Lyrics:
Everyday nothing seems to change
Everywhere I go I keep seeing the same old things
and I, I can’t take it no more
I would leave this town, but I,
I ain’t got nowhere else to go
–
Wake up in the morning to more,
more bad news and I
sometimes I feel like I was born to lose and I,
It’s driving me out of my mind
Gonna catch the next train and I
move on down the line
–
I’ll be ready now
I’ll be […]
Can I vanish?
Hello everyone, I believe you all know why I am here posting this. I feel empty, loneliness, hopeless. The will to live longer inside me has vanished, I do not wish to live any longer. I have friends, but none has really understood me. I have a wealthy family, but wealthy does not mean joy. I used to be a genius at school, but due to the current situation, I do not have the will to learn any longer. I cannot feel the joy inside me much longer. I just feel like it is worthless to live […]
I have lost multiple people in my life. Many, many people. It hurts, I thought they would live forever, they would never leave me, but no they didn’t, people never do. It’s all my fault, all mine, they left this world, and I probably caused it… I was young, so little, my adoptive mother/great great grandmother loved me, hated me, protected me,exposed me, hid me, hurt me, but she kept me alive, she died when I was around seven. All I remember is her in the hospital bed with pictures of us taped to the many wires which were connected to her. She died, with […]
why is school so hard? I’m not meaning academically but the people, I can’t help but feel judged and people look at me and laugh and it doesn’t help that I hate my body but today was awful. In Spanish I sit by two socialites and they always try to talk to me in a nose way and today they kept looking at me and laughing. Every time I did I only tried to hide my face and go away. It’s so hard to ignore these people and no one seems to get it my friends don’t help or anything and I just feel like I’m […]
Everyone has that person who they can tell anything to and they know they won’t judge, or make fun of them for it. I have always considered this guy to be my best friend. We have known each other since fifth grade, and when we met we just clicked. We are now both juniors, I still consider him to be my bestfriend but i know he has drifted to other people, and i get we both have other friends, but he sort of just dropped me. But with him, its that he won’t answer me for a few days and won”t talk to me in […]
In the past week I have lost almost everyone…everything. For a while, weeks, months, years maybe, I’ve been wanting to escape. Escape it all…all at once. The pain. The fear. The loss. The confusion. The depression. Everything. Gone. But how? There’s so much to leave behind but so much to let go. How do you grow the courage to make your decision?
Sometimes I wonder if there really is an alternate universe, or another life, or a life in a life. And whatever might happen when you’re dead and your feet are no longer touching the ground.
What do you feel after you die? What do you see? Is everything pitch black, you with no thoughts whatsoever, you literally just gone? Are you really going to be up there, with a God who just so promised to have plans for you? Plans for your life? Or is there another life, where, once you’re dead, you live again. Live another life. Reborn. Forget your past life and just move forward. Start new.
Sometimes […]
The sound of rain hitting the glass and pavement
Using my authority as Student Council President to scare off other students
Touching the wall after swimming 200 Fly and realising I won
Swimming the medley relay with our team – The Ultimate Team – and getting 5th in the country
Having my parents yell at me when I forget to wear slippers in the house
Dancing in the graveyard
Perfectly executing an aerial cartwheel at the ShaoLin Wushu Festival
Shaking hands with the conductor as the First Chair Flute
Doing a ‘Csardas’ duet with my boyfriend on violin and me on flute
Playing out all my frustration and sorrow on the piano and flute
Telling […]
I gave myself one week for me to change my mind, and to not execute my plan to attempt suicide. The day that I planned to execute my plan, and end my life was Friday. I told myself that if anyone showed that they actually cared about me, or if someone gave me a reason to live that I wouldn’t end my life. One of my ex-college professors called my cell phone this weekend. He asked if I was okay, and said that I seemed troubled the last time that he talked to me. I immediately tried to reassure him […]
I have set a new termination date, and I plan to depart next week. Hopefully this time I do not screw up and end up still alive. I feel trapped, and that I have to make this decision. Although I have been depressed and suicidal for the past seven years, I feel as though my feelings have catalyzed within the past few weeks. I’m sick and tired of always being sick and tired. Sick and tired of being a stupid, worthless,and hated burden on those that are around me. I am nothing more than a failure. I don’t […]
“Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time, here comes the start of every sleepless night, the first of every tear I’m gonna cry…”
Two months ago you were here.. and two months ago you died. Out of nowhere, and my heart has never felt so much pain. I keep trying to understand and I just don’t.. & I hate that I don’t.. This pain is unbearable. You were my best friend, my very best friend who knew every little thing about me and now you’re gone. We shared a connection no one understood and we loved each other so much. I can’t believe it would’ve […]
Well, he’s gone. I can’t say much about this, just in case someone who knows me stumbles across this website, they would be able to tell that it’s me. So… the struggle it is to talk about my feelings. The love of my life is gone, and isn’t coming back for months. No more constantly texting him, or sneaking out to see him. Only a couple pictures, his stuff that he gave me, and memories. I just can’t believe the moment where he had to leave, came so soon. He made me so happy. I no longer feel the need to move, eat, or take […]
No one cares until you’re gone
im sorry
Numb. Tears. Fear. Loss. Alone. Him. Gone. Stupid. Black&White. Sound. Betrayal. Silence. Eyes. Looks. Words. Judgements. Ache. Need. Dreams. Darkness. Where. Why. Please. Him. Him. Him, him, him, him, him, him, him…
I’ve struggled with severe depression for 6 years now. I have been hospitalized twice for suicidal thoughts and close attempts. I have been a self harmer for 4 of these 6 years.  I’ve tried all the medications, I’ve tried all the therapy, I’ve tried everything. nothing significant happened in my life to make me feel this way, its just the way I am. chemical imbalance bullshit. my close family is aware of my depression, yet they don’t know that I struggle every single day just to wake up and get myself out of bed. They don’t know that I’m failing college and close to dropping out. I’ve lost my […]
i want to cut severely deep.
i want to hit myself with the hardest things, as hard as i can.
i want to drown in my tub with heavy rocks holding me down.
i want to never speak again.
i want to take all the pills i can find.
i want to purge until my throat is raw.
i want to never eat again.
i want to say good bye and mean it.
i want my body to fail me.
i want the blood to keep pouring.
i want the darkness to eat me alive.
pulling me further and further down.
i will be no more.
nothing.
gone.
if only […]
Her mother has six children, five girls and one boy. She is second oldest in line. The oldest sister does nothing to help the family, never steps up to her place to aide the mother in raising up the children. There is no father around, though the boy does not step up and take the mans place like he should, protecting the women and girls. She has been taking care of children since she was 6, feeding them, bathing them, getting up every 2 hours for a bottle. She had grown tired but does not complain for she knows her mother must appreciate it somehow… […]
i’ve been having this feeling,
this feeling of nonexistence.
it’s as if i’m not quite here,
i have no purpose,
i’m nothingness,
worthless,
simply air.
Once, again my life is continuing on it’s downward decent; although this time it is spiraling out of control more rapidly than it ever has before. I can’t do any of this anymore…nor do I really want to. I am tired, of living, breathing, and existing. I feel as if I do not even have a purpose anymore, but instead I am an empty shell that is carrying on the functions of the person that I used to be. No one cares about me, for awhile I thought that maybe for once in my life someone actually cared about me, but alas I was wrong. I was […]
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