Time has come. The moment when I feel like my ressources are becoming too thin to help me deal with the damages caused by a series of traumas that happened for seven years, leaving me with sole compagny our dear friend depression and collateral damages for over ten lovely springs. The urge to kill myself has been within me for so long that it shaped my life, my personnality and most certainly my abailities. Nethertheless, there are people I love and who care about me so I cannot make the jump as I think is the case for many other peeps around here. This attachement […]
Hi again. Sorry I have not posted anything for a while. But I’ve been thinking…
I really and truly hate myself. There’s never actually been a moment in my life in which I’ve looked at myself and thought, “I love me,” to be honest. I just can’t help but feel as though I often mess things up and not please others as best I can. No matter how hard I try in school, I feel as though it’s not good enough. School is really frustrating and tiring, and every day I think about killing myself, whether I’m in a good mood or not. It just happens, […]
Greetings all. Getting ready to do the deed and was hoping for some feedback on my, admittedly, unconventional final remarks. I wanted to try and keep things are lighthearted as possible given the subject matter and place the blame where it belongs–myself. Iwould appreciate any thoughts. It does need to be right the first time after all.
To whom it may concern;
I doubt that many people will read this and fewer still are likely to care. That said I felt I should say something before the big recycle so here it is. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I have decided to go the gun […]
I think it’s time for me to go. I’m still fucked up, if not more fucked up than when I first came here. Trevor loves Kendall, and I think it’s time for me to realize it. Yeah, he flirts with me, but he flirts with pretty much every girl; he’s a flirty person. He doesn’t like me. My grandma isn’t going to get better. Lacey and Papa aren’t going to come back. My parents love my little sister more than they love me. I can’t make them happy. I take all Pre-AP courses offered, I quit cutting, I’ve never had detention, I’ve kept all A’s, […]
I feel like I’m in a tug of war between life and death. I’ve given up and now I’m just watching the days go by. What am I waiting for? because I don’t want to live. I want to wake up with a smile on my face, get ready in a good mood, breathe easy and walk happily to my death.. I don’t want to feel fear or guilt or sorrow.
When I think of the countless number of people who have taken their lives since the beginning of man and the men and women who take their lives every year – it makes me […]
Do tranquilizers and antidepressants combat constant bad luck occurrences?
As everyone knows that have read my past posts, I have been very depressed and taking antidepressants for quite a few years. For me, suicide has been a security blanket for countless years and has provided somewhat a comfort from some past crappy occurrences that appears to me, to be extremely bad luck. Of course there may be some happenstances that are a result of my poor choices, but I will not admit to that now at this moment. For now it is the cruel cosmos that is to blame for all my unhappiness.
Undesirable things just seem […]
i don’t really understand why i think about killing myself all the time. the feeling and thoughts don’t even derive from bad memories or events. they’re simply always there.
people tell me all the time to realize that my life isn’t bad, but that’s not the problem, im aware of that.
it’s just, i think i’m the problem. that I don’t deserve to be here. but what the fuck did i even do wrong?
i try my best to be respectable, i care about people who don’t even give two shits about me, others always come before myself. i try to be good, i think i am pretty decent.
so why […]
Can’t stop thinking about this shit, have to write it or I’ll do something really fucking stupid
I have been having suicidal thoughts lately
Seems like the easiest way out…..yet I’ve seen how suicide affects my friends, and I don’t want them to feel the pain of going through that ever again
So I’m stuck in an endless loop of torturing myself
I don’t fear death, I embrace it
Why fear something you know nothing about? It could be the best thing that ever happened to you
I am ugly, and all people ever seem to care about is how a person looks
Even if one of my friends is eyeing someone, they always judge them based on what they look like, and involve me
Even I’m guilty of […]
How do you really tell someone you’re in pain without it bothering them? Without making them feel useless for not being to help you? Normal activities will only take you so far. Should I return to pointlessly opening my flesh? How many OD’s til I get it right? When will this spit stay in my mouth? When will my body stop aborting itself? I don’t want to kick and thrash anymore. I don’t want to freeze in one state for minutes on end. I want my old life back. When I was a humorous person to be around, when I would laugh at myself even. […]
Ts her birthday. I’m in school with her all fucking day. Stuck seeing him and her holding hands ands kissing.. He should be kissing me. Holding my hand. Not hers.
