Last night… Well, last night I almost did it. I almost killed myself. The pain was at its peak. I’m on medication for depression, but I don’t think its working. If anything, it’s making me worse. My note was half finished, the pills and bleach beside me, blade in hand; when a friend called me. Stupidly I answered the call, despite the state I was in. As soon as I spoke, he told me to tell him what was wrong. And that made me bawl. He is the first person who has asked me what’s wrong even when I’d said nothing. And, even as I lied […]
I wrote a post on here earlier this week saying should I tell the people who bullied me how I wasn’t going to do it but after talking with a friend of mine she gave me a valid point and said: i think this is a really good idea you have to speak out b/c a lot of people whose being bullied or bullied don’t really speak out and they hide their feelings inside and no one really know the whole truth and if you do it at least you did something to prevent this from happening to other people and that this took courage. I did […]
well i was in my first fight on tuesday with a girl named Doris i gave her 2 black eyes she gave me a scratch according to every1 i lost every1 hates me honestly i just want to go sit on the edge of a building :/ i lost my bestfriend becuz of the fight i lost my Girlfriend bcuz i told her dating a girl and a boy at the same time is concitered cheating she disagreed everyone hates me and usually the first person i call when i feel suicidal is my EX-bestfriend Jinn but i cant do that anymore i honestly……………. i […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything that could possibly go wrong in my life has to this point. In high school I never had a problem with friends or anything else. I was pretty popular and good at sports. It has done nothing but go down hill since then. I got arrested for a DUI last fall. That was extremely embarrassing and living in a town with 300 people in it only made it worse. I feel like I brought shame to my family. After that I dropped out of school because I kept failing classes. Now I have no money and no […]
I have an important assignment for school, that I NEED to do today, it’s already like a week late, and it basically determines if I graduate from high school. But I can’t work on it. My mind is reeling, it’s not ordered, it’s not focused, its all over the place. I NEED to do this assignment but I can’t. I just keep thinking about all my fuckups. I keep remembering the last time I was happy, and I want to go back there. I want to but I can’t it’s in the past and I can’t get it back. I’ve been so unhappy for so […]
This ones for Vikki.
My only true friend. Through thick and through thin.
The first person I told.
This ones for Austin.
My boyfriend. I love him because he broke down my walls.
The one who taught me how to love again.
And this is for Jason.
My youth pastor. Because he saw through me.
He saved my life.
I am determined not to cut. I will not.
I like to hold my neice
I like to kiss her as much as i can ^_^
I like to hold her hand
only she recieves this great amount of love from me!
why is she different?
Why can I love her so much!?
She LOVES me!
Love is all I need!
I love this baby so much!
the best 4 year old ever!
She is my world!
she is my everything!
I cant imaging a world without her!
she keeps me alive!
WHat about her, is making this all possible~?
MY neice!
she gets excited when I come home!
The first person she wants to see is ME!
She likes to ONLY sleep in MY room!
what has caused such a STRONG BOND!?
Im […]
ive always been a daddys girl, growing up i always wanted to be with him! every field trip, every camping trip, my dad was the first person i ran to.. my mom and dad split when i was in 5th grade and things started to change.. i saw my dad cry for the first time, i have never seen him so mad. my dad started drinking and became more agressive.. i eventually came out to my parents and my dad didnt mind at all my mom at first was uneasy with it then she came around.. reacently i lost my girlfiend in a car accident, […]
5 Years ago today is when I tried to ctb. I was 16.
The events around it that triggered it, I admit, were bullshit but my reasoning behind it was not.
I got home from school. the bullshit that happened was that I thought I lost a friend, someone I loved, due to some stupid shit that happened that I thought was my fault. I blamed myself for everything back then. That’s what triggered it. My reason behind wanting to die is that I saw myself as a worthless person who could never do anything right and would never amount to anything in life. I […]
I’ve been a cutter since I was 11 or 12.. since before I knew why I liked it, or that other people in the world did it.
It may be a dangerous addiction, but I argue that it isn’t worse than drugs or alcohol or smoking.
I basically live in long sleeves and pants, but in ten years, I’ve slipped up and had some scars spotted by friends, family, co-workers.
I find some morbid fascination in people’s reactions and wondered what kind of reactions other people on here have received.
These days, I only keep close friends who understand my issues, but when I was a kid, […]
the first person I told about my suicidal thoughts/actions acted like he really cared. He made me tell my parents. He never asks me about it anymore. I feel like the only reason he wanted them to know was so he didn’t have to deal with me anymore. Which is totally understandable because i am areally hard person to handle. I still and always will feel really bad about telling him because I just threw him into a situation I’m sure he had no interest being in and he really dust have a choice but to help. I just wish he honestly cared.
I was right about you all along.
When I thought someone finally cared about me, when I opened up & didn’t leave me, you left. You don’t even realise it either. I needed you. & you weren’t there. You were the first person I’ve ever opened up my dark, dark self to. I just want to cry out, do you realising what you’re doing to me. Do you realise the mess I am, desperate for help screaming at you, standing right in front of you?
You’re just like everyone else , you don’t care ; you’re just curious .
Maybe in heaven, there will be understanding.
Understanding of the motives of each and everyone.
Understanding why they feel the way they feel.
Maybe it will be more than understanding, maybe you will get a first person glimpse of what it is like to be someone else.
Connecting of each other to form a peaceful, heavenly bond.
Madness, disappointment, RAGE, hatred, disgust, FEAR, sadness, grief, humiliation, shyness, cowardliness, regret, sorrow, loneliness, Physical pain, emotional pain, stress, turmoil, suffering, HOPELESSNESS, nonsense, will be overcame.
Maybe in heaven, things will all make sense. It will all PUZZLE together.
Why there is pain.
Pain adds character. Pain breeds experience, wisdom, knowledge, meaning, bravery and resilience.
Pain makes […]
Hello Everyone,
I’m the producer of a new mini-documentary series exploring philosophical, ethical, spiritual or existential issues facing people today. The installments look at these issues from social, scientific and spiritual perspectives and are intended to be thought provoking, reassuring and inspirational. Representative topics include: Can one person make a difference in the world? Is there an upside to adversity? How can we deal with grief and loss in a positive way? For each of the topics we will be turning to a variety of sources – educators, scientists, psychologists, behaviorists and theologians – as we sort out the complexity of the questions and the possible […]
I HATE THIS. I feel so many things, and at the same time I feel nothing. I spend part of my day believing that everything will turn out alright, and I spend the other part wondering how I can even fathom waking up tomorrow. I’ve managed to turn my life upside down (feel free to have a look at previous posts for something of an explanation, if you really care). I’ve hurt one of the people I love and need most. Not that she knows how much I need her in my life. She said I keep too much to myself, that I’m too secretive. […]