Wouldn’t it be better if everyone of us could live in his/her own unique madness?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7YEVP4r2ok
Lyrics:
Leave the madman in his madness
And don’t try to bring him to his senses
You don’t know what is hidden
Inside the mind of a madman
–
He might find in his madness
Everything he has desired
And wasn’t able
To see and to obtain
–
Leave the madman in his madness
Leave him in his dream
He’s been sick and tired of this world
And he created one of his own
First time posting here.
I’ve been, I guess you could say “actively suicidal” in the past. Perhaps not currently. But, on some level, I’m always thinking about it.
I feel tired. old. most of all, worthless.
I’m not who I set out to be. I was reading someone else’s post on here about how it could take just one big thing to fuck up your life forever. and yeah. but, breaking it down, it’s probably not one thing or one event, but a whole series of things over a whole series of years. or you hit so many setbacks, fallen off the proverbial horse so many times, you […]
Today I just watched and wondered why I had to wake up. Why get up? Good god, just another one of these days. I realized the normalcy in my life just kind of went away.
I just feel like hell, trying my best in all my work but I just can’t seem to get the grip or get that motivation back. Everything still just seems to kind of died out. things just seem so gray, I can’t find the color in my life like when I was a kid. I realized one of the sources of my problems though. Its that I’ve associated normal behavior and […]
Things are not going well in my relationship with my partner. After 7 years, seems he is done with me, not that he says that. But how else can I interpret his behaviour. It terrifies me. And I feel so hurt and used. I gave so much and didn’t get nearly as much.
I’ve been so sad. The other day I was reviewing in detail how I would kill myself, and it made me more upset and sadder somehow. Some part of me was fighting against it, now that I felt I was about ready to go through with it, nothing external holding me back anymore, […]
I’m on this site just to put down what’s in my head, because I can never say it out loud. So, I’m probably going to sound really stupid, but whatever. My mom’s really been getting on me about grades lately. I’m an A student, but currently have a B in chemistry and a C in trig, which is a level above my grade. I know she’s just trying to be a good parent, but I just don’t get why it matters. Why does it matter if I have a B and a C? Why would it matter if that prevents me from getting into some […]
So often… i have so many thoughts i feel compelled to express, but so little energy to spend on articulating and verbalizing them. Even that first line was difficult.
But then i start doing math, and think: who would see? of those, who would listen? of those, who would understand? of those, who would care?
And even if i could share every one of my most meaningful thoughts, with, say, 100 people who would see, read, listen, understand, and care… what good would it really do?
And even if it would do a little bit of good… it wouldn’t be enough… for Me.
So, often, i have all these […]
A bit of personal history: I was once a top student in my Primary school and was subsequently admitted to a Secondary school of repute. I can say that this is the heyday of my life. Things starts to get sour in my third year and confidence in my ability seemed to drain away when I failed consistently to score despite all my efforts. No matter how hard I try, I just could not get it. It is the feeling of ‘I worked so hard but got so little while others have it made for them with brighter minds. It is so unfair that anyone […]
The bible is mostly bullshit.  But the book of Ecclesiastes has some great wisdom in it.  It was written by King Solomon as he was dying and realized the futility of the world.  Here’s a great verse.  I’m sure you guys can relate.
1Again, I observed all the oppression that takes place under the sun. I saw the tears of the oppressed, with no one to comfort them. The oppressors have great power, and their victims are helpless. 2So I concluded that the dead are better off than the living. 3But most fortunate of all are those who are not yet born. For they have not seen […]
I think I need to up my dosage. I’ve been on anti-depressants for 6 weeks and I haven’t felt any positive effect. If anything, I feel worse. Suicide resides in the forefront of my mind. Futility rules supreme in my mind. I’ll meet with my therapist, maybe she can help.
I’m surprised to see you again.
I’m sure anyone reading this has heard it all before. I’m tired of getting up in the morning, droning through a job filled with office politics, unable to help my brain injured son further and unable to cope with his pathological lying, his lack of motivation, his manipulation and more.
I’ve lived my life for my son for 34 years. Since he was 11 years of age, and a diagnosis of psychiatric disorder, he has been in and out of institutionalization (juvenile detention x2, an adult life of crime, culminating in a brain injury from violence at age 23, then more psychiatric detention and jail as […]
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