In a good mood other than her being here and her being with him..
yes I am the jealouse type, and I know that. So no one needs to tell me
I was just sitting comfortably in bed watching TV and in a strangely good mood and then suddenly it all went black inside my head and all I can think now is that I want to stab myself multiple times. It’s sort of scary, really, the way I go from balanced and happy to furious and violent in seconds. I thought this sadness was going away, but it turns out it hasn’t, I’ve simply been distracted by school and a supposed social life but I’ve spent the last week at home pretty much alone. I don’t want my happiness to depend on other people or […]
I’m not in a good mood today. It was a P.E day. We had to dance with boy partners and most of all of them i had was wanting to switch partners, meaning, i’m an unenthusiastic, worthless creep. I was depressed all day over one little thing. i’m so ridiculous. I wanted to cut myself all day, it was so painful to be me. These things, negative comments, just triggered me to want to kill myself. Anyway, i have a plan to. I don’t mean to give people ideas, but i just wanna know if it’ll work. One idea was to take an overdose of […]
Hello, my name is Viktor D.
I’m from Serbia, and I have a lot of emotional problems, along problems with people.
I am a metal-head and people who don’t know what metal is and how good metal-people are, and that they also have emotions, and can be soft and good to other people and nice, polite etc. but when I see other people who don’t understand what it is, and when I see them make fun of it and me and my friends, it makes me burst with rage, but then I understand that even if they somehow get better and start to understand, there are […]
would anyone like to see what my art looks like..? i cant really draw people but i like to draw wolves and foxes, sometimes cats. it will be digital cause i dont have a scanner -sad- im in a suprisingly good mood today….heh
Dedicated to anyone who thinks about it- I understand- but it is not the answer.
I have been up for hours and am exhausted before the clock strikes eight. I eye the sink full of dirty items while the dishwasher lies four inches to the left. The house is silent and soon I know the air will be filled with anger.
Walking outside I water the just planted begonias, knowing full well once I leave they will die; much like the limited peace that lies between the walls. I have […]
I’ve been suicidal for so many years, I’m pretty much not even hiding it, yet nobody fucking care, I can tell you that. When I first decided I wanted to end with life, I was like “ok I’m done with life, maybe I can just have fun before I do”, that resumed playing video games day and night, and staying locked up in my bedroom at least I was having fun. Only getting out at night to eat when I know my parents are asleep. This dragged on and on always like “let’s do that one more day”. I live on the day by day […]
There are quite a few posts with the same or similar stories… I am writing very slowly because I am not sure whether I should. Â But I probably am searching for consolation, which is an intelligent thing to do, I guess. I have not yet attempted suicide but I think of it too much. I do cut myself sometimes. And that is when someone hurts me really badly again and again… and again. Ironic that instead of trying to heal, I hurt myself even more…
It is because of love, that has always been only depressive for me. I have never had a boyfriend. I have […]
I hate being alone all the time. Â Especially now. Â I’m kind of drunk, so I’m actually kind of in a good mood. Â Well, good might be a bit of an overstatement, but it’s like I can pretend to be okay and I just wish there was someone to hang out with me and be silly drunk with. Â Bonus points if they’re a cute girl I can make out with. Â Haha.
I miss having friends. Â Real friends. Â Even if one of my (so-called) friends called me right now, it still wouldn’t be the same. Â I haven’t seen them a long time. Or even really talked to […]
I’m in a strange mood. Â I would almost say a good mood, but I feel that’s misleading. It’s not that my suicidal desires are gone, but that they’re simply pushed back in my mind. Â I know it’s a bad idea to self-diagnose, but moods like this make me wonder if I could be bipolar. Â I feel like my current mood could be described as a hypomanic episode. Â For instance, even though I only had maybe four hours of sleep last night, I feel energetic. I want to go out and do something. Â If I had friends I’d call them up and maybe we’d go to […]