Live fast, die young, and leave a good lookin corpse. That’s the way we always lived our lives growing up, some of us succeeded, some of us ( like myself ) didn’t. Oh I lived fast, ( still am ) but I didn’t die young, and let’s face it, the GOOD lookin corpse things went right out the window years ago. I grew up and still live in Detroit. Growing up we didn’t have anything but that didn’t matter cause we really didn’t need anything, hell there was no such thing as cable, or video games, we had hot wheels, the girls had their Barbie’s , and our imagination. But from a early age I’ve experienced death, kids in grade school, friends in high school, the first time I witnessed a death first hand I was 15 and came out of the pool hall and some guy stared at me and a friend of mine and then proceeded to pull out a gun and gave himself a new set of holes in his head, and as a few of you know here I ride with a M/ C so I’ve seen more than my share of friends die in the Biker world, starting in 2001 until present I have lost my wife, my father, my mother, two really close cousins, my son, a friend of the family that I raised as a son, a granddaughter, a nephew to heroin overdose in my home, and just recently a grandson. So like I said I’ve always dealt with death differently than everybody else, almost to the point of being cold to it , or to be quite honest, un- phased by it. But now I’m alone most of the time, unless I am out runnin and partyin. And all of these things are coming back to me now, almost teasing me, I swear I see things in the dark, or I think I hear something, but nothing is there. I’m not afraid of anything as far as I’m concerned the only permanent thing you could do to me is kill me, and I’m not afraid to die. But it does bother me in the sense that it’s happening now, now that I’ve lost everything including my job, and my home. I haven’t been the best person in the world but I’m far from the worst. Am I being punished for something I did a long time ago ??? And if so why not everything all at once, why spread it out over a 15 year span ultimately ending with me losing everything including my pride ??? I’m just venting again causing writing down my thoughts and the questions that I have at any given time and being able to read through it is well therapeutic to me in a sense. But I think I’m now.
my husband asked me last night if I wanna go home ….when I said yes he did something really shocking and said OK he will talk to his mother and he will try to go home …good right …BUT…..wait for it………I will have to see what mom says OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS he can’t just tell hiss mother were going home after his birthday can’t do it….OHHHH and here’s another good one we might have to go back to FLORIDA because his car is there and its a hassle to get a shipper what dose he wan’t to do drive home in his two person car ….what I just don’t know no more and I still don’t have a phone .
another thing is I am not a morning person I do not like people or mornings …so I realized if I want ease in the morning I will have to be up at 6:30 am just for me to be ok for when anybody else wakes up …so mother in law loves to aggravate me in the morning now I hate this woman so much if she breathed to loudly I get pissed . and she leaves her room a mess and her clothes in the washer and dryer if I were to that I am the most fucking filthy person on this planet, so she gets mad me today why is my stuff still left the washer one ***** you left your stuff in the dryer …two it’s not my stuff so go fuck your self . it five minutes to 10:00 am mst and she yelling and I wanna die ,already cut my self i can wear longs sleeves because well it’s cold as fuck OHHHH one one more thing I cant go to Utah the got Evicted so fuck me I need to go home look for my own place because I know there won’t let me keep the place we have now …..
ive been working my ass off day and night, 7 days a week non stop. It has lead me to a place of isolation from my friends and family. So i get up today and go to this school thing for a project and I came home at 5pm- and at this time i hvent ate anything and was feeling sick from exhaustion . so im in the kitchen and theres nothing to eat. i ask my dad for 5 bucks to got get a sandwich or something and this is where i get confused.
-He tells me, why the fuck would i give you 5 bucks to go eat when you are too lazy too work.
-so i tell him, where do you think im at when im not home for 13 hours a day????? im at school working my butt off.
-and he says, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Working? HAHAHAHA, school is easy. when i was your age i had a job and went to school.
-keep in mind he never finished highschool. and i go to stanford university.
and yes i dont have a job because i dont want it to affect my studies or delay my graduation day. but am i really that lazy?
I guess he’s right that i dont have a job but he laughs with my mom when i say that ive been working hard. and it hurts my feelings because the only reason im working hard in school is for them. im working hard for that day i can take care of them so they wont have to work a day of there lifes, so thats why i choose to be isolated, to have no contact with friends and family so i can focus on my goal.
-Im the first one in my family to go to a university and i get laughed at because i say its hardwork.
