I have spent countless hours staring at this gun, familiarizing myself with it. I dare say I know it intimately, how much it weighs empty vs with a full cylinder how much force it takes to for the hammer to start to draw back and everything.
I often hold it to my temple, and in my mouth dry firing it. Practicing for the real thing, I have removed the front sight on it making it more comfortable in my mouth.
When I first started doing this I would jump everytime I heard the empty click, I don’t anymore. I can now pick up the gun […]
Tag:
Hesitation
I’ve been visiting this site for the past few days, and have been wondering why. Why am I here? Why am I reading other peoples’ stories? Do I want to post my story? Do I get some sort of kink out of the misery of others? Do I enjoy other peoples’ pain? Do I hope that I might be able to sympathize or empathize with them? Why? The reason I post this now is because I think I now know.
Is there anyone out there like me?
I’ve been wanting to die for six years now and have attempted suicide seventeen times, but that’s not want I […]
I’m So Sick Of People Thinking They Know Everything About You. Saying Everything Is Gonna Be Okay But It Really Isn’t!! I’m So Sick Of People Pretending They Care. I’m Sick Of All Of This! I Hate Living In This World With Shitty People. If There Was A Bottle Of Sleeping Pills, I’d Take It With NOOO Hesitation! So Sick Of Living..
Most of the time I feel permanent. Not like immortal or anything, but more timeless. Fixed, I guess you could say. Because of this, I’m not easily afraid of anything, even death.
Once I was out with some friends at a restaurant. I can’t even remember exactly what was said, but a friend of mine said something that humiliated me in front of everyone. Now, there are a few emotions which my brain simply cannot process and my body simply cannot contain. Shame is one of them. I stood up, walked out, and cold late autumn air immediately began to burn my bare arms. I didn’t know […]
It’s my last day here and I am still treated like shit. And there’s gonna be fighting as soon as I get back to my grandparents because they messed with my room. I fucking hate everyone… I hate my family. I don’t want to be here. My throat hurts after arguing with my brother again. I was only defendding myself. I’m sick of everyone’s bull— crap….. gotta stop cussing…. I’m done I’m done. I wanna get there so that I will feel more capable of functioning knowing I can end it anytime…
If I had had a gun anytime in the past 10 min, I would […]
These are excerpts from letters written by Robert G. Ingersoll that were published in the New York World, 1894.Â
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 “People should not suffer for the sake of supernatural beings or for other worlds or the hopes and fears of some future state. Our joys, our sufferings and our duties are here. After all, death is not so terrible as a Joyless life. Next to eternal happiness is to sleep in the soft clasp of the cool earth, disturbed by no dream, by no thought, by no pain, by no fear, unconscious of all and forever.
 The fear of God, of Judgment, of eternal pain will cause such believers […]