angry again. why exactly i can’t really say. angry with myself, the world, everyone and everything. blah blah. that is what depression is -right? anger turned inward. self loathing. mind games where you set yourself up to fail. i will never win because i don’t believe i deserve to. i can talk a good game in therapy but that inner cynic is there to remind me of my unworthiness, worthlessness. the cynic is working hard to convince me that life isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. that i have every reason and right to tell everyone fuck you and off myself. the […]
Tag:
Heart Disease
Well, the long awaited Christmas break started Friday and I dont feel any better. My hopes were that with 1o days off from school that i could pull myself together and maybe actually be happy again. I was wrong, of course. Dont get me wrong, Christmas Eve and Christmas were pretty great- probably the only happy days ill have for awhile. Ive basically been hounded by my family about school and grades (the cause of my depression relapse and suicidal thoughts) the entire break. My mom is putting pressure on me to do well so i can get into med school like i want and […]
Hi, everybody.
I didn’t use to think of myself as suicidal in any sense.
I’m seventeen years old, and I have felt so overwhelmed lately I don’t know what to do or how to cope.
My dad was diagnosed with hypertensive heart disease this year, and he’s been in and out of the hospital. He doesn’t live with me, but I go to his house nearly everyday after school to be with him, because I’m never sure when he won’t be around any longer.
I’ve also been struggling with financial issues with my family, and to top it all off, school has been absolutely exhausting.
I’ve begun to skip classes […]
honestly.
i cannot live this way, with my mind battering me into constant disintigration.
i am living for the peace of mind of my loved ones. they’d be destroyed if i killed myself. or so they say. i think that they’d be shocked (by the unexpectedness of exactly when it’ll happen) and saddened, then grieve, then pick up and continue on with their lives. with what they consider to be life.
my life cannot continue like this. i am finished. i am exhausted.
depression kills. put your family and friends on notice: this disease must be *taken seriously*. we can never ‘pull ourselves up’, ‘snap out of it’… if […]