I don’t quite understand why it feels so much easier to write about my problems then to say them out loud I suppose it’s like my thoughts are my own little secret I mean that’s what your mind is for right? A space where you can detach yourself from reality if only for a few moments and go somewhere.. be it a memory or completely make up.. But no amount of day dreaming will save me from myself, Let me start off by saying I am now 19 years old to be 20 in August and have suffered from clinical depression for 4 years, I […]
Tag:
Few Moments
I act on stage. I’m not that great, and the productions are small & forgettable, but to me each performance means the world. I guess it’s because it’s one of the rare times I get to step out of my miserable existence and pretend I’m someone else. And the audience, however small, validates this “character” I’m pretending to be. After the show I hurry home and resume being my real wretched self, playing to an audience of 0.
I’m sick of it. Sick of living for just those few moments on stage when I’m pretending to be something else, then having to spend days alone with […]
I dislike clogging up this site with threads like this, but I didn’t really have any other way to contact you. I was wondering if you’d email me briefly? I have a couple questions I’d like to ask you. No significant emotional or time commitment is necessary, I just wanted to clarify something you said. I would really appreciate it.
I am so much luckier than the rest of you. Though my suffering is constant and agonizing
mentally, and stabbing aching physically- I am easily distracted. I have not been through the horrors you have, and I haven’t 10minutes of downtime in my day. I can lose focus, breath unrestricted for a few moments each day. I am only slightly suicidal. I have yet to cut myself. This is because I am shallow and I have a reputation to uphold- to my family, my classmates, my teachers, my coworkers, officials I need to impress…..
I am so much luckier than the rest of you. And for […]
Don’t ask why I’m posting this, I’m bot persuading you not to do it. I’m showing you the only reason I’m alive.
Ok…here we go…:
You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready To give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and re-written over ad over again…you take out those razor blades,and cut for the last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time.
[…]
Today I picked up a knife and stroked the edge of it. It cut a small line into my fingertip. I asked myself why did you just do that? I didn’t know. I’m not usually suicidal and I definitely do not want to be. My cousin took his own life and it wrecked my family, hurting everyone and separating his mother and father. I guess the reason why was because the past weeks have been rough. Family life is hard because there are few moments of peace and quiet. Everyone is so angry at one another and they yell at me. In school I struggled. […]
Hello everyone.
My name is Belle. I have never been on here before but I’ve been observing Miss Kyu for a while and I decided  why not try it out just for the hell out of it? Seems fun enough. I am miss kyu’s darker and more hated side. She hates me. Haha. But she has no choice but to want and need me. Where else will she push all her regrets and negative emotions? Today is her birthday, she hates her birthday. So it’s a day where she runs away and lets me out for some fresh air. All day, both of us have been […]
In a fleeting glance I look normal. I have two great kids under 7. I volunteer at school, teach a after school art class, president of PTA. I cook wholesome and tasty meals, bread and cookies to die for. My husband is a physics professor and we have been married 10 years.
I scrapbook, write, read and jog/bike. I meditate and do yoga. Until three months ago I also worked 3 jobs, most at night when kids were asleep or at school so I could be home with the kids. I did play dates, taught my children French and sign language.
Then one night I […]
I rememeber growing up, I knew (or thought I did) that I would never attempt to kill myself or even think about the thought of doing that. It’s crazy how that all changed.
I had been depressed for about two months when I watched Lana Del Rey’s “Summertime Sadness” video. It spoke to me so much, and made me realize how broken I was. I rememeber watching both her and the other girl jump off from a cliff and building, and that was the first time I thought about suicide …
IÂ thought, how wonderful it would feel to be falling and feeling so free in those few moments. Free from all […]
Instead of trying to achive something I rather smoke weed and not think about anything. I dont even know what I’m afraid of. People. I’m pathetic.
I told myself I would work since I have about 1000 euro in Debt. Instead I’m just sitting here, numb. Not wanting to do anything. Im fucking pathetic.
I was supposed to start my new job next week. I called and emailed them. No response. Im guessing they dont want me anymore. Must be because I’m ugly as fuck.
I feel betrayed by someone I miss deeply. I hate it when people dissapear, without any clue. Id rather have someone telling […]
I would like a few moments of your time to further attempt to explain my views and concepts. While the views and concepts are my own, many are heavily based on others teachings and practices. There are however, some points that make them very unique.  I believe in the big bang. I believe that everything came into existence with a monumental explosion. I believe that we are nothing more than remnants of that explosion. Alan Watts put it best by comparing the concept to throwing a bottle of black ink at a white canvas on the wall in “The Nature Of Consciousness” The […]
the Suicide
Death dwells in the shadow just at your shoulder. You invited it in, you dined with it, you bathed with it, you lay with death.
Consumed by and consuming, death becomes both a path and a destination for you.
You write a final letter, a final note, and gulp down a bottle of pills, hoping it will all be over soon…
And then…
You wait…
But not long for as you soon take you final step…
You call for help.
But wait, this makes no sense?
Why would you wish for death, plan for death, and attempt to kill yourself only to give up and try to save yourself in […]
The thought and feelings crept back in. I was depressed and suicidal before, but got through it. I learned to live and be happy. I mean, I thought I was happy. I never really know how I feel. It seems that I see how I should feel rather than having feelings. It’s all a mask to cover up the gaping void within me. I’m an empty vessel. I function within the world as anyone would, but I am no one. And I don’t mean I want to be appreciated because people make me feel like no one. Just, I’m inside my brain, and I can […]
OK, so I’ve decided to start posting some of my writing. I’m going to try to post something every night. I think it might help me to share it, and maybe it might help some other people here in their journeys. At least, I hope it will.
What I’m posting tonight is the poem I get my username from. I figured that was a good place to start. I know it doesn’t rhyme, so it doesn’t count as real poetry or anything. I wrote this a few months ago.
ANY AND ALL FEEDBACK IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED! (Also, any suggestions for a title?)
These subtle bloodstains
Soak the whiteness to […]
Depression is every where all around me ever since i moved away from my family seven years ago ive never been the same.
last year on the 28th of september something happened that changed me forever.. i flew down for my birthday that week to visit my dad and his new girlfriend. But you see me and his girlfriend got off to a terrible start due to the fact she’d never met me and was telling me i needed to go on medication when she didnt even know anything about me or my life.. Dad explained to me that she herself suffered from depression on was […]
It is truly hard to say.
But today has become the day.
Swearing to be more.
All to hear your every adore..
I do not want to be adored..
I’d much rather be ignored.
My hate envelopes me.
My blood it falls for only thee.
I once said I’d die without you.
But I never asked what you would do.
Ive sharpened my knife and said my good word.
Though it may never be heard.
Hardly can one accept my means to an end but..
It’s so much easier to bleed by the cut.
I once screamed to your face and begged for your love.
If there is some positive takeaway I can give to others before I go it is this:
There is far, far too much hurt in this world. Averting your eyes, looking away, looking down, trying to ignore another human being in pain is weak. Being jaded, cold, unfeeling or taking a hard line with someone who is in pain is cowardice.
Every single day, we are confronted with people suffering whether it be sorrow from a break-up or death of a loved one or being in a place where you go hungry and are cold at night, it’s everywhere. This world, life, it’s a ************. It isn’t […]