(I) IS THE EGO MAKER the false self (i am just is) to write what 1 thinks dont matter anymore bcuz 1 knows it is in the being the silence of nothing that i find myself as free immortal love primordial energy although i have chosen to loose myself and be a trolling bstad to survive i get angry and frustrated from that bliss i used to be my heart broke this is what causes me to want to suicide and i am very capable as i have done it b4 and was saved i live for other 1s there attachment and love to me […]
Friends And Family
To anyone, and everyone, who doesn’t know me I am no one special. Â I have suffered little external abuse, but I have damaged myself extensively. Â I feel awful for having put my friends and family through so much to leave them with so little. Â I survived, yet my letters did not. Â Am i wasting oxygen? Â I believe all human beings are capable of greatness ad that all human beings can create miracles. Â The only wall that stop us are the ones we built. Â All persons are capable of changing the world and all persons are deserving of love. Â You are important; you are incredible; you […]
She is alone, nothing but alone in the dark folds of her mind. They consume her soul and dance in the wreckage of her heart, talking to her at night, convincing her to cut again until the blade slowly edges to her wrist, nick it a little, only a little don’t want to start a riot in your family and get slapped by the ones you thought loved you.
Disappear into your dreams my sweet little girl, watch the dream like a movie as you slit your wrists and watch the blood flow and plunge to the floor, smile and wave in the mirror as though […]
i have always been depressed, always have had more bad days than good. for a long time i though if i could change something, just get away. things would be better elsewhere. ive now been to 9 states and 5 countries and can never escape the sadness. the only thing stopping me from ending it now is the love of friends and family. now i feel i must run away, not to feel better but to Â get far enough away where i can be free enough to do what i need to be truly happy. to die
So my depression started when i was bullied severely in middle school and summer camp, people really don’t know how much this messes up a person. I became introverted and started thinking of my own death constantly at a young age , to the people that say it gets better i just have to laugh. Because now that I am older I found out that I am diagnosed with schizophrenia, and not to mention I am a 30 year old unsuccessful virgin that also has erectile dysfunction. It seems that God is just laughing at me just like the builles did when I was a […]
Last night, I had a bittersweet dream…….. I wasn’t depressed and I was with my friends and family and we were having a good time. I cant remember all the details just little bits and pieces. I remember me and my old best friend were Â at the beach with two girls laughing, having fun, happy, smiling, and enjoying the time. when I awoke this morning and realized I was still here and that I had been dreaming it felt like I had been punched in the heart. To come back to reality and realize none of those things happened is devastating. I wish I could […]
So I made quite a long post earlier “tl;dr” and since then Ive been reading through some posts and Ive realised I need to ask for help. Ive studied a bit of psychology and im sure im a manic depressive with social anxiety and mild eating disorders. I need to and want to ask for help but I dont know who or where to turn. Im reluctant to go to friends and family as I dont want them to see me differently, I wear a great mask have for years, they dont suspect much I dont think and I swear to god the slightest bit […]
Hey, Im kind of new to this so probably wont explain myself very well. This is actually the first time Ive ever talked about this to anyone if this even counts. Anyways im not sure how I even ended up here I feel like im wasting who ever reads this’ time. I dont want pity I used to do a bit of counseling as a youth worker so I know all the lines like “life is potential death is that potential gone”, I know how to help others I just cant help myself. I dont want pity or sympathy just a logical reason and some […]
I just can’t do this anymore. My “life” is nothing but pain after pain. Please give me physical pain. Anything but this burtal self pity/ emotional bull crap i’m feeling right now! I hate this. I hate myself for feeling this!
I have come to a point where i just don’t know what’s left for me anymore. I’ve experienced things, that humans want to. I’ve loved Â both mentally and physically and i’ve been brought up in one of the world’s greatest and most beautiful cities but … Why do i still feel like this? There’s only one conclusion and that is; i’m fucking selfish as hell!
Where do I begin………..
