therapy sessions are getting heavy. considering hypnosis to look into possible abuse. i have been using pot to numb myself-trying to escape from myself. thinking gets me in trouble-the more i think the more i believe the abuse happened. it is scary to believe. opening pandora’s box. i don’t know if i am strong enough to handle what comes out of this. i think about suicide a lot. thinking about other means to an end. the gun option would require a little work. but there are other possibilities within easy reach. there is this feeling of impending doom i can’t seem to shake. been having […]
Tag:
Having Dreams
I swear, Trevor is either bipolar, a liar, or just weird. He goes and says that I’m ugly one day, but then he acts like he likes me the next. Today, he was talking about me to my friend Bailey. This is what they said : Trevor: Hey, do you know that girl named Courtney? Bailey: Yeah. Trevor: She smells better than she usually does.. Â So, yeah. Weird. I don’t know whether to take offense to it or not because it’s so weird. Seriously. I mean, he may be saying that I used to stink. Then again, he might be trying to compliment me, […]
I ve tried hard to forget the fact that i am alone,i keep myself busy during the day with activities like reading,sleeping and browsing the net..but all this shit dont change nothing.cus the moment i step past that big iron gate to get to class,i begin to realise just how ugly and lonely my life is..my elder brother’s wife once told every one that i am a parasite.so i ve stopped asking anybody for financial help.i slowly fell from miserable into something worst.i am in college right now.and seeing my course mates happy,living the good life,going out for dates,using nice cars and phones.always reminds me […]
i get that i’m young but still… i can’t believe you pressured and hurt me that badly so i’d give up the o0ne thing i’ve wanted for years. I’ve planned.. I’ve Prepared… and you said you were ready.. then changed your mind? how is that fair to me… i keep having dreams of being a mom now.. but i don’t have that chance because i gave up their life for you.. i regret it with every inch of my heart and i wish i didn’t. i need support right now.. i’ve already had such a hard life and now i’m even sadder and even more […]
I don’t really know what i expect to happen from doing this. I guess i just needed to find somewhere to let my thoughts be known before they just became to much to stand. I want to die, sometimes i think i know why other times i don’t. I’m not even sure how it started up, i guess at first i kept having dreams and fantasies of me being killed in an accident and it started to slowly get closer and closer to where i am now. I never want to hang out with friends, i can never live up to either my genius brother […]
So, i found this site and thought: Why not share some of my thoughts here? First i must say, that my english isn’t too good, so boring, repetitive and easy sentences will be written here. Now let’s begin.
First some information about me: I am completely healthy, i have good grades even though i don’t study for it and i don’t have financial problems. However i probably have a Schizoid personality disorder. At least i fit exactly to all descriptions you can find about it. Also i am very bad at sports, only moving a bit exhausts me, i can’t walk for a long time […]
I’m trying to be here and be happy but I just don’t know how long I can keep up this lie. I look at the person that really cares about me and feel so bad about lying to them. I’ve lied about a lot and I don’t want to keep lying but I feel that if I tell her what I really have going on in my head I think it would scare her so much she’d be afraid of me. Then just yesterday I did something stupid but she doesn’t know. The other day she asked me if I have been thinking about cutting […]