– i never get recognize for my hardwork at home.
only by professors.
Professors always tell me, “Boy your parents must be proud of you” and i just replay with, “They sure are”.
if only they knew….
Anyways at the end of the day i dont argue with them because you cannot change a parents perspective. in there eyes i will always be lazy and stupid. im just trying to fight a fight all by my lonesome. everyone hates me at home. and honestly idk why? all i do is work hard in school and ask for so little like 5 bucks for a sandwich. am i wrong? am i not seeing things clearly? i would really like to know.
kuz idk what im doing wrong in there eye.
Why am I with people I hate .
Why Am i in a town with no prosperity?
Why am I killing my self for the selfish people?
Staying with a husband….no a llittle boy who is just as selfish.
I am alone
Why did I do this? Why am i here?
Why? can’t I stop crying
Im so sad, so miserable.
I wake up crying ,I go to sleep crying ..
I want to go home there is nothing for me here or go anywhere with these people …I think I should end every thing
And the worst part is I don’t even OWN a dog.
Anyway, woke up today with a terrible earache, which probably means my ear infection came back.
Hurts to eat or drink anything (chewing and swallowing, ouch).
It even hurts to talk.
So here I am, sitting quietly at home, eating and drinking nothing.
So my family think I’ve either gone completely insane, or I’m on drugs. This energy and hyperactivity hasn’t gone away – in fact, it’s getting worse. My sleep is also next to nonexistent. I can’t slow down my speech, and I can’t stop moving around.
I got this sudden urge to go to the beach, and so I made my stepdad take me since I wasn’t allowed out the house alone – we went the beach at 9:30 at night. And I literally did a karaoke in the car in the way home again – I have also decided I’m rebuilding hospitals to give them all helipads, and I’m taking helicopter lessons as well as going on holiday next week.
We got home and my mum has been saying how manic I am, and she literally turned around and called me Bipolar. Fun. She was on the phone to my psychiatrist the other day – apparently about my medication – but I’m almost certain she’s lying about something.
It’s almost 1:30 in the morning now – my stepdad stayed downstairs and watched a film with me to make sure I actually went to bed afterwards.
I can’t shift this energy, and it’s driving me insane because I can’t do all these things I want to do at once. Oh well.
This post is most likely all over the place and won’t make much sense. But, again, oh well.
House filled with people, Husband a big family…..but I’m fucking alone.
Physically, mentally, emotionally.
l alone no one to talk all ways surrounded by self centered with greater feeling then god kind of people . thats who I live now and I can’t get away from it no one cares. Im tired and really what to go home. just go home. Please some take me home please .
I’ve dabbled at looking at posts on this site before. I have to say there is a lot of strength and a lot of pain by those that post. I don’t particularily know why I’m posting this, I guess I just need to tell someone with an outside opinion.
I’m a Marine veteran who has done two deployments to Afghanistan. I’ve seen some things and done things that will haunt me until I die and the people I try to reach out to never fully understand it. I’ve been out of active duty for over a year now and all I feel is regret. Regret for the people I could have saved, the lives I watched end and regret for the men and women still over there while I sit in a dead end job trying to make ends meet.
I should be happy that I made it home. I should be happy that all the marines directly under my care did as well, but I can’t. I proposed to my girfriend in January and she seems so happy planning the wedding but I feel more and more distracted and detatched. I don’t know anyone but her in this state really. The only contact I keep with my family is a weekly half-hour phone call. The men I knew in the marines are all busy with their enlistments or getting their lives on track so I never seem to talk to them either.
I can’t tell you how often I think of suicide. I wonder if I’ll even make it through the day sometimes. Who would notice or blink an eye at another veteran statistic anyway? There have been days when I’ve had a revolver in my mouth and only took it out because I needed to be at work. I hate sleep, I hate eating and feeling so god damn fat, I hate that I can’t tell my fiance any of this.
I don’t know what pushes me along, I guess it’s stubbornness or fear, but I’m still here, and I’m trying to stay here.
“Sing for me, baby.” He said, “Please, I wrote this song for you to sing to, please just sing to it.”
I stood there and gave him a blank stare. He knew that I didn’t want to, but I promised him about a month ago when he asked.
(Earlier that year)
I was singing to the music we were listening to while I was driving him home from school. He looked at me and said, “You are a good singer.”
