This last week I was trying to be positive and for a few days I even convinced myself I was geting somewhere, forcing things, denying I was going through the wrong way. But I can’t help hurting myself. I always end up doing it. I turn everything against me and then I crush myself with every drop of energy I have. I can’t deal with me, with the things I say, and the decisions I take. I even hurt myself writing here things I shouldn’t. and talking to people about how ridiculous I am, and I say it as a matter of a fact and […]
I’m nearly 50, alone, poor and think about suicide every single day. I work hard, I am intelligent, I have had previous success in my life, but my line of work is extremely competitive and I must battle for even marginal pay. I live in a hovel, have no heating (even my space heater causes my powerstrip to overload, so my electricity is problematic), I work seven days a week and have done so for more than five years now. I have not even taken a minor vacation of one day since December 2010 so I am in my apartment constantly ( I work from […]
I’ve been reading people’s posts here for about a year and it has helped keep me going. (Thank you all.) I never commented or posted but now I think I’m nearing the end and want to get more involved. I have hit rock bottom. It’s a long story but I lost my job and then I decided to quit all my meds last week because I’m tired of living in a fog. I currently feel incapacitated and I don’t know how I will go on. I live alone and I will run out of money soon. I have enough of a lethal drug to kill […]
Getting lost in fantasy is how I get through most of my day. I always imagine myself being a vigilante bringing criminals to justice, a mutant who can walk through walls and a drop dead gorgeous guy who dates lots of hot people ( I am Bi-sexual). Fantasy gets me through my miserable daily existence but the inability to actually live out my fantasies worsens my depression.
In Real life I am an absolute W.O.S. My anxiety is always flaring and it impedes my participation in life as a functional adult. I also lack the knack to be competitive in life. I live vicariously through pessimistic and fatalistic […]
I spend so much time daydreaming it’s like I live another life inside my head. I have daydreamed for as long as I can remember, all through primary school and I’m now in High school (15 years old). It has never bothered me that much in the past, I mean it would keep me from missing a lot in class but I never thought it was really that bad – until now. Now I just feel like I have another life inside my head, at first it didn’t cross my mind but now it’s stuffing up my head. I want it all to stop, I […]
And I aint going nowhere until I feel it’s time for me to go.
I’m more determined than ever to stick to my plan.
I am filled with so much anger and hatred, it scares me. The things that run through my head scare the shit out of me. I shouldn’t be having these thoughts. I shouldn’t be having all these homicidal thoughts. But, they are all I’m holding onto right now. They are what keeps me sane. My head is all fucked up.
I live with monsters. I can see myself slowly becoming a monster as well. They keep poking. Well, I will finally poke them back.
Poke […]
I’m back. Living, and back. I thought by now I would have atleast tried to kill myself. To rid myself of the tortures of life and anxiety and depression. It’s haunts me everyday, and I don’t know how to fix myself, because I’m broken. I’m not happy, I don’t have dreams, I can’t live a normal life. I put on a fake smile at school, and pretend like I’m happy. I try to talk to new people, I try to get them to like me. But I will never be accepted. I’m weak, and broken.
I live in my room, and play the violin to keep […]
I am 38 and have been living with depression for most of my life. I’ve always been told it gets better. Take these pills, talk to a shrink, get help, blah blah blah. After this much time, i can say for a fact that it does not get better. I longer I live with this the worse it gets, and nothing I do or don’t do makes any difference. I just want it to end. I can’t keep going on like this.
So I had someone, who told me over and over they would be here to listen when I’m on the edge, and help me get help that I needed. I needed time, going and getting help during the holidays where I live is next to impossible. Most places are closed until January. I told him that over and over and over. Yet yesterday, he abