Happy Leap Day
Well, today is an oddball for sure. I think there’s even a leap second or something to go with the leap day, but I’m not 100% sure about that.
Anyway, speaking of leaping things, I wish I could leap. Over this fucking wall of depression. I’m sure many feel similar.
Fuck.
I want to overdose and die
I want death
So badly
So badly
I almost crave it.
How do I stop these thoughts? All I seem to think about is death. Suicide. Being pain free. Am I wrong for that? Am I being selfish? Don’t I have a say in my life? Yes… I am being selfish. And, yes, I am wrong.
Where has the time gone? I’m losing track of everything and I can’t seem to grip onto something and stay focused and keep moving with life. I feel so stuck and out of place and away from myself, from the world, from reality. I’m so lost and angry and horribly sad and I […]
You stopped the pain from carrying on
This is why I’m sitting here writing this song
You lied to me and ended it this way
Didn’t even have the guts to say it to my face
You’re just a coward a twit
All you do is is make my teeth grit
Fuck off back to your own life
I’ll just go back to my one true love the knife
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
It fucking hurts. And I couldn’t possibly tell anyone because they don’t give a shit. I was lied to for three years and it hit me hard. My anorexia is a joke to my family, my self harm scars are getting easier to hide again, and I just want to sleep forever.
It’s been months since I’ve had a drink and more than a year since I got off of morphine, but I need something now. Something stronger than the half bottle of whiskey I’ve got in the garage.
Say what you will, but self medication works better than anything else I’ve tried.
I saw one of my exs a little bit ago. At the bar we ust to work together at. He’s the one who punched me in the face one night. It doesn’t matter why he did. All these emotions came rushing back. Fuck. I’m overwhelmed. Depression settles again, it was a good past few hours. And it came to an end quickly once again. I want to go home.
Hey you! Yeah you! Wanna know something before I continue on with this thing? You don’t? Well piss off, I’m doing it anyways. This is going to include more than just her, it’s going to be myself as well. Maybe a deviation from my usual style, but maybe that’s a good thing.
Her hair is pulled behind her hair in some sort of braid. It rests perfectly behind her neck and trails down the back of her blue shirt. She’s ignoring me right now, but that’s okay. At the moment she’s manning the register and she’s doing something that I’m confused just looking at. This menial […]
I really wanna go back to the psych unit because I fucking hate being in the real world because people expect things of me and when im there no one expects anything but for me to be sad and thats really all i can do and i hate people in my school because they dont understand how sensitive i am and i really wanna kill myself just to prove them a fucking point and no one understands me and just kinda laughs at the weird things i do when im trying to be serious and im just done being the only person in the whole […]
I made it in! Fuck yeah! If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s this http://suicideproject.org/2015/10/unrelated-to-the-normal/ . HOBY motherfucking leadership camp, I’m on my way. Yes!
This is just going to be a bunch of nonsensical rambling, but I’m just so tired of people. I’m drained, too, thus no proofreading to see if I even made sense.
Sorry for the waste of time.
Two of my friends have been inseparable since I introduced them. They became best friends. One is a lesbian, one is an inactive bisexual (she likes women, but has a child and wants a man to replace his shithead father, thus being inactive in the lady-looking-for-lady party.) I’m going to refer to them as lesbian and bisexual, hope I don’t offend anyone.
Felo-de-se
Why did I have to be born this way?
Life’s a game, I’ll no longer play
Humiliated, degraded with every word that’s spoke
Why am I just a pathetic joke?
Why did I have to be born this way?
In a world like this, I’ll no longer stay
Treated like shit from the moment I awoke
The toughest of souls would find themselves broke
Why keep on living you disgusting, cock-less freak?
The same familiar words from all those whom bother to speak
Isn’t it wrong to treat me this way?
Why the fuck would I want to stay?
Just a pathetic tiny dick joke
Made to feel worthless […]
My friend has just tried to commit because he likes me and i basically lead him on (I didn’t mean to).
If he succeeds then I don’t want to live anymore, I can’t handle the guilt of being responsible for another person ending their life. But I’m scared, I want a relatively painless way to die.
Update: he was unsuccessful, luckily. But I don’t know how to support him and be there for him as a fringed without him getting the wrong idea?
maybe it’s alcohol or maybe I’m riding a mania. Both ways it doesn’t matter I decided to give my self another chance before I end it all. I will try to find love within again after being dead inside for long time. Nothing really matters since we are going to die someday aight? Fuck depression and fuck all the mental diseases all together nobody deserve it and I won’t wish it for my most hated enemies. I will stick to SP and try to help as much as possible I love u all
I guess short term it’s easier for someone to yell at you for doing something incorrect than it is for them to explain to you the right way..
The world is a lazy place filled with short-term-minded people. And apparently that’s my fault.
I’m forever being yelled at.
Forever a fuck up.
I’m sorry..
Cried myself in the bathroom. I don’t even know why I’m breaking down.
All I know is I’m tired and there are cuts on my arm. Fuck, right?
years on this bitter, sour soil has taught me x amount of useless information.
1). Some hugs feel like thorns.
2). Most breaths are filled with poison.
It’s a pretty shitty thing to think about the way you want to die, and the need to die and the awful way you joke about it to yr friends, making it seem like a fuhkd up joke but in reality you’re asking for help. They know you’re sick. You know you’re sick. Your therapist knows your sick. Also, do your parents. But no matter how much you fight it seems static and thick. It stays. Unmoving. Instead of getting […]
Never been so low, didnt know. That I could fall so far covered in scars. Caused by the drugs I use, I abuse. Shit. It wasnt written in the stars its the life I choose. Whats it to you? If I hurt myself, nobody else, self destruct. Fuck health. Aint no one got time for that…So, Ima grab another sack. Lay back and pray I never wake up. Cause I cant get my cake up, while starin in the face of, this dark hearted demon, i just feel like leaving, everything ive known everytime that Im fiendin. No sleepin no eatin, barely even human. Constant […]
Fuck, I hope this video brings you to tears like it did for me. I’m feeling pretty emotional right now because I’ve made it farther than I ever thought I would. Today begins my goal to train for a half marathon in September. Run this with me. Set some sort of goal for yourself with me. Whether it’s as simple as waking up a bit earlier or whatever comes to mind. Just challenge yourself. I’m going to kill this. Let’s kill it together.
Ok – so
I started at a new therapist yesterday
She talked to me for an hour and a half. We literally scratched the surface – I told her when I started to feel anxiety in my life and told her a LITTLE about my 3 life destroying relationships
She says to me – “You have suffered a very high degree of trauma in your life”… ALREADY – she knows this from the tiny tip of the gigantic, ship fucking sinking iceberg that is my life… I haven’t even told her about all through school and the suicide attempt(S) and she says “I have August off”… […]
Please log in to report posts