I thanked him, but then I was a little embarrassed that he was paying attention to my singing.
He said, “You know I need someone to sing to a couple of my songs, and I would like it if you sang to my songs.”
I was shocked, I wasn’t good at singing. (I was in choir but that didn’t mean anything) but I still said, “That would be fun.” I giggled a bit.
He said, “Really? You would do that?”
I said, “Maybe, I don’t really know. We will see though.” I smiled at him.
He looked at me and asked, “If I wrote you a song, would you sing to it?”
I waited a minute, looking at the road ahead of me, thinking about what I should do. I said, “Why not?” I smiled and laughed, then added, “It would be fun.”
“Are you sure?” He said, surprised.
“Yes, I’ll do it.” I said with slight confidence.
He was surprised and said that he would start writing it that day, and he did.
When we got to his house, we picked out sounds and patterns that I liked and would like in my song. I had to go home but he continued to work on my song for a long time.
(Continuing from the beginning)
I figured I would try, because he worked so hard for this. I didn’t have words to sing. He said that we could work on lyrics, and we tried but got nothing. I said I would write that night and sing the next day. Then I didn’t.
He was frustrated that I was unprepared for something I said I would be ready for. I didn’t blame him. I knew I should’ve been ready.
This went on for about a week. He eventually stopped asking me to sing for him. I really wanted to though, I just felt stupid whenever I tried and messed up.
Now I look back and wish I would’ve just tried harder.
I’ve suffer from anxiety and depression for months after my relative just keep telling me “not to worry and let karma do the rest” about my neighbour from hell next door. Things didn’t get better but escalate for the worst. He never listened to me to be about being careful about those people trying to harm us/seek revenge and it is always better to stay safe than to be sorry. I tried very hard to stay positive and always strive to protect my home from these sort of jerks that try to provoke us with their words, kids playing on our driveway, and petty revenge such as littering or blocking our drive. They simply can’t flick off.
They act all innocent on the outside but when they open their mouth it’s full of bullshit. Eventually, my family installed cctv camera around our home to deter them from parking/blocking our driveway, littering cigarettes, and kids from doing damage to our car. I warned him several times that people can sue over almost anything now a days no matter how ridiculous it may seem but he never listens to me because he is confident that my malicious neighbour can’t do no harm to us. I tried very hard to “let go and forgive” them for all the petty revenge that they had done to us but deep inside I had a bad feeling that they are always there waiting for an opportunity to sabotage us again. I should of followed my intuition instead of listening to the grown up in my family.
The darkest part of my life happened on January 21st, 2015. It was on the day that my neighbour took pictures of our Garbage bin set out on the wrong date that was meant for Recycle. Apparently, I found out in the morning the reason behind it was because we can get a fine over this matter in Canada. ($100, I assume). The guy next door (the one who took the pictures) gave my relative an evil smirk and intentionally chuckle out loud when he saw him outside on the driveway getting ready to go to work. It was like he accomplish something wonderful in life. Meanwhile, when I got home from school his nephew (brat) was jumping up & down in the bathtub next to our adjoined wall and barking. They have been doing that for months once in awhile…intentionally laugh out loud when they hear us go us the washroom next door.
A few days later, my neighbour threaten to sue us (shouting indoor at night) that they can get us fine, arrest and are seeking money from us. The song that can perfectly summarize how I feel about my life right now is: “In The End” by Linkin Park ~
“I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter”
Those obnoxious neighbour that I tried to ignore for months declared it was: “GAME OVER” for us. “How is that even possible,” you may ask. Well, for months they have been secretly recording noise that comes from my relative’s car back-up alarm. The back-up alarm automatically activates when it is shifted into reverse which is why sometime my neighbour would intentionally use their car to block us from reversing out of our driveway (someone would secretly record us outside from the indoor of their living room).
We genuinely didn’t know that you can get fine over “noise” without any warning given by the police. So, we kept using the back-up alarm for months while my neighbour laugh at us for being so naive.
It was no secret to me that I was aware of them constantly have their eye on us watching our every move when we go outside of our house. I had a feeling that they we’re secretly recording us but my relative kept telling me to ignore them which I regret now because he made my neighbour become overly confident and obnoxious after gathering enough evidence against us (EASILY). In addition, it sort of contributed to my sadness when he allowed them to disrespect us and give them an opportunity to be taken advantage of. What is more sad is that I live between them and their in-law house down the street so, they are seeking double the amount of compensation money from us but none of my family members believe me and think I’m over exaggerating this issue. My family still haven’t seek a lawyer for any legal advice.
