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hopefully
Tonight is my friends 23rd so were going out to celebrate. I’m excited. Hopefully that will entitle us to some free drinks. lol.
This weeks been rough, but it’s Friday and i couldn’t be any happier. I got a job- which is a good thing, & finished all my work in my classes for the week. So i’ll have a nice smooth weekend.
Another shitty thing that i found out though this week was finding out the reason why this guy i was practically in love with stopped talking to me. He started “Seeing somebody else” . LOL. We were supposed to see a concert tonight that […]
Just 8:30 and im already drunk and depressed. Just took my meds so hopefully i fall asleep soon. I feel like im keeping myself alive waiting for something to live for when theres a million reasons not too. Im really close to giving up. But i might go back to cutting. Id rather do that then get drunk.
I in my screwed up emotional state I’m in now sent some texts to my friend and now she is going to know I’m not okay, hopefully she wont care and will believe the lies I’m going to tell her to cover up what I sent her.
I’m twisting and turning in bed, hardly any sleep. Just thoughts of her constantly flowing in and out of my head, what we could of been, what I should of done – what i shouldn’t of done. I don’t know if anyone here has ever been through this … But I basically replace, she led me into believing we still had a chance, and god I was trying my best, but she planned it so perfectly just to hurt me. After 3 years and a half.. Those memories of us just so meaningless to her , that she can just go and sleep […]
I’ve decided that with the two outcomes of this year I have given myself, depending on how the year goes, I need to move out of state at least halfway through the year. I need to get away from my life here and make a new one if I can. If I can’t, I want to put space between myself and the people in my life. I need to create a barrier to where they will blame themselves less. I will put myself in an area where I only have to occasionally check in with them. I will make a new life. I will try […]
I really need some sleep.. At least an hour. So ima just lay here.. Hopefully something happens.
Today im telling my sister that i need help. Im 22 all my life i thought shit would be okay but its not. Mu battle with depression has caused lots of cuts covering my arms and legs and 3 suicide attempts. Im losing. Medicine just didnt cut it. Life always seem to fuck me over in new ways. Nothingd never okay. So this is my last stand. Hopefully i can get the help i need. Wish me luck.
I know there’s nothing you can do, but I can’t be left alone, my mind is set on self distruct and I’m slowly hindering my body, constant hope constant fall when will she learn, never I supose, will there be an end were I just give up and surrender, or let go of my controls cause I always black out I always choose the wrong answer I just want to know I just want to belive in myself. Today I already made a mistake but I’ll try again. Hopefully this try will finally be Ill do.
High school, a dangerous place for meet mortal teenagers who doesn’t have the looks or requirements to fit in high school. I know the feeling. My story is a little different. It’s not that typical nerdy girl is alone and all of a sudden she gets friends and moves on. No. That only happens in fantasies. I’ll start from the beginning. All through primary school I had friends. Lots of them, in fact. Some how in the 5th grade, I had a best friend at that time who always got mad at me for not doing what she did, obviously for the sake of friendship, […]
I’ve wanted to die for as long as j can remember. I’m 29 and can remember wanting to. I’ve had so many opportunities but am too much of a ***** to pull he trigger, jump, take the pills, ect. And believe me, I want to do it. I just can’t. Hopefully the exit bag will help. Just gotta make it. (I just found this site which lead me to the discovery of the bag)
life comes so easy to so many people. decent people around them. decent grades at school. decent personality. decent appearance.
thats all i really wanted. an average, decent life. i could live with that. but not this life where everything is a struggle.
things do work out better for some. dont tell me nothing good comes easy. the only good that comes easy for me is these suicidal thoughts and plans because they are my only escape from this hell life.
i am back to lying in bed all day staring at the walls falling in and out of sleep. it makes sense that this is how it […]
today is hopefully my last day in this world, i have money now so i can start to prepare everything and do it tonight after work. You are all great
i’ve been feeling worthless. been going through a break down every night for the past week. been googling a “peaceful way” to leave this planet with no avail. been eating bags and bags of candy because im a fat p.o.s. and i cant throw up anymore because my gag reflex is shot. wheres my self control?
i dont know all i can say is that i really am close to killing myself. im really waiting it out because I am transgendered and i have my first appt to hopefully start my hormonal therapy. im HOPING i will feel less depressed, less suicidal now that im going […]
Hello all. 🙂
I tried to keep this short – and failed. I just needed to rant. Not about anything in particular. I seriously need some sleep, so please forgive any bad writing.
Today I used my wheelchair for the first time. It’s on loan for six weeks. Who knows, maybe in that time I’ll get outside more and it’ll help me start to feel less depressed. I’ve been so much worse lately, and I think spending more time in the house and with relatively little natural light has caused a lot of that.
This evening I went to a local light-themed festival. People make installations, play music […]
I can’t breathe, I want to scratch, claw, rub my skin but I cannot. I’m starting to crack open and the uglyness is starting to shine through. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep together this facade of normalcy. I’m breaking down in tears and lashing out at people around me, throwing things, wrecking things.
I’m trying to keep things smooth and yet I’m not sure how much longer I can possibly stay here on this God-forsaken planet when everything inside me is falling apart.
And yet I’m trying to take deep breaths, trying to breathe, trying to hold on to any hint of rationale. Impulsivity breeds […]
This is my first post but I have been reading for a while. I have been trying to fight for years but I am so tired of fighting everyday to never be happy. I obsess over how I’m going to end it and when. I’m afraid of a failed attempt. I am so tired of never feeling good enough, having people walk out on me, and just not caring.
I hate hearing people say to just give it time or things will get better. I am 25 and it never gets better for me. I just want it to be over now. I don’t want to […]
I live in a pretty rural area I guess you’d call it. In the last few months 4 people around here have committed suicide. I knew one of them vaguely from school long ago. I feel like this is a sign telling me it’s ok if I go too. One of them killed himself on my planned death day, the day after my birthday. I wasn’t able to go through with it because my dad had decided to stay home. I know that might be a sign too. The thing is, I could go on, maybe. I don’t think it’d be worth it and I […]
I deserve to die, I was fortunate enough to live in a family with a good income and provide me for anything I pleased. But I did nothing but take advantage of them, lie to them and spend every single day playing video games and occasionally smoking weed while failing school. I am definitely one of the laziest, biggest piece of shits in the world. I am absolutely useless and provide nothing to this world whatsoever. Hopefully in these coming days, I will have the courage to end it, as not only do I don’t want to be alive, but I don’t deserve too either.
I never though that I would honestly feel this way because I thought I would always be happy but I guess not. I always felt upset for some reason. Something would just happen that was happy it turned out to be upsetting when I thought of something different. I mean people would notice anything because they were to selfish and thinking about their stuck up lives and making a reason to make other people feel bad for them which I though was kinda stupid because other people are going through harder times which they don’t understand. I just want to go away that’s the easiest […]