I am really so sick of living already, people are so mean to each other and forget about what they really are. We are organic matter. We are animals who developped enough, over centuries, their frontal lobe so that we can think. That is all, really. Why bother with HAVING to work, HAVING to be beautiful, HAVING money, HAVING power…. can’t we just embrace life? This universe will go to waste anyways, so why learn at school? The fact that I know how to spell words in a language we use, what’s that giving me as a creature, a living thing that really only needs […]
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Frontal Lobe
My Name is Markus Jolley, also I go by MJ. I have tried at least 12 attempts of suicide, all failing, and now all I have is myself. I have no family, and I live in a group home for troubled or stranded youth. When I did have a family, I developed differently than any other kid my age. The Tests for mental instability or disorders started when I was 5. I went through medical tests over and over, until an MRI was ordered on my brain. It turned out that I had Frontal Lobe Gliosis which looks like this. http://www.ajnr.org/content/24/2/218/F3.large.jpg
This Problem explained my functioning […]
Voices..
I hear them, talking, bitching, jeering.. They are trying to make me do some bad shit.. Kill her..she deserves to die.. No she hasn’t done anything… Yet. They make me cut.. Deeper, deeper.. Let it rain you coward.. I cannot complain of being alone.. I’m never alone.. They don’t let me be alone.. Ever. Your ugly, your fat, you emo, you *****, your worthless, not good enough.. You will never be up to your mothers..”Standard”… So you cut, cut the pain away, watch it bleed out of you…
Darkness..
I can feel them.. All of them.. Their thoughts.. Their voices whisper in my ears.. I […]
not sure why i’m writing/posting this except that i so crave someone to talk to. this will have to do.
i just can’t see how things are going to get better. ever. i’ve made such a mess of things. i feel like i am holding everyone around me back. like i am the one stopping my kids from having access to a good life. i am such a complete loser, unable to function most of the time. i can’t provide for my family and we are now in dreadful poverty. if i were to die everyone around me would be better off. materially, there is no […]