I read somewhere on the web afterwards that the fine accumulates for everyday that they are being disturbed. My relative had good intention of installing it for safety reasons and you can find/buy a back-up alarm online on eBay or Amazon. For this reason, he told me not to worry and didn’t think it was illegal to us since they also sell back-up alarm at Canadian Tire in our area.
What irritates me the most is that those people are twisting up the story by saying that my family are anti-social and are using “noise as a form of HARASSMENT!!” Ironically, instead of repelling trouble and keeping pedestrian safe from car reversing accidents, it attracted financial leeches in my neighbourhood.
I shed a lot of tears because I felt like it was my fault that I wasn’t able to protect my family from these financial leeches coming after us. I don’t care what other people may say about him because deep down I know he is good and kind hearted person with good intention of installing a back-up alarm for safety. In my opinion, he is very naive and gullible because even if my relative had no intention to sue my neighbours for their past petty revenge of littering and vandalism in the first place – I told him they will always be out to get him. I’m very sad and worried about losing money and our home to compensate these sort of people because I know my relative works hard his entire life and losing everything out of the blue so, suddenly without any warning just made me lose faith in humanity a lot.
I don’t want to see his money wasted to compensate these jerks who treat his home and family badly just breaks my heart into a million pieces. There was also a time when my neighbour picked out fruits from the tree in my backyard.
Overall, my feeling of disappointment and depression came from this story. I had trouble focusing on my studies ever since that garbage incident that happened back in January 2015 and have been striving to get my life back together ever since then. I always feel that there is not many days of freedom for me because my neighbour are a threat to my family well-being, finance and happiness. I found some other articles about someone losing $500K (Their Home) over barking dogs and another article about an ex-neighbour suing a pianist (seeking jail time for emotional distress). Need guidance on this matter because my family refuse to find a lawyer and still don’t believe me even though we still haven’t formally received a letter to get to summoned to court yet. Nothing really matters to me any more…which is why I’m struggling in school right now because I’m worried that my family will get arrested for noise-pollution any day randomly if we ever go to court. I don’t know what the future may hold but I’m thankful for all the wonderful friends that I made in school this year (2016) that made my life meaningful. Through various ups and downs in life, I’ve come across this:
THREE TYPES OF PEOPLE TO REMEMBER IN YOUR LIFE
1. Those who helped you in your difficult times.
2. Those who left you in your difficult times.
3. (And my favourite)Those who put you in your difficult times.
Thank you to the people who took your time to read this long post~! Much appreciated. I’m sorry, that it ended like this but I’m not really use to expressing myself to others. I’m in the process of emotional healing and trying to make each day wonderful although sometime I still cry alone at night and whenever I see my relative’s face (the one that had the back-up alarm installed on their car). I worry about all the hard times that my neighbours can make my family go through since my mother has to undergo surgery soon. I’m very worried about losing money, our home and sudden arrest over noise. I feel very disappointed in myself for not being able to protect my loved ones from these malicious neighbour with evil intent and let them get their way, pleasure for seeing us miserable. I honestly, have a pet peeve of other people touching myself even after I clearly tell them that I don’t like it. I feel defeated, lost, and tired of keeping these demons away sometime. I noticed my body would feel numbness and tingling when I’m really sad or angry. I’ve made my family members worried about my well-being because they are sad when they see me like this. Hopefully, I will get back on track in life because toxic people have been pulling me down and renting space in my head. In addition, my neighbour made malicious comments about me and my Mom being prostitutes even though it’s false. She has an illness and sometime make nausea or vomiting noise in the washroom. Is it my fault that those jerks next door have nothing better to do with their lives than to spy on us? I’m not blessed to live beside them. Those creeps would sometime talk to us through the adjoining walls or vents. They sometime they threaten to sell all of our personal belongings and take possession of our home. I really am so, displease with their behaviour but you can’t control what other people say, think, or feel about you. But, wishing ill things towards someone else life really ticks me. To me, I always see them as my family anti-fan, paparazzi, and are a bunch of pesky flies than never go away no matter how many times you shoo~ them away. Even our security cameras can’t keep them away. They tried to put my family to shame for using a back-up alarm. Unlike, typical beepers, my relative’s back up alarm sounds like an ice cream truck. There’s also a bird-chirping back up alarm and talking back up alarm sold online (depending on people preference). I’m really disappointed at my relative for all the times that I warned him to be careful and recall all of the things that I could of, should of, but didn’t do to prevent this. If only I didn’t listened to him and convinced him to remove the back up alarm sooner they wouldn’t have an opportunity to sue us. He and my family made me doubt my intuition because why would they waste their time following us around for months just to record us?
