In the midst of …crisis? drama? melt down…I don’t konw whwat. I just think that i’m not doing well. I am thinking about checking into a hopsital. But I’m so scared. I have ajob….what happens when you do that and you are suppose to wokr the nxt day? Will everyone find out? I don’t even want my boss to know. I kind of want to go in the hospital and never come out or just quit my job. I don’t wnat to give up but I dodn’t feel I have the brain for this job…which is to say I don’t have a brain for much […]
When just five years ago I couldn’t even talk and I was in hospitals and here I am like a normal person
having tons of friends on facebook(although I may not talk to them all) im still out there.
I drive a nice car, Thanks to my dad cosigning, I go to school now
even though im super nervous and yea I still go to malls even though its early in the morning when its first open
to avoid people(I used to love the mall) I find what works for me and im okay with that,Im sometimes just happy
to be out there in the […]
the constant thoughts of suicide cross my mind. they never leave i dont feel they ever will. nobody really listens or quite understands my pain, the losses ive dealt with and the constant reminders of those losses. from being thrown in many hospitals screaming behind the lies my parents set before everyone to see really fucking killed me. nobody cared to hear my side and to this day still dont. they dont listen they dont care. i feel as if im better locked away with no worries. or a matter of fact just dead. nobody would miss me anyway i have nobody , they took […]
I like to take things a part. Analyze. When things start to look ugly I want to look away. Disappear perhaps just for a little while. During these times I’m terrified of everything especially Drs and hospitals. So I’ve never stayed or sought out help. I have often found myself growing fond of these dark thoughts. Viciousness seems to craft itself in slow motion for my viewing and I look at it like artwork. I believe that those who crawl up from rock bottom are stronger. To jump high you must crouch low. Anger is funny, sadness beautiful.
Hi I’m Ana.
I made an account because this site looked interesting, and I’ve been suicidal for a long time. So while I’m here, I just thought I’d give you some general information about myself.
-I’m 15 years old, and more mature than a lot of teenagers my age.
-I’m insecure about a lot of things, but one thing about myself is that I’m damn well proud of my body.
-I’m easily angered.
-I don’t share a lot of personally information.
Disorders, Hospitalizations, Self-harm History
(None of these have been self-diagnosed)
Mood Disorder (most likely bi-polar)
SexualÂ Re-activityÂ Disorder
ummmm hello i feel really depressed and I feel like dying…I came out to my mom and she does not like it. my sophomore year in high school is not so great either I go to therapy every week but I still want to die by suicide cutting will not work anymore…I REALLY NEED TO DIE TO ESCAPE MY PROBLEMS. I have attempted suicide in the past and have been to hospitals. The only thing I need right now is someone to be there please help…
I went to open mic like I always do. waited, waited waited. and finally i went up to read my poetry. and hey guess what, I collapsed on the floor. Turns out (these are the doctor’s words) “You need to eat food, without food you’ll die. here have a carrot.” like dude wtf i’m not eating a carrot, I don’t like carrots. bye. sigh being in the hospital is quite fun. I’m just glad I have my phone so I can get on this site. otherwise I would try jumping out the convieniently placed window by the bed. And of course the nurse got all […]
Long term chronic pain is difficult to live with. I’m 21 and I have been in and out of hospitals (medical and psychiatric) for three years. All three I was in university and should have been able to experience the best side of that life. Instead I was stuck inside. Now my doctors tell me I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. I have to see psychiatrists because I have already had two failed attempts. They say I use sleep as a coping mechanism but it is a lot sweeter in the unconscious than it is to wake up […]
Fucking brilliant. I have a tooth infection. Second one in two years, despite excellent dental hygiene (I’ve been a nazi about this stuff since I was 16 and had a prolonged nightmare involving braces and tooth enamel). I’ve had a migraine for two days straight, unrelenting, very little sleep, and now I’ve figured out why. Tooth infections are the most fun, amazing things.
So… probably going to the hospital. Again. I think I should just rip my goddamn teeth out of my head so I don’t have to put up with this shit anymore. They’re more trouble than they’re worth when you don’t have insurance. Either […]
Where Help is an illusion… LewisGale Medical Center
1900 Electric Road
Salem, VA 24153
If you do not have health insurance, you need to know the following before calling a hotline or asking for help.
You may be sent to a hospital against your will. You are placed in handcuffs and possibly shackles. Your life will continue to get worse. Hospitals are businesses and want lots of money. The stay is about $2000 a day, not including doctor fees. You pay more than the negotiated rates of insurance companies. You want to die. A five […]
I’ve never looked completely normal just enough to ‘pass’.
