Fear is that feeling you get  that makes you feel helpless, your heart flutters and gasps, well your mind screams to run. Many think of fear as an external cause, where something outside of your self scares you. Little do people know that fear is internal, caused by the feeling of lack of power, you feel weak and powerless. your mind will play tricks on you telling you that you are weak, powerless, even worthless. The mind with fear slowly ether crumples under the strain or stands up to the lies and falsehoods become strong, powerful. One may think you can hide from it or […]
Tag:
Grasp
I hate who I am. I don’t have reason or cause to, except for, I am me. I don’t like it one bit. If there were a chance I could, just for one day, cease to exist, i’d grasp that chance tight and will it to come true. Forget trying to remember how I’m supposed to smile, how i’m supposed to laugh, how i’m supposed to look, how i’m supposed to be. and for a moment, I’ll close my eyes, and cease to exist. For a moment, I’ll be happy, for a moment I’ll be glad to be me. But this is reality, a place […]
I’m not sure I have a grasp on reality. The only things  I know are my feelings and its hard to see events objectively.
I know that I was in love, I mean real unconditional love…for 10 years. The sound of his voice soothed my soul and being around him made me happy. i know how i felt about him terrified me.   And I know he went away. I know I was on medication for years afterward because I dreamed about him every night and somewhere deep down inside me my soul groaned endlessly – like a demon in hell. The suffering was unbearable and no comfort came. I […]
An apex of happiness exists, but that point is far beyond my grasp. Every little hunk of happiness I have ever experienced has either been broken down or snatched away from me. I can’t keep it together, its just not within my ability. This world you have constructed wasn’t meant for people like me. I fall into a niche and all that happens to us is misery. We are the people who’s company you enjoy, but also the people you take advantage of, and the very same people you scoff at simultaneously. My relationships fall apart and I finally understand why: I don’t deserve any […]
The tears they fall unfiltered and pure
Pouring out pain that nothing can cure
Tumbling, cascading like the waterfall
The vivid mark of agony’s call
Those salty drops of feminine curse
Trapped under weight, day by day growing worse
no one to catch them, no one to see
No one else lost in this hell-hole but me
Screaming in terror at the walls closing in
Dropping to my knees, my head starts to spin
Feeling the rage within growing stronger
What in the hell have I done that’s so wrong?
The quickness of breath and tightness of chest
I have endured through it all, gave […]
I know none of you want to hear this and I presume most of you will not listen to me but please try. Im begging you, do not give up. Death is not an answer. Suicide is the easy way out and shows no stength. You need to hold on. There is people who care about you and if not, I care.. Life is precious and there are hundreds of thousands of people who die every single day who didnt want to, who chose life but got it ripped from their grasp without a choice. The most selfish thing you could do is to kill […]
I hate living but I’m too afraid to die. I hate myself for it.
by HangedKiller
written by HangedKiller
Hi, I’m HangedKiller, and this is my story.
Obviously, HangedKiller is not my real name. I don’t know why I’m talking about this on the internet, but there’s something screaming inside of me.
I attempted suicide by hanging the summer of 2009.
Asian families have no room for your opinions or your dreams. I became accustomed to the ‘sit down and shut up’ routine.
Becoming used to being nothing is so horrible.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t live up to their expectations. No matter how much I lived for their ideals, it started falling apart in sophomore year of high school. I was a 4.0 student until then, and then depression hit […]
It’s the loss of control
No, it isn’t giving up your motor functions. You can move, you can talk and you can open and close your eyes; but open eyes see a hostile world that tolerates its own crumbling demise, but not yours, and closed eyes see the slanted razor you most certainly think will take the pain away. Move, if you wish, but wherever your legs carry you, your shame and guilt, your self condemnation will follow at your heels, eating away at your resolve and desire. Speak, my friend. Speak, but only what they want, because anything but is a pretension of higher knowledge […]
A darkness has fell upon me,
One that has an insatiable hunger for my soul,
It’s been feeding on what happiness i have,
Draining the hope i have for it to stop,
Guiding me to unknown places,
With temptations of opportunities to feel better,
Food has lost it’s taste,
I have no appetite,
Sleep kills the high,
I had worked all day to reach,
(I feel sick…)
This darkness is consuming me,
Taking a firm grasp on my mind,
Making me more vulnerable,
The darkness,
it knaws at your thoughts,
injects you with it’s drug,
tears the flesh right from your bones,
After it has had it’s fun,
When […]
I am extremely tired. Happiness keeps teasin me. Everytime it feels like its finally in grasp and my lifes going to be ok, it slips right out of my hands. Somebody I thought was my friend screwed up my relationship a while back. We never got over each other. I still like him alot. My boyfriend now, doesnt make me alot happier. We only see each other literally maybe three times a year so we just text. In the middle of the convErsation he’ll leave without explanation…yay. Then he acts like it never happened. I flirted with my ex and sccidently went a little too […]
To all who’ve loved me.
i leave this is in wake of my soul, as it has left my body.
I give you my utmost apologies, that i know will never suffice for the loss or troubles i’ve given you, in my life and in my suicide. I would not leave a note if it weren’t for the urge i feel even now to assure you that it was by nothing you’ve done, that i’m leaving my life this way. To my family and friends find solace in the fact that were it not for you, i would not have even made it this long. You loved […]
This has no specific age range but is directed more towards those who have not yet been free to make their own decisions.
I want everyone who wants to to live. Especially you my little brothers and sisters. Because you have not yet been able to live your own lives. Have not yet been able to freely choose anything outside the limits placed on you and the strong influences upon your minds and emotions. From your posts many of you have an amazing and solid grasp on life and that would be wasted by you dying and not being able to enrich yourselves with your talents.
Many […]
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I…?Â
Insecure
Self destructiveÂ
Afraid to grow up
Nervous
Delusional
Crazy
SchizophrenicÂ
Proud
Dissociative
DilapidatedÂ
Narcissistic
Misaligned
Inoperable
Anorexic
FailureÂ
DisappointedÂ
Nostalgic
ConflictedÂ
Non-committed
Addicted
Afraid
Fearless
Normal
Perfect
Relentless
Depressed
Suicidal
Genius
Mad
Insane
I am!
There is something wrong with me!
I want to be committed to cure my ailments. I am of clear thought of body and mind for all pertinent matters. My fear of seeking help is loss of respect from my family, social status, future, but most of all, my 2nd amendment right to bare arms. I shall stand naked holding my weapon of choice and I will […]
I would start with a bit of information about me (age, interests, blah blah blah) but that is just ego and unimportant, lets get to the reason i’m feeling this way.
I feel so caged and alone, i have no friends, my only family member is my dad, i have no love interest in my life as i seem to always push most females away with my “clingyness” but people just won’t grasp that all I want is to be loved and cared for, if I meet a girl I like I treat them like a princess, like they are the only thing on this planet… […]