I guess the temptation is to just say fuck it, and paint my brains all over the walls. My last act would be clicking back the hammer, like cracking open the most refreshing can of soda ever. But I guess for now I’ll have to settle for blasting some music in my headphones. It’s like sipping on lemonade because you’re literally on fire. Kudos
My 3 year old niece drew this for me yesterday. Caption it I have no idea what the fuck it is. Or what to even call it
So my escape plan is currently in action I can slowly feel myself becoming happier my consciousness is slowly fading so thought fuck it anyone wanna chat? >.<
-Suicide
I’ve tried and tried and tried and nothing ever seems to get better. The universe is conspiring against me.
Fuck it. I’m too tired to play this game anymore. I’m out.
I’m laying in bed on the verge of saying fuck it and shutting it all down. The hardest part is actually finding the perfect method.. At this point im completely calm and collected, I just want it to be as painless as possible. I’ve actually died once before for a few seconds. And remained in intensive care and on suicide watch after attempting an overdose. But from past experiences, over dose hasn’t actually worked. Sadly its my go to method, mostly because I either dont have resources for other methods, or it seems too painful. I just want to go as peacfully as I can.
So I just got my first job and I don’t know. I want to be happy about it but I feel like I’m just going to fuck it up bad. I feel like I’m going to do or say something stupid and everyone is going to remember it and I’m terrified I’ll be humiliated and I just want to cry even thinking about starting my first shift is making me want to burst in tears I don’t know if it’s just jitters or what but I feel like I’m going to simultaneously vomit and cry I don’t know what to do. I’m panicing so bad […]
I don’t know what I am going to write. I am very acutely aware of everything that happens in me. That’s my property, that’s my specialty. What I am incapable of is- changing it. Life is hell for person who knows he is a hypocrite. The loops and spirals this reflecting produces. An endless blame game. Yeah, I did it. I left this goddamned city one morning and went to the place from where Himalayas start. There they were, vast, majestic. Fuck it’s too embarrassing to even tell what happened next. I came back. Yes, I FUCKING CAME BACK. The loneliness that dawned to me, […]
My father keeps a revolver in his top dresser drawer along with bullets for it. It’s a .357 magnum and I don’t if this is a high enough caliber to kill me if I shoot myself with it. I know sometimes with lower caliber guns they don’t kill you, or they take some time to kill you. I don’t want to fuck it up and end up with brain damage or be paralyzed forever or something like that. So I was wondering if this is a high enough caliber gun to kill me?
Todays theme has been 7. Been seeing it everywhere and this update is number 7. How synchronistic.
http://youtu.be/HLyllO4GFVM
Today I want to tell you to dream big guys. If you feel hopeless and dead inside. The key is to pump our faith and hope for a better tomorrow. I know for me when I’m distraught like I was the night with TPHG later into the evening. He encouraged and bolstered my faith by having yet another great conversation. If you have a dream already: make it bigger. If your dreams are dead: be resurrected. If you’re scared to move forward: fuck it. Feel the fear […]
My new fave song by X Ambassadors. Unsteady. Fuck it. Have a listen.
http://youtu.be/0KaZshKQvuc
This is not what i had expected. fuck it, fuck it. everything is ugly from the inside. I thought after getting a job many things will be fulfilled, i will take my revenge, become independent and move out and live on my own. But… nothing comes free. Everything comes with its own conditions and effects. eh, it changes you. Fuck, this is not what i had expected. nothing is fulfilled and everything is gone.
I hate my job. And it really has nothing to do with work pressure or office culture. I don’t know what I hate. But i’m hating it. I dread going to it. […]
I guess I could keep trying to be poetic but fuck it
I just want someone to save me really
Dont be weak, be strong. Don’t worry about things out of your own control. Don’t let other peoples actions effect you. Be the one in control. Why does any of it matter anyways? Just say fuck it and do what makes you happy.
Don’t you hate it when you’re so certain you want to go, and you meet someone new and they fuck it up?
Someone new and interesting who actually wants to get to know you.
I want to leave but I want to speak to you more.
So confused.
I have been feeling severely depressed for the last week & a half. I think it’s a combination of things…been keeping a secret about getting back together w/ my on again off again boyfriend. Finally came out to my friends about it. They all hate him because of what he has done to me in the past. Severe betrayal that I won’t go into. One of my best friends is no longer talking to me. My other good friends dad recently died. He was like a second father to me growing up. That’s been tough. She didn’t even call me. Then I had my birthday […]
I’m fucking tired. So tired. Sick of the daily struggle.
Everyday, relentless. It just Dosnt end.
Sitting here, loaded shot gun. I can make it all end. Fuck it why not.
One decent reason I don’t wanna go alone.I fucking hate the lot of you. Every ****. I should take you all with me.
Stuck at a job I hate, get no respect.
The women I love. Toying with me. She asked me if I was gay today. Fuck me.
How did life get so fucked. How did I end up here.
Fuck it, burn in he’ll you pack of miserable cunts.
I’ll meet you there.
I found my soulmate the love of my life we’re getting married next spring. But my anxiety depression psycosis and other things make me want to gravitate toward the drugs I promised I’d never take I’ve done half of all the ones I know of weed crank coke etc. I’m thinking about going back to cutting at least that’s what I think is best for me you know? My thoughts about my self have gone to the worst point they’ve been on in a while. My Ed has came back taken control of me I just wanna say fuck it but for my love I […]
Can’t do this anymore
What do I say to my wife
I don’t know what to say I’m lost and losing everything I just want to sleep.. I’m just trying to talk to someone . It’s to much to right.. I’m sitting here looking at what’s going to diside my faith.. I’m not looking for attention for sympathy
I am sad to announce that, I am effectively going to end my life soon.
I don’t feel the need like to continue living, I don’t feel the need to continue worrying about anything. I am not going to talk about why I am going to end up my life, but just wanting to make you know is because I just can’t continue having pain.
I am going to leave everything, I don’t know how I am going to do it, but this is the last time i touch a keyboard; this is the last time i touch anything.
I am fucking annoyed of everyone […]
whats the point in faking a smile every single day and not being my true self why is it that people just judge you by the scars on you and not even your friends are able to look at your body because they are ashamed to be around you becasue of how ugly you are with these scars yes indeed they make you who you are but why is it people feel the need to fucking judge like its their bussiness
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