TALKING BACK UP ALARM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aFizlXs-7U
My neighbour’s kid in a nutshell is like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k6MLy1fb58|
Just had a nice sweaty workout and I feel nothing but dead inside. I just had to come home and cry right after working out. I like working out, it feels like I have blood running through my veins during that, but afterward there are no endorphins. Nothing makes me feel good. I still want to die, if not more. Fuck.
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Did you ever read Voltaire's "Candide"?
He says live life at Benny Hill freak out speed
Not a quote of what he wrote but a paraphrase
Make it up as you go Keyser Soze
Highlights yes but don't underline 'em
Just live for N.O.W. like Gloria Steinem
Life is like Marion Barry
It's not all that it's cracked up to be
Like Fred Sanford when the big one comes
Find the meaning of life is there is none
It's twenty-four hours when you call it a day
Be Frank and say "I Did It My Way"
Don't give a flying nun no don't give a Gidget
Just have more fun than a well-oiled midget
If life were picture perfect you could frame it
But the world is a diaper so let someone else change it
Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone
Might as well enjoy the ride, take the long way home
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
All born equal unless you're Canadian
Then halfway through decay like Uranium
You define what's death-defying
Get the most out of life or at the least die trying
Are you Evil Knievel jumping a train?
Or running with scissors like Frasier Crane?
Have really good times doing really bad things
'Cause the show ain't over 'til the fat lady sings
Like Elton John with his candle in the wind
It's hard to blow out a flame as big as him
But we've all got to Wang Chung with the Grim Reaper
Whether you're Einstein whether you're Beaker
Death is certain so it's definitely worth flirtin'
Don't expect a bright light no just curtains
Life is like a penis most people don't know it
But most people suck so they usually blow it
Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone
Might as well enjoy the ride take the long way home
Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone
Might as well enjoy the ride take the long way home
I said that's enough!
I am so disappointed in myself… last week I finally seemed to get a grip on my Psyche but nope.
This morning the voices and the doubts and the fear crashed back into my consious like a Bulldozer with airhorns.
The laughter, taunting and insults returned blarring in my head… it is so loud. I can’t eat or drink, I get sick from it.
Thanks to this I tried on a large plastic bag to see if it was suitable and to remove any anxiety once I hopefully get the strenght to fucking end this shit.
Talking with friends pushes them away each time. Shit, I lost a promising relationship over this because they had enough of my “Problems”.
Can’t stay home on sickleave either. It is not a real Problem in the eyes of many… I just have to endure it like everyone else.
I’m on the verge of crying. I feel depressed, I feel lonely and I feel heartbroken. When I really need them they aren’t here for me. The one who’s even been helping me isn’t even messaging me.. It makes me angry, It makes me frustrated to see he has time to communicate with my sisters but not with me. It makes me feel like I’m a total loser. It makes me feel regret for even liking him. He seems more interested in my sisters than he does of me. Seems he’s just keeping me company out of pity. It’s making me feel like killing myself. I wish I was home in my bed crying to get it out and over with. Guess it will have to wait till tonight..
I’ve made some bad choices. I have a kid that I love with the wrong guy. We have been in a nasty custody battle for five years. The custody battle really started after I tried to kill myself. My son was with his dad at the time, and that was enough to declare me unfit.
I think I am unfit. He is coming for a visit today, and all I want to do is sleep. I can physically feel that hard core depression, that I have known since I was 11 years old, trying to burst out of my abdomen. That’s where I feel it.
I remember when I was 11, my aunt wanted to take me to the circus. I didn’t want to go.
I also drink a lot. I think that also makes me unfit. My son gets scared when I pass out late at night. He does not have a regular schedule, so if it is 1 AM, and he can’t wake me up, he gets scared. He calls his dad, and he leaves. I’m scared also. He only comes for day visits now.
