why won’t the pain in my heart and mind  stop
why must i live in this shell and suffer the days and nights .
why does god keep me lock in this shell to suffer so much
why have i never found love in this life
how can i say good bye to my  only child without hurting her
how can i make them see that I’ve run out of time
why is it so hard to dream the dream of peace
why is it so hard to let go, all i wanted in this world is to  be loved
i am i selfish to want to end this life
. how can i […]
Each day that I wake up I am just adding time onto my pain. I distract myself with T.V , this website and the internet to keep from killing myself. The urge is there. Sometimes I feel this deep rage inside me and a voice screams in my head “YOU NEED TO FUCKIN KILL YOURSELF” and I have to convince myself that the time isnt right now. Why am I lying to myself? I think is just the will to live. My heart, mind and spirit are all at war within me. My heart and mind says its over and this is the end but […]
I am praying that I don’t wake up in the morning. I usually do this each night before I go to bed now. I don’t yet have the courage to end things myself but I keep thinking each day I will get braver. I know why I want to end my life would seem rediculas to many. silly.. but the pain my heart and mind are in is unbearable to me. I do not want to hear it will get better. that I will heal that there is other options or that someone out there cares. or will love me. I can not even begin […]
You ended the silence in my heart, and mind,
I saw love, when I thought I was all but blind,
You are why I stay, you mean so much to me,
I hold onto you, and you do to me, I can see,
You suffer when you shouldn’t, so I feel pain,
You don’t deserve it, but your strength wanes…
Without you, life is hard, and I feel weak,
But I stay, to see you, and hear you speak,
“I love you”, you will say, and I will too,
As I will wait forever, to just say that to you,
You are my strength, and my […]
I seem to stumble on this website at the oddest hours of night.Â
It’s only 4:43AM, and I can’t sleep. This is a self induced insomnia. For the first time in ages I scored Adderall and I felt like myself this evening. All good things come to an end, I’m facing the enviable come down. Maybe it’s my brain reeling from the dopamine flood it just endured. I’ve just gotten to thinking that being a depressed addict is probably one of the worst illnesses in the world. Use to live, and when the dope runs out, curl up and die.
It makes me nostalgic. I miss when […]
I have never in my life interacted with another human who understands how painful my everyday existence is. Â No one understands. Â I’m terrified to even post on this, for fear of being exposed. Â Superficial empathy can be found anywhere. Â It can be found especially easy upon the lips of the proud. Â I have seen too many people “reach out” as a last hope, only to be ostracized and ridiculed. Â People are harsh. Â This leaves only the option of attempting to survive the evening, yet agin, and hope that the deep sorrow becomes numbing sooner than later.
Certainly, I would think, that there is someone out there […]
Please log in to report posts