cuz I am truly turning my life around. I am and I want to be happy again. Like letting all this out and talking to my dad has helped a little not a lot but it’s a start and you have to start somewhere. And so to you all stay strong and I am still here and I am meant to be and so are you. There is a place on this earth even when there feels like there isn’t. And for that person if you read this. I hope you forgive me and I will love you forever no matter what. Sorry if I ramble a lot. Just want to get this out there to everyone and thank you everyone that helped me last night. Remember this if you are thinking about taking your life or someone helping you helped save me last night. Thank you everyone
i’m not mad at people. i’m not mad at the person who broke my heart. i’m not mad at my parents who were supposed to know that i’m not happy. i’m mad at God. it’s been two years that i’ve been feeling down. then you make me happy. very very happy. then suddenly, when i’m up there u crash me back down? i feel like an ant played by a 6 year old boy. ive prayed. LOTS OF TIMES. YOU NEVER LISTEN. so why should i pray still?????????
I have so much fucking homework and why is that? Because I procrastinate, I just don’t feel motivated at all to do my homework, I prefer to sleep or just do nothing. How stupid of me?? I should use my time better. when the due dates get close, I even hesitate to do it, I wait until the last very minute. and even then I have no motivation whatsoever.
I should be doing my homework right now, but I still got some time.
since I found this site I feel a little better because now I know for sure Im not the only one out there depressed with suicidal thoughts 24/7.
At this moment I am feeling down and instead of cutting myself I have come on here to stop the thoughts for just a moment. I just need to express my feeling and thoughts
I’m feeling so down. All I want to do is laying in my bed, sleeping, crying and cutting. I know I have to go to therapy every monday till friday from 9 am till 3 pm, but I really don’t want to do ANYTHING right now. I’m getting more scared and paranoid every day. Getting scared that someone is following me, or wants to steal my bag or purse. That kind of stupid things. I want to evade them, so I stay inside as much as possible. But the only thing I really want besides wanting to die, is just laying in my bed, sleeping, crying and cutting. That’s all that I want at this moment, because I’m too depressed and too down to do something else. I know I have to go to therapy because it will help me, but I would rather not go.