In 1993 I committed suicide. It came after years of attempts, and it came not from a long, considered planning process but by sheer circumstance. Looking for one thing I found another. A precursor of sorts. Combined with something else at hand the deed was done. Just before losing consciousness the phone rang. Not knowing I was about to pass out I answered the phone. Then I passed out. When I woke up in an ICU the next day I was angry. So angry that I ripped out the IVs and stalked out of the unit with a gaggle of nurses trailing behind me. I […]
I cannot go five minutes without thinking about commiting suicide. Â I dont know what to do. Â Have started on medications and counselling, but it only seems to be getting worse. Â I am so lonely where i live, but my parents are dependent on me and hence cannot die.
I am not in a prison, yet i feel like i am solitary confinement most of the time. Â I go to office every week day, gym almost every day. Â Yet, when I return to my lonely house, I feel like i am getting locked up in a prison.
I just need someone to talk to without them judging […]
Hello im waste2304
I honestly don t know why im ganna air all this out here but i guess i hope i can help someone else see it the way i do today i signed up for this site because i need someone…anyone to listen to me i mean im going so crazy and i just need somebody who wont judge me to please just listen to me….every since i was 13 ive attempted to hurt myself a multitude of times…it made all the pain just go away…the depression was killing me and still does till this day…and people say they understand but they truly will […]
I made an earlier post. You can click it here: http://suicideproject.org/2013/06/200363/
In there, it sounded like everything was great in my life and in my past. I think I should shed some light on that. Everything started when I was five years old.
My grandmother was a terrible woman and I was her latest punching bag. She had done this to my father and was now doing it to me. She would hit me, humiliate me, insult me, and other things as well.
I remember her always calling me trailer trash, no matter what I did or wore. Sometimes, I wasn’t allowed to finish a whole […]
I’m a survivor.
A few people in this world, supported a few med pros who taught me how to survive. Last wweek I wanted a dr to put a bullet through my head, over something stupid. I was having a hard time getting through some proocedures. So the dr had to spend an extra five minutes which seemed eternal for me, making certain that I wouldn’t go home and die. A family member, one of about five or six who I trust and stuff the rest of ’em, was understanding, but also disagreed with me at the same time. At least she cared and wanted to […]
for a very very long time i have felt distanced from my family from people from life. i mean eight grade was the darkest time of my life… i faked my way out of a suicide/depression test so i could get out of therapy convinced i didnt have a problem i would never do anything its all words and words dont mean anything. but words mean alot and words can hurt a lot. for as long as i cna remember i have been pushed away by my parents. they have no love for me. i have two younger sisters who absorb all their attention and […]
I know that Trevor isn’t worth it. But he is.. I know something about him. Something that hardly anyone else knows. He has problems at home.. And it makes me so furious at his parents for treating him like they do. See, the thing is, I don’t think he said all that shit that Emily said he did. He’s been staring at me all day, then turning away, blushing. I put my hands on my hips once when he looked at me, though… I don’t care if he’s mad at me, though. He can deal with it. And if he did say all that stuff, […]
In the last week or two, I have been taken to the hospital for breaking down in class and revealing my suicide plan to the guidance councillor. I could say that I was surprised, but I wasn’t. The moment I said, “the fact of the matter is that I am suicidal,” I knew I was screwed. So, my parents were notified and I was shown the doors of the ER. However, I was able to avoid admittance, if only barely, by bravely lying my way out. On the exact same day I planned to kill myself, I smiled, laughed, and maintained my composure. So it’s only […]
I can’t believe it.
I’ve survived this long.
I’ve waited all day.
Practicallly gave up on him showing up today. But not even five minutes in of slipping into my bed to sleep, I get a text.
“Hey you,” it says, “Get on.” It’s from a restricted number. I don’t know who it is but I decide to get on anyways. I type in the password to my laptop. The fan is on low and the lights are off. It’s a common bedtime setting for me. Something to listen to so I don’t get paranoid of every little bump in the night. And the blanket to help me dream […]
I don’t understand how I’m still alive. I honestly don’t. My last attempt wasn’t my first, it was my 16th, and I’m still not sure that it will be my last.
I would say I’m lost, but that would imply that I’m actually going somewhere; I’m not. I’m in this rut and I wish I knew how I got here, but I think it’s one of those things that creeps up on you.