Well my mom gave birth to me when she was about 18 or 19. From what she tells me my real dad is a low life dick(excuse my language). Anyways I resently got in contact with him. Things where going great in my life. I had straight A’s, I was very popular, very pretty, guys would fight over me,…….until my 8th grade year. The 1st day back to school was OK, after that everything turned to shit. I started to realize who my true friends were, and that school was the most important thing in my life. In the middle of the […]
” Have you ever just laid in your bed and cried? Because you think you’re ugly, because you’re not good enough for anyone. You’ve counted your flaws from head to toe, making yourself feel worse. Cried because of all the comments that people blurt out actually hurt? Cried because your family is dysfunctional and never understands you. They tell you to stop complaining . That you have it so much better than the kids in Africa, even though they don’t understand your life either. You don’t want to feel like an attention seeker, so you bottle everything up? Around friends and family, you’ve created this […]
I am speaking directly to people that suffer from severe depression and social anxiety. Â To people that know that they have been diagnosed with severe depression or social anxiety; please know that there are people out there just like you. Â Just like me. Â For five years I have been suffering from severe depression. Â I was diagnosed when I was 15 years old. Â Everyday is a struggle for me whether it is visible to the people around me or not. Â I don’t have anyone left to turn to. Â All of the people that are in my close circle of friends and family just ignore my call. […]
just turned 19 ive already am off to a bad start lost my only friend and the weird part is I DONT EVEN CARE. i have no current desire to patch our friendship up. I guess its because then ill have one less thing to worry about, to act
happy with, to feel judged around and to avoid certain sensitive topics with like what ive been up to. which has been shit all. No job no school, few interesting feats and gossip. i am house bound ii am pathetic and lazy. i stay up all nite searching for the answers and […]
May I as how do most of you find away to wake up in the Morring?
So of you are older then me and a want of death do not happen over nigth why do you stay awake and walk with friends and family … Why havent you withdrawn from the world yet or kill your self yet?
Why do you come on web sites lie this when you know what te out come will be?
Any awnser will be good… Personally I have ran out of ideas from keeping my eyes from crying and my breathing to stay stable….all my ideas and tricks that used […]
For the past three months I’ve been a recluse. I was in college, excited about life, happy, and i was in control of my depression. Now I’m too depressed to continue school, scared of the future, want no future, and I just don’t have the will to live. I don’t want to continue life. I’ve been suffering and I’ve tried to manage my depression with medication, therapy, and alternative treatments. I’m honestly willing to electrocute myself to cure my suffering. I spend my days at home playing with my dogs and watching tv. My therapist and psychiatrist are pushing me to get back into the […]
Every night I have to convince myself not to do something drastic.
I have to look at myself in the mirror, and I have to lecture myself for so long just to tell myself not to cut, not to think terrible thoughts, not to attempt suicide, not to cry, not to do anything that harms myself.
I think I’m losing myself.
I’m not feeling as how I used to.
I can’t stay happy. I fake a smile when I’m in school.
But I don’t talk. People talk to me, and I nod as a sign that I’m listening. I’m done with talking.
I don’t know if I’m […]
I stumbled upon the Project while looking for ways to make the End look like it wasn’t planned. Â It’s only made me more sad to see that there are so many people that feel similar to me. Â It’s beautiful though, to see so many likeminded folks listening, and offering support to those that can’t find it in the real world. Â I’m thankful the trolls haven’t embedded themselves yet.
I’m 30 in June, which makes me old in my mind. Â My 20’s have come and gone, leaving only confusion, amazement, and disappointment. Â I’m more successful now than I once thought I would be, but nowhere near where […]
Do me a favor. Right now, wherever you are, get up, look in a mirror, a windowÂ reflection, even a spoon would work! Just take a look at yourself. I don’t care if you’re about to drop from the rope, ready to fall asleep after you downed hundreds of whatever pill, or if you’re just sitting in bed silently killing yourself. Get up, look at yourself and smile. Ask yourself, do you remember them? Do you remember happy? Sometimes, I don’t. Sometimes, I look at the stranger staring back at me and say “How do you know me?”
Tonight, I didn’t know the stranger. But the stranger […]
I had a pretty good weekend and im staring to fell better. But the problem is everywhere I turn my past comes back to haunt me. Everyone around me is doin drugs and drinking, im finally trying to get clean but its hard. But ill keep soldiering on. I watched a documentry about suicide tonight and I dont think I could put my friends and familyÂ throughÂ that hurt. Though I might be in a better place the people I leave behind will have to deal with that grief for the rest of there life. Im so young I have a lifetime to live, I realized this […]
I have been talking to a few close friends about this but not yet written it down, this site is a great idea, ive just joined and im looking forward to reading more-its somewhat refreshing to not only know others out there are feeling like ending their life but that interaction is also possible- which is important.
Im a mature student in my finial year of uni, i dont really drink or do drugs anymore, its taken me 8 years to get to this point as my teeneage years and general social circles are all based on booze.drinking was making me miserable, so i stopped or […]