Another bad choice that I have made is that I took a new job about a month ago. I had worked at a hospital for 6 years. I got recruited to do the same job but for more money and to do it from home. I took the job and it was a terrible decision. I work for hospitals to get them caught up, and then the recruiter finds you another place to work. Right now, all of the work is done, and I’m between hospitals.
So, for the last month, I have barely been out of the house. I work. I listen to podcasts, and I drink. I have a husband, but he travels during the week. He’s gone right now.
I’m exhausted. I’m 45 years old, and I’ve been fighting and giving up since I was 11. I’ve had a hard, painful life like everyone else.
Yes. I am selfish. I want this goddamned pain to stop.
I know that I have a son. I know that I have a good husband. I have friends and family that love me. So, I’m stuck. I’m selfish. I’m a shitty mother.
My “baby daddy” has remarried a very nice person. She works at the hospital where I used to work. She has four other children. She is a good mother. She has pretty much taken over. I skype visit my son, and see him 3 days a week. He is home schooled. I don’t want him to be home schooled, but that is not up to me. I gave all of my rights up when I tried to escape the pain to begin with. I did that.
It is my fault.
I’m on the edge of brink of despair. Confined within these four walls. I silently whispered a prayer, for the underdog of death to take me home.
I’ve realized that I never truly introduced myself to the people of this site and I feel like I should explain what people see on the outside of me, rather than my extremely dark and weird mind that I see. I’m not afraid to get personal on here.
Well here goes: HELLO 🙂 lol
My name is Emily, last name doesn’t matter, I’m SO CLOSE to 19 years old. I live in the great white north of Canada, jk, It’s pretty ugly. Here’s my story, and how my life went wrong, my life started out as everyone elses did. When I was 7 years old, my parents got divorced… it was nasty and ugly and I ended up growing up too fast because of that. By the time I was 10 years old, I acted like a 16 year old. My life was really difficult after that, my mom didn’t take the divorce well, eventually she got really sick and could no longer work at her job, didn’t work for like 4/5 years so it was brutal living with her constantly never having any away time.
Here’s where shit hit the wall, when I was 14 years old, I got a really bad concussion (I was a figure skater) and I ended up with Post- Concussion syndrome which left me with: Severe Depression, Anxiety and ADD and a completely different personality.
So fast forward a couple years into highschool and I was actually bullied by a teacher, which sucked lol, so I ended up having a really bad mental breakdown, missed 3 semesters of school, 1 each year since grade 10, and had no hope of graduating on time. *Surprise* I did graduate with my class due to my stubbornness and my OCD of being on time lol.
SO now we hit the summer after graduation. Shit between my mom and I is intense, fights constantly, me trying to rebel against her. She is a very controlling person and I had a HUGE list of things I wasn’t allowed to do. I turned 18 in April so I started to really try things my own way. Unfortunately, I had recently broken up with my bf of 2 years and started to sleep around because … well why not I thought. She caught on and lots of ugly names were thrown at me.
This is how my life changed. I stayed out really late with a guy I was seeing, didn’t come home til 4am. My mom had locked me out of the house, and it was pouring rain now. To make matters worse, my phone was at 1%. My mom didn’t let me in the house until 6am and I was completely soaked. So Obviously I’m upset and angry but depressed as hell, she yelled at me for 2 hours straight until she left for work at around 8am, by this point I’m a wreck, what did I do? I OD’d. A lot.
I fell asleep for about 4 hours, woke up and was insanely sick. I could not stop throwing up and was a white as a ghost and my heart was going a mile a minute. This went on til about 6pm. My mom finally came home, her first words when she walked into the house was “Get the fuck out of my home.” No joke. She figured out what I had done and (this is the complete truth, please don’t think I would ever make this up.) she yelled at me a lot more, grabbed my phone from my hand and this made me mad obviously so I tried to get it back, she slapped my across my face, put me in a head lock and attempted to throw me to the ground. I got out of it and ran out of the house grabbing my shoes. She chased me and hit me in my driveway, I threw my shoe at her head.
My mom is really insane, she called 911, told them I was being violent and was insane, so the police and an ambulance rush to my house, I was handcuffed and removed into the ambulance, where I had a 2 police car escort to the hospital where security eventfully took over for the cops. Placed in the mental ward, my mother came to the hospital the next day, legit, screamed at me that I wasn’t welcome home anymore and my dad showed up and I’ve lived with him ever since.
