Hello. I have less than 1 week left in school. I can’t seem to stay still. Going to a place full of people like school is agony. I hate it. I got to get away. I can’t stay still. Every time I look around, I see people having a great time and spending it with others. I understand that I am alone. I just don’t want to show up to a place where it constantly reminds me. This restlessness has extended at home as well. Even in my room I can’t sit still. I want out. It’s driving me insane. Like I need to be […]
It appears as though I may have mislead some of you. I apologize. It was never my intent to represent myself in a manner in which would deceive any of you. So here it is, the honest truth….
I am not Steve Buscemi. He’s a great guy from stories I’ve heard. My avatar is just a great picture of him. Actually I choose that picture because the character ” crazy eyes ” is notorious for not visually seeing well. I think that represents me fairly. I tend to overlook obvious faults, not out of compassion, but because I simply don’t notice them.
Well, I’m not as brave […]
Good night everyone.
Wishing you a great rest of your day/night with a picture of my town, here in Florida.
You may not see me too active in the next few days due to work but please do reach out if you’d like:
Email: suesyd . nomore at gmail . com
Facebook: Suesyd Nomore
Shrouded in black and enveloped in shade. Cutting white noise and chronic scenes of anguish jolted Alvan awake into a reality of full dark, all pitch no stars. A gnawing silent tooth ache of the mind begging for acknowledgment. A validation into being eternal. He anxiously looked around hastily as he reached for his sword only to find his sheathe had been taken from him and his horse, Silver Dart, was nowhere to be found. He managed to keep his panic at bay until he felt a jarring compulsion to nurse a searing pain in his knee and to his dismay his hand went right […]
To my father:
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. I love you.
To my mother:
I’m sorry I couldn’t your get acceptance.
To my sisters:
You are absolutely strong. Great mothers to your children. One day you will all make the man who chooses you very happy.
To my brother:
My closest friend. My confidante. The bond between us is something that can’t be broken. I will miss you brother.
To my daughter:
I love you. I wish more than anything that has ever been or ever will be how much you mean to me. You are my miracle. A promise to you that I would never stop being here for you. One […]
I get ignored just like usual. If i want to go out anywhere or do anything I just seem to go by myself these days. If i go with family members it just turns into one huge screaming match by the end of it. I know my sis is graduating high school and that’s great and all… But it feels like if i say anything people just get irritated and annoyed. I’m trying to stay positive and happy with my music and thoughts but i know i am slowly slipping. The guy i really like. we have so much in common and weve been friends […]
The artist name is pierre-alaine D
Have a great day, night, morning, whatever
The only two friends that i have in college do not speak to me anymore.
I really liked them as my friends and i build a great friendly relationship with them but I’ve been noticing some strange behavior from them.
My two friends are guys and i’m a girl.
Anyways, we are all in the same class and I’ve been noticing that when i have a conversation with one of them- the other walks away.
And For example- we wrote a script individually for the class we are in and i asked both of them to be in it and one of them ask me […]
Stepped over a ledge today without a hit of self preservation instincts(survied, the fourth time I’ve failed at dying). No butterflies in my stomach, no sweat in my hands, I simply no longer have any fear of death. Then it occured to me: if i dont have any fear of dying why should i fear change? So i quit my job, emptied my bank occount, moved, confessed everything i had left to confess. I figure in a month I’ll either have a good life or a great crime scene but for now it seems like killing myself was the one exciting thing i had left […]
I can’t go on living this life anymore. But I also can’t leave. If I died, no one would miss me, but then my parents would divorce. They already were going to when I went off to college. I’d just be speeding up the process, but if that happened, I don’t know how my dad would live. He doesn’t have a great job, no one to live with, and I’m worried. My mom has people to go to and can earn enough money. But there is also the chance that she might commit suicide as well.
All I want is an escape from this world. Is […]
Went back to my high school today for their spring musical. It’s been six years, and I still get emotional about that time in my life. The students did spectacular, indescribably so actually. I was so impressed. And then I had this moment, and it was almost like I could literally feel something shifting, breaking in my brain. It was all I could do to stand up or keep from crying. Good thing I had to leave early to get ready for work tonight. Six years, and so much has happened, and yet, I have made absolutely no progress. I really am so hopeless. Death, […]
i’ve been having a very difficult time lately. i have a lot of health issues both mental and physical and they’re finally catching up to me. it’s been very difficult holding on, but even more so now than before because my family is now explicitly honest about how they feel about my condition.
my health issues have gotten to the point where i can’t work. i can’t function on my own anymore. i am a burden. i’ve been in the gray area of suicide since the age of nine and i’ve only been open about it in the last two years. it’s gotten worse. everything has gotten worse […]
this has been the most emotionally exhausting day of my entire godforsaken existence. I don’t know what to do or think anymore, I’m just crying and crying. I’ve got the absolute worst headache from having 5 hours of sleep and 4 hours of crying. This just fucking sucks ass.
I had to call my mother and tell her I’m self-harming. She says she thought I was the one thing she got right in her life, but apparently I’m not. So, great. Fan-fucking-tastic. I have ruined my mother’s life and all this without her even knowing I’m suicidal. she asked why I would even tell her if […]
I just got the message, from my ex, she want’s to go out for a drink with me tomorrow night!! I still love her, so that’s great right ? so why em I posting this crap here?
Well it is not great, this is not fucking great at all. And here is why :
we have been together for almost 5 years, and she have break up with me 2 months ago, 3 weeks ago she had told me she have meet someone and that they are dating for few days now. But 2 weeks ago I have found out she had been cheating with this guy […]
I’m sitting here in the dark, listening to the rain. It’s been raining a lot lately in the past month or so. I remember a few years ago the river flooding in low lying spots and coming within inches of flooding over the train track bridge. I don’t mind this rain at night or when I’m sleeping but during the day when I have to function it about kills me. I am not very tolerant of the cold and lately this has felt like an ice cold rain. There was one night in February I had to catch the bus home from work in an […]
So like every time I put on make up I end up crying it all off. Why am I crying today well it started off ok. The house was fliped the girl I live with refuses to clean the bathroom properly but whatever. Im crying because it my fucking husband mother fucking birthday and I have barely any money to buy him somthing . but keep in mind I the spouse that makes money. He buys me somthing with my money in his pocket. Or he brought what ever it is on a credit card which I pay …won it at the casino my […]
Went to the shop to get milk and some alcohol, to make some pudding and drown my sorrows. Got me some vine but I see that I can’t f#cking open it.
Besides that I just wanna f#cking die since a month. I really don’T want therapy, I don’t want to feel happiness, I enjoy my pass-time activities but I am not happy, even when I had my first girlfriend I was apathetic and didn’t feel anything.
Every time I am at my parents house, the gun locker laughs at me, I could just end it all, go to the forest and bang.
I’ve been struggling with my depression for years but it’s never gotten this incapacitating. In the past year I’ve spiraled downwards, anxiety striking every chance it gets, invasive thoughts running wild any time I wasn’t able to distract myself. The only thing that kept me sane has been my girlfriend. The most amazing, down to earth, just perfect person I’ve ever met. I was ready to marry her, I’d give my life for her. We were doing great (or so it seemed to me) until spring break trip where I was forced to go with my family and have the worst time id had in […]
I have an English class at 8AM 3 days out of the school week. For the last 10 or so minutes I’ve been sitting outside the door trying to decide if I should go in or not. I actually like writing, and I was especially looking forward to working on the last essay, which is essentially a reflection piece with yourself as the main source. The professor’s a really great guy, too. He’s really understanding and wants all of his students to do the best that we can. But I’ve only completed one out of the four essays that we’re supposed to be doing, and […]