So, seven weeks ago I jumped in front of a tube train. It wasn’t planned, I think I decided in about five minutes. I had previously thought about it, and I’ve been really close […]
IÂ sit there in the cafeteria
He sits on the floor he’s talking i cant hear him, my visions bluring black around the edges
I’m brought back because of an intense pain from my hand, my ex boyfriend yet again had bit me, i know he just flirting… that he’s only using me..
I smile laughing telling him it doesnt hurt, he doesnt realise he saved me from another embaressing seizure, he smiles biting my harder i ignore it typing on the computer with my left hand as i try to complete a school project. He lets go and we sit their for a while. I feel him bite […]
I’m 12. Freaking 12. And I have a suicide note written.
When I was 11, I fell into a depression. I wasn’t quite sure why, I guess my parents pissed me off too much. I couldn’t go a day without crying. Sure, call me a crybaby.
It was too much stress. I had projects due, tests upcoming, essays my dad forced me to write. I hyperventilated at least five times.
One day, I was printing out another essay when my dad was yelling at me in the other room. I looked down and saw the printer cord…and then suicide popped into my mind. Why not?
I wrapped the cord around my […]
I’ve never really shared before, or at least not like this, but I think it maybe time. I cannot look back on my life and think of a time when I was truly happy. I remember as a child wishing God would “take me home with him” I didn’t know why, but I felt that way all the time. I feel like the worst person on the planet, I should be grateful for what I do have. I know there are plenty of people worse off than I am, but for some reason I cannot shake the feeling I’ve had for all of my life. […]
i thought the term go away was a pretty clear statement… obviously not because it took my brother five minutes to get the message that i wanted him to leave, and the whole time i kept telling him to go away, that he actually needed to go away. so i was mad, sad and having a panic attack all at the same time. i still can’t calm down, but i don’t want to punch someone else but myself anymore.
Baby sister has been crying for the past hour, every time something happens, she cries. She’s the shrieking kind of crying, makes me wanna kill that piece of shit. Too bad I have “no balls”, nor to kill myself. So i hope I’m destined to do something. I have been angry for the past 3 days, ever since my little “date” with my cousin jasmine was canceled because her mom has no money.Â
I’m incredibly angry, stepdad brings the baby into the living room so it could cry in my fucking ear as I play video games (not intentionally) and I sit here holding my emotions […]
I remember the first time I actually thought about suicide. I was doing the dishes, and I broke a coffee pot. The only damn coffee pot. I was so sick of everything, of doing every fucking thing wrong, I just started screaming. And then that’s when I heard my mother’s voice. She said, “The knife’s in the drawer. Cut off your singer and you’ll be dead in five minutes. I walked over to the drawer, pulled out the knife, and pressed it to my finger, then my wrist. Hard. Until I winced and pulled it back. I spent the rest of the day sobbing under […]
My name is Pete. Everyday I think about that day. I was reminded again today as I watched the news of Junior Seau. I pray for his family and his children. I had a difficult childhood especially high school. Little did I know that once high school is over a whole new life begins. No more harrassment no more bullying. I have read many posts on this site and I decided to write today!!!
On May 20, 2009, I got a phone call from my dad. He informed me that something was not right! It was a weird phone call because my dad nevers calls me. […]
i did not die, which I assume a few of you thought since I never ended up getting back on this site until now. Â I was deceived and betrayed.
To make a long story short, I called jackie’s house, she told me she wanted to be best friends with me and that she truly cared about me. Â My parents and jackie’s parents both told me that nothing bad was going to happen, that everything was going to get fixed, that me and jackie would get to be friends again. Â They said the police would not be waiting for me, that I was not going to be […]
The new me… thats what im hearing from everyone. Thats what i see when i look in the mirror. I have been depressed for the past 5 to 6 months… yes its taken that long for them to give a crap. My gp wants to put me on anti depressants. Go figure. I hate all these people that think they are so helpful and supportive. Youre not me… you never will be so please leave me alone. You have NO idea what im going through or what it feels like so LEAVE ME ALONE! Stop pretending to understand and care coz lets face it … […]
FYI – you have to do it for more than five minutes
try it … but commit to it like you have when you criticized yourself. Like anything that is worth while, it takes time, practice and patience but most of all it takes commitment.
positive dawg
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