so I don’t know where to even start, I’m going to college this fall. I don’t know if Im excited or not about it… I don’t want to leave my family, I hate them at times and get in fights with them but I still think I will miss them a little even though I’ve been dying to get out for years cause I cant take all there shit. Im bi and I feel like that is going to stop me from making friends and I’m worried about that already. I have horrid anxiety and depression and so thats not helping at all. I haven’t […]
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Going To College
Last night was really scary. I’m 18, I’ve had suicidal thoughts off and on for over a year now, but lately they are pretty relentless. Yesterday I was having them all day, I’m not even sure why. I also just relapsed with my eating disorder. Every day I either restrict calories or eat and then make myself sick. I threw up twice yesterday. When it came time to go to bed I could not think about anything other than killing myself. I started to drift off and as I did I started picturing everyone who knows me going to my funeral and reacting to my […]
Okay, this will be long winded. I’m sorry.
I’m 22 years old. For the past ten years, I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety. I’ve been officially diagnosed with severe depression, severe anxiety, severe social anxiety and borderline post traumatic stress disorder.
I’ve been through a lot in my life, but I’ll make it short. As a kid, my mom was a pot head and she slept all day while my dad worked two jobs, only seeing him for about 15 minutes a day. Thus, I was left alone a lot as a kid with my brother. My parents eventually split up and my siblings and I […]
death is the best way out and the only way. I want to die so much, you dont understand because no one does. Ive told people but they think its a joke. I see it in their face, that smile, that smirk. Its just a joke……
But im afraid to kill, to kill myself. I cant do it and i try. I think about the multiple ways and i cry because I can’t do it.
In a nutshell: 23 years old, No job, never been in a serious relationship, living with my sibling who I can tell doesn’t want me to be here much longer. No money, no car, and since graduating and moving to a new city, no friends. I do EVERYTHING alone. I eat alone, I go out alone, I work out alone. Student loan payments will have to be made soon. Rent, car payments, a multitude of other bills with no job are coming. This isn’t what it was supposed to be like. By this point in my life I was supposed to be starting a new […]
1. I am healthy.
2. I eat well.
3. I sleep well.
4. I have a very small social group around me. Very small, but they lift my mood. They make me laugh. They make me enjoy. I do not have a family, or love, but that is okay.
5. I am going to college soon. There is a long path stretching ahead. It may be dark and twisting, but at least it is not a dead end.
Even though recently I have been feeling a bit sad. I just realize how people have boyfriends and girlfriends, how people can fall in love, make life meaningful. How people have parents, […]
I’m 17 years old, a senior in high school. My grades are flawless, I’m going to college next year on an academic scholarship. I’m going to be a neonatal nurse, to save innocent babies. I’ve never drank, never smoked, I rarely swear, I refuse to do drugs, and I’ve told guys no when they want to sleep with me, all to set a good example for my younger sisters. My teachers love me,”I never fail to brighten their day!” Next month I’m going to be an American Sign Language teacher to elementary students and in March I’m going to be an aunt for the first […]
I don’t understand.
I’m employed, healthy, and I can deal with people most of the time, but I still don’t want to live. Why? I feel like I don’t even deserve to have feelings like this. That I just need to get over it. I don’t enjoy doing anything anymore. I made plenty of changes in my life, hoping that something might flip the switch and I could enjoy being me. I moved out of my parents, started making new friends, started dating guys again, got a job in the new city, and tried to stop worrying about so many things.
But I still don’t want to […]
the coward’s way out, then I’d rather be a smart coward than brave and delusional
ever since I’ve stopped going to college (sept. 2011), I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do next, what path to follow .. in vain
but the truth is: a future where I’m glad I’m still alive, where I’ve found a purpose is a self-inflicted lie .. my ego+personality knows that when I die, it will be the end of it and it can’t stand the idea of its own death .. so it would rather fool me into believing there’s still something to gain from, something to accomplish […]
am I supposed to keep going:
– when it feels like my drive to desire is broken (desire being the root of action) ?
– when my ego’s been getting weaker for the past 5+ years ?
– when my mind cannot generate meaningful goals etc like it used to ?
I wanted to become a psychologist when I started going to college (sept. 06) .. it was my only and meaningful goal, my door into the future
I got to experience mental abuse & other bad things in an environment I started to hate .. unfortunately, I had no other realistic option than […]
All my life no one has really had high hopes for me. No one has ever motivated me into doing anything. Only my oldest sister has went to college and she still can’t find a job. My mom tells me there is no point in going to college in today’s time. Â Me I don’t care what my future holds. There is no future only a present. I get pissed off when I get treated like shit cause I have worked my ass off in school without ANY motivation to keep me going. I have done it all on my own. I decide always to work […]
I’m trying to make things right. fuck, i guess i didn’t realize working on a time limit makes things a helluva lot more difficult. Why is it that it’s never enough? why am I never enough? I can see my ‘friends’ going places, and doing things with their lives, but when I think of myself all I can think of is the nothingness inside of me (yes I stole that from Linkin Park), I can’t see myself going to college or getting a job, or being a ‘contributing member of society. I am stuck. and I just what to end it all.
Fuck. The nights and […]
I’ve so often thought of suicide, but when I hear that word it seems inappropriate to convey what I really want. The truth is I just want an ending. I want to be free from the expectations of parents and people around me, free of the worry for money or to have a social standing. I’ve been going to college for 3 years and they haven’t been very happy. Now I flunked cell biology and my moms cutting me off, and spoke to me with the most sincere sense of disappointment. She said she loved me but I saw no love in her words. It’s […]
I’ve been depressed and suicidal recently with no one to talk of my issues with. I recently decided to talk to the school counselor about my problems. At first, everything was great, but then from the depression test results she decided that she needs to talk to my parents about my depression (the talk is tomorrow night shit shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck fuck) as well as getting me to see my pediatrician about things I can do (antidepressants stuff).
I’m really starting to regret talking to my counselor and wish there was some other way of doing this without making things more complicated than […]
i havent been on here in so long, i forgot about how sad i was until i read all of these posts i put up. i came back for one reason and one reason only, to say goodbye to this website. i dont need it anymore 🙂
i have the guy of my dreams, my mother and me are happy, and im just happy. i dont cry as much anymore i mean, i still do but thats either period related or just missing my daddy. but im happy
so i over came my suicide. my dark moments filled with pain and sadness. gone, all the pain is […]
I tried to be so nice to people I am I think a mistake my kindness for weakness. I have a lot of learning disabilities. true while I was really feeling well. I got my real estate license and I started really doing well. now I have lost my home to foreclosure. my daughter has done everything she said she finished high school are your early. and now her friends are going to college and I cannot help her. I’ve lost the house I built and now im living in temporary housing. I know money isn’t everything but I can survive and I’m not […]
So…I’m 20 year old girl who is feeling like a loser for her whole life.
I fail at college which my parents and I pay a lot of money for. I just don’t feel like studying. Even when I find the will to do that, it disappears quickly and rarely returns. Â I find studying boring and unefficient. I fail at being a college student.
This is just what was been worrying me recently. My whole life is some kind of a sick joke someone got me into and I have the feeling that everyone around me laugh at me behind my back. I’m just miserable.
So I think […]
Well, most people woud think that I’m stupid, so I dont think it would be a good idea to post my side of the story, because I even told my mom about it but she thinks that I’m crazy or something. Anyway, I been thinking of suicide for a while too. I felt that there was no use of living anymore when I become depressed because of my sins I’ve commited. Well, most of the times I feel that God doesn’t even care for me because of my past sins. I even tried to repent but still feel miserable and embarrassed. Therefore, I feel if […]