Whenever my limits reared their ugly heads I was called a ‘faker’. Raised before bullies existed.
Raped by a female classmate before there was anyone to tell. Does that really happen between 2 girls?
The only redeemer was a mind that was sharp but then left out because I got moved ahead. Still alone.
An ‘afterthought’ child with siblings moved to be on their own; just an ‘irritant’ when I was around them.
Raised by a couple who were better as grandparents not wanting to be a mom and dad again; just pretending.
Wanting to be special to someone, be loved and […]
I shouldn’t complain about my life.It’s not like I wasn’t hugged as a child or anything. I should be strong like my dad and not complain about anything.I wish I could just stand there and take what life throws at me, but I can’t.And that is why i’m worthless.I know i’m not the first girl to be bullied at school ,to have to experiance death of a friend, Not the first teenager who feels like she is the stupid kid or the first girl in the world to get moslested or the first kid to get pushed around the hospitals phyicatric wards’ system when I […]
I was looking through my deviantart today and saw some old poetry I had worked on up to three years ago and realised that so much has changed, but at the same time, nothing had. I decided to put it here because I’d like to have it in one spot to look back on and remember how far I have come and it just feels right (probably sounds weird). They are in alphabetical order, not chronological and not all of them are suicidal as such (most were written before I realised what it was like to be suicidal), but they all are from the heart […]
I feel sick all the time. From drinking problem to cocaine to meth back to full-blown alcoholism, then it was pills and painkillers and benzodiazepines and now I’ve finally graduated to heroin addict. As l look down at my hands, swollen and shaky and an odd color of purplish-grey…. I don’t know how I got here. I’m only 22 and I need 12-13 hours of sleep per day and so much therapy and alllll my spare time spent in waiting rooms for drs offices and hospitals…. I’m so so sick and I wonder if life would just be easier if I was gone. I no […]
i don’t know why i decided that writing everything down was a good idea. let along on the internet. i guess on here nobody knows who i am and its not somewhere where somebody from my end can find it.
i am a selfharmer/suicidal. have been since i was about 16. i am now nearly 20. it started when my bestfriend died in a car accident. i started self distructing a couple months later. i could not get over her death. then somebudy noticed, a teacher, he threatened to go to the school welfare co-ordinator unless i talked to him. so i chose to talk to […]
first off id like to say i hate everything. I stopped taking meds and now i cant move my fucking arm cause of a stress related disorder.I couldnt walk earlier and now this. I dont know why i stopped taking it it just happened. But for some reason ive gone between super happy then super pissed and now depressed and wanting to die. No im not bipolar. Im psychotic but not schizophrenic. And Im terribly alone ive never been more alone. My two main emotions are alone and pissed off. But i have to keep cool only my close friend knows whats going on with […]
So I don’t want a wake or funeral. Â I want absolutely zero fuss made about my death. Â But I feel bad killing myself and taking all these healthy organs with me… so I think, I know, I will donate them. Â So I had this idea to do it in winter on a snowy day, so my body would stay fresh until I was found…. But it turns out that hospitals/universities/chop shops won’t take suicides… Also, Â if you donate your body to one of these chop shop organ/body donation companies, they dole the pieces out to the highest bidder, making at least $200,000 per body. Â The […]
So I self referred myself to the hospital for being suicidal two weeks ago or so. And I got out today, and I will never ever do that again. Everything is worse now they did nothing but take sharp objects away from me.
My tears are gone,
I have spent so much time filling the ocean,
So that the seven seas,
Who can answer me better than me,
I don’t know how to shout,
So instead I love myself,
Because who else would do it?
I have this infatuation,
And it whispers salvation,
Because I can’t save myself unless I am saving others,
So when my job is done,
Saving becomes a distant plan,
My brain has had time to breathe,
But how did I know that it would be snuffed in the fumes of carbon monoxide and failure,
I am high on disappointment,
Have you ever felt like Peter Pan?
I once flew to Netherland,
And it was there where I learned the […]
Im 22 and have had so many issues over the last 10yrs, Anorexia, Bulimia, Clinical depression, bi-polar you name it. I’ve been in 7 different hospitals and am finally home after a 4yr stay. It seems even though i am home im still petrified of a normal life everything terrifies me. I finding it hard to get a job as employers ask for a criminal records check and mine will show cautions for criminal damage and narcotics possesion (Im not proud of that), even going into town on my own or taking the bus is so god damn scary. The idea of sociaising is so […]