So, let’s start this off right, shall we? I suffer from psychosis. Meaning, I suffer from hallucinations on top of my major depressive disorder. These voices are evil creatures. James – The ring leader – wants me dead. Hailey wants others dead. Jimmy – The nice one – left years ago, I’m assuming hallucinations can off themselves too. I’m so sick of hearing from them. And yes, I’m on medication. And again, yes, I have been taking it. I’m so sick of this world. Nothing good comes of it. But god help me if I don’t want to live in this filth encrusted world we […]
Tag:
give in
really bring out the darkness inside me. I try so fucken hard to excel to be a better person in spite of all the fucked up things that are my life. I try to be more understanding, forgiving, helpful, kind but GOD WTF is the point?!!!! People abuse the fuck out of that!!! WHY!??? I’m tired of trying to be the exception of trying to be one of the good people left but it is truly exhausting and hard and I want to give in. Seriously fuck it I’ll just be a selfish asshole like everyone else in the world. I have feelings for someone […]
What’s the allure of fantasizing about death? It makes no sense. You know (talking to myself) that you don’t want to die. All you want is for things to be different. Sometimes it seems so hard, too hard, to change things. I want to own people is what my problem is. I want their attention and admiration and as time goes by the illusions are falling away and I can see emptiness. I’m starting to see that my thinking doesn’t add up. So what is the way to think? I’ve been reading about suicide all night and the two things some people say help are […]
I don’t know how to resolve the conflict within myself. I’ve been trying for so long to figure out a compromise between the different elements of my mind. But there isn’t one. And I don’t think I can let go of either of them.
One is entirely superficial. All it wants is instant, unrestricted gratification. It doesn’t care about consequences, or the limitations of reality. It will accept no denial. Giving in to it brings temporary elation, but once satisfied it fades into the background, leaving only nagging discontent. Denying it removes any feelings of satisfaction in anything, leaving only despair.
The other is appalled by the […]
Just wanted to share some love to all of you who are struggling.
Maybe you feel like you can’t go another day. You feel like taking your last breath. You feel the weight of the world on top of you, caving in on your chest. You feel it so much it’s went from just being mental, to a real physical pain. You feel you don’t belong or have a place in this world. You cry yourself to sleep some or most nights. You have suicidal ideation. You think about what this world would be without you, and probably feel it wouldn’t even notice your absence.
I’ve been […]
Sometimes it may look like I have enough answers to improve my own life but truth is I’m barely holding myself together..
In a year I’ve lost my girl, my career is over, I lost my place and my will to make progress has run dry.
There are parts of my own sanity that create conflict in myself and between others..that now, I find myself giving into accepting the fact that I need medical help and councilors to guide me in even the most simplest of ways. I have the motivation but i still find myself in the same situation.
I want to live but […]
I’m happy till I sleep. Sleeping is my struggle.. Is my hell. Most of you struggle with suicide and cutting and I’m stuck with sleepless nights full of fear an torment. I’m happy. I’ve been sucked up by depression and spit out by suicide. Cutting didn’t give me the help I needed so I left. I’m not going back. I refuse to go back. My breathing shallows and I become more and more afraid of leaving this world before I complete one of my tasks. Anxiety hasn’t let go of my wrist and it hurts.. It hurts so bad. I can’t over power him.. I’m […]
Hi.. My name is Astley. I’m fourteen years old and I think I’ve been through a lot. My grandma has ALS so my family’s been gone a lot. I’ve been cutting for over a year and I really really want to kill myself. I struggle with horrible anxiety, Anorexia, and depression. I honestly hate myself. More than anything. I don’t think I deserve to live. I think I’m more trouble than I’m worth and I do take more than I ever give in. I hate myself so much. If I kill myself though, so will my boyfriend and I just can’t do that to his […]
It’s viral, this spiral
That threatens our survival
Take a picture for the road
We’ll say cheese and smile
Yea, we’re versatile
We’ll give you what you want
And we’ll make it seem worthwhile
Denial, our wile
We make it a lifestyle
Take it hook, line, and sinker
And then praise us for our guile
We’re liars, expired
Somebody start a fire
The only thing that’s left for us
Is burning on a pyre
Yea, we know it’s dire
And still, it’s what we want
Are you scared of our desire?
In this mire, we’re tired
Beginning to perspire
The only ones who hear us now
Are partners to conspire
It’s dust, skin rust
Our spirit’s outer crust
It’s really only flesh and bone
Who cares if we combust?
Yea, we […]
Sometimes i feel it would be just so much easier to give in to temptation… to let the blade make me forget everything i worry about. Every now and then i wonder why i put myself through all this grief and stress when i could make it all go away and never have to worry about a single thing ever again… bad late night thoughts that haunt me.
Why do I deal with him?? Like am I really that stupid to continue to talk to someone who only wants me to talk sexual to him and when I don’t he flips out or confesses his feelings for me to try to get me to give in. Or he just randomly flips out on my because I like a guy and comes up with this horrible flaw about them when he is really describing himself. He makes me feel like complete shit 99.9% of the time. Why do I allow myself to go through that?? And why can’t I say this to […]
Suicidal thoughts don’t make you a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed. These thoughts occur to when our pain is greater than we can cope with. Will power has nothing to do with it. If we could cheer ourselves up, we would. We all experience different kinds of pain and we all have different limits. If you ever feel like giving up, just know that you are not alone. There are many of us feeling the same way. But don’t give in, talk to someone first. Talk to a friend, a stranger, talk to me..
I wish I had the courage to do something like this. Maybe without the costumes. Just open my arms up and see who would take a free hug. What do you guys think about the video. Would you have still hugged him. I would have. Costume or not. This is my wish for all of you tonight. All of you who are hurting, lonely, sad, depressed, feeling suicidal. Hanging on by a very thin thread. Hugs from me to you. I hope and pray you’ll make it through the night. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Good night SP. =)
fucking urges to self destruct and self mutilate are so strong today….I can’t give in…come on, get it together Gianna, almost 4 weeks clean, don’t ruin it now
I have taken my anxiety med, I am drinking a beer and watching True Blood. Trying not to give in to my compulsion to make nice with my ex. I am embarassed by my behavior. I need to sort myself out. I guess I relied on him as a way to get out of my head for a bit.
ive never want to cut so much in my life,
to feel that cool red liquid pour out of a fresh cut,
to feel that moment of relief,
to see the blood give in,
to see the blood turn to scabs then the scabs to scars,
its the best way to cope,
the only way i know,
because im sick of living this life,
tired of who i am
This pain is unnatural, a form of devious evil. It laughs with its twisted and corrupted face. Tears are trying to draw the pain away, create a smile – which fails.
Will I die soon, is it coming closer, will my heart give in to the pressure. Physical pain; please leave – set me free.
Remove my wings but let my worn out body breathe and ascend again.
Let my demise be painless, until you plunge me down.
Into the abyss.
I wonder what would happen if I just said goodbye. If I just went away…I haven’t been happy since daddy passed away. He was the only one that made me feel loved….How do I get better? How do I release? My wrist craves the nick of a razor but I just can’t give in.
Have you ever felt so much pain from all your hurtful past events that you break down crying? But then there just one event in particular that makes your skin crawl, even the thought of it makes you wanna fall apart right then and there…..You feel like you wanna break down and cry….But nothing comes out, so you sit there completely numb to the world around you, just being consumed by your own thoughts….Constantly asking yourself “Why?”…..Then everything just crashes down before your eyes…….and after a while……you just give in and wait for death…..Know the feeling?
~.Andi.~
As frustrating as this back-and-forth bullshit is, today is one of the days I’m glad I didn’t decide to end it (I think). Rainy mornings followed by a world that is glistening, new, and ripe with new life. I feel partially inclined to watch because I’m wont to do that, but something deep inside of me screams to make myself part of it. New life.
Isn’t this always how it starts? Mystification –> disenchantment –> disappointment.
I don’t know which part of myself to give in to. Let myself be happy for a bit, give in wholly, and hope? Give in partially, so later on I don’t […]
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