i’m very sad, half  the time i don’t even know why. I feel like it’s the things i do or the things i’ve done, also that maybe it’s my parents. I want to try hard at everything  i do but i feel like i’m incapable of doing well. People say mean stuff about me, about my hair, the way i dress, my personality, everything about me basically. I feel like no one can understand me, no one gets what i feel inside. I’ve been like this for almost 3 years, i’ve been trying so hard to fight back my urge to commit suicide, even though […]
Tag:
Half The Time
all of my “friends†couldn’t care about me and recently i’m realizing that. i lost one of my “closest†friends last thursday because he called me a self-centered b**** and claimed he’d been there for me through everything and i hadn’t given a f*** about him once and never did for anybody. for once, i actually stood up for myself and told him that he was wrong and that sparked things. now we’re not talking.
i miss days from school a lot too and not once has anyone asked in the past few months where i’d been or if i was alright. they don’t even care. […]
Eleven years. It’s been eleven years since I’ve had control over my emotions. Since I have felt any sense of normalcy or joy.
Medication after medication. None of them have worked.
Electro shock therapy. Gave me six months of relief before I relapsed, and my psychiatrist is convinced that the habits and anxiety and addictions that I never used to have before the ECT would have happened anyway. When I went through the treatment, I had no memory of anything for months straight. I forgot how to drive, where I was half the time, and each session was nightmarish.
Speaking of my psychiatrist, since I’ve started seeing him, […]
(I posted early, I know, but I didn’t fully express everything, it was a tad too vague since I am paranoid of exposing myself to most people.)
I am currently in a rather rough situation, I would love to know how to cope with all the things I deal with on a regular basis. I realized last night I really don’t know how to cope with anything, seeing as I lock everything away, hide behind a smile that no one can see behind since I am so good at hiding, or I obsessively cut myself, overdose on meds (Over the counter or prescription), do anything excessively […]
I used to be this happy little girl who only saw good in the world, nothing could keep me down. Now its like the smallest thing makes me want to pop a bottle of pills… maybe its because it all builds up. My mother has said so much about my weight, along with others, that everytime its mentioned i want to go purge. When it comes to people i dont even know anymore. I dont want to be alone but sometimes i dont want to be around others because i know that half the time people wont be focusing on me. I dont see point […]
I always find my self contemplating suicide at least four times a week.  But the weird thing is i’m one of the most happy/outgoing people i know i just get into theses moods where i feel nothing.  They last hours sometimes days where i’ll just sit and stare at my fan wishing i was dead.  I’ve tried killing myself twice before by hanging but both times the rope teared i failed to break my neck and only caused severe pain and would black out only to wake up to people trying to save me.
Does anyone else know what i’m going though and have any advice on how to cope with it? […]
I have a great life: wonderful friends, supportive family, Ivy-league education, but I am tired of all of this.
I can’t concentrate on my school work. When I read something, I the words flutter across the page and land in a jumbled mess that I can’t decipher; when I’m with friends, their conversations fade in and out, and I can’t follow what’s going on half the time. My parents, although they don’t wish for anything but my happiness, are always concerned about how I am, which makes me even more stressed and I never tell them how I am really feeling, because I think that […]
I think my brain is all but dead.  I just stare at a screen and my eyes see what they see – but nothing makes it to my brain.  I have no ability to focus and I have no motivation at all.  Half the time the phone rings I dont even try to answer.
life just blows.  ppl may be around me, but i am totally alone.  and i just wanna leave this world.  i need to leave this world
Its hard to put a smile on half the time it feels like I’m lieing to everyone… Well I guess I am anyways so I guess I’m not hurting anyone. I think. Writing here is good but half the time it feels like no ones listening but I know you’re reading this so why don’t you answer? Caues you don’t have the time or you just don’t know what to say? I rather just runaway so I don’t get yelled at so I don’t feel so traped,but where would I go? That’s why I don’t go.
-Kyra
He’s in the process of breaking my heart. Its been over a year, and I love him more than anything but for every high there is a low.
I never hurt myself before you, and now I’m looking for ways to cover up cuts. I know, pathetic.
I was walking home along the road yesterday looking at every car that passes as an opportunity to no longer feel this way.
We’re still together, but need time apart? I feel like I’m gonna lose you to someone else, and I know that you don’t even treat me right half the time so why am I so […]
Okay so everyone always wants to know what my problem is, why I feel this way or why I seem totally unable to make things better. But for fucks sake they don’t know me, or my history, so they’re in no position to judge! The fact is if they did, they’d probably understand why I want to die as badly as I do. And trust me it’s such a long, sordid and sad story that half the time I wouldn’t even know where to start or how to explain. Sometimes I look at the way my life has turned out and it makes me fume with […]
I’ve been this way for years now. Antisocial. Never the popular guy. Kind of a hermit, I keep to myself. I’ve dealt with depression and feelings of suicide before, but they eventually went away. In the last year though, I’ve really gone back downhill. I’m living alone and I lost by job back in December. That kind of deflated me. For the last year, I’ve been employed for maybe five or six months and for the rest of the time I’ve been jobless. Nothing inspires me. Any job I ever work is thankless and uninspiring and I find myself depressed even when I DO have […]