Now my life now isn’t perfect but I am much, much happier than I ever was with her. My mood is all over the place but at no fault of my dad or stepmoms. So there you have it. My story. If you made it to the end of this without getting bored af, I thank you.
xo Emily ( that’s me down there lol)
Im san fran but im still so sad so nervous so not ok I still feel lost .
a girl that has been staying with my in -laws says she has made no money in tahoe and she is in depression from the town and is fearfull her marriage will end becuse she is so unhappy .
she said she understood Why I went home and why I left and why Never wanted to go. Wich made me feel better she made me feel less crazy. But I felt horrbile she was going the my hell she took my backlash. I was so sorry, Im scared now .
So this weekend some friends invited me to go hang out and go to the club with them, but it just ended up making everyone pissed off at me. We were hanging out at my friend’s apartment and drinking getting ready to go out and waiting for another friend to get off work which that was all fine. We stopped at a pizza place to eat and by this point I was already really drunk. One of my friends invited this girl I really didn’t like, then she invited more people I didn’t like, because they’re just generally rude people. We were getting ready to leave, but those people showed up and we couldn’t. By this point we had been at the stupid pizza place for 3 hours and it was already 12 at night. I wasn’t feeling good and I for some was really stuffy in the restaurant and felt hot and claustrophobic. I was begging my best friend to leave and just to the club and dance, but they wouldn’t let me go. I stepped outside because I was feeling really hot when they came out and yelled at me and told me I was being a *****. So I went back inside and sat down when they decided to order even more food when I had been begging to leave all night. I told them I wasn’t feeling well but they didn’t listen and told me I should just leave. I was upset and drunk so I told my friend I was pissed at him and left the restaurant. At this point it’s the middle of the night and freezing cold outside and I have no idea where I am because I don’t live in the city. So I try to call a taxi on my phone but my phone isn’t working. So I’m wondering around lost in the cold in very little clothing and no jacket for an hour. I tried calling my friends and they wouldn’t answer. Eventually one of them called me and asked where I was and I stood on the street corner for 45 minutes shivering, in the middle of the city by myself with random people pulling over trying to talk to me. They came and picked me up and I fell asleep in the back of the car and when they got home they carried me into the house. I woke up and asked to go home but they wouldn’t let me go home so I started crying because I was pissed off at them and kept trying to explain to them. Eventually I stopped crying and talked to one of my friends alone and he was nice and understand. The other half of our friends just left and went to the club not very long after I left the restaurant and now all my friends are pissed off at me for being an unreasonable drunk.
Does anyone else get like that? Like most of the time when I drink I’m fine, but everyone once in a while I’ll get weirdly upset and hysterical and it sucks because I’d like to be able to go out with friends and drink and not get like that. I know alcohol is bad for me since it’s a depressant and I have depression, but I still like to drink with friends.
This has been another uninteresting post in the saga of chelle428
So it’s holy week and i’m going home to my hometown and leaving the city for awhile. Ive been really difficult lately, ive been acting mad all the time ad im just so full of spite, i dont like it. i dont like being mean. but im just so mad. i failed school, it was supposed to be my last term but i fucked it up (after dropping out from a nice school and being in college for a total of 6 years and now my younger sister has graduated ahed of me and already has a nice job and a nice car) so my parents have been nudging me to go home and take a break. theyre so nice and understanding, its unnecessary, it really useless on me. but i really only said id go home so that i could be left alone and i decided id like to die at home away from my friends.
so i have a plan, im going back to see my psychiatrist here and im going to get my usual scrip of sleep meds and aprazolam then im going to pick a night when my mom leaves (shes the snoopy one who always checks my room if im asleep already haha, my dad is a heavy sleeper) and its just me and my dad at home, im going to crush all the pills i get my hands on and down it with some wine or something lovely like that, then im going to get a trash bag and im going to tape it around my neck and also tape my hands together so that when i convulse i dont fuck this up and not die. maybe i’ll do this outside the house, i wouldnt want my family to live in a place where i died in. i djust dont want to make it anymore difficult for them. but for now i will just wait for that peaceful sleep. i wont even say goodbye to anybody, whats the point. no letters, no last words. im tired of talking and nobody understanding. i’ll just leave.
it’ll be a few days now til i have that appointment with my doctor, i cant wait. but for now everythings a pain and all im waiting for is having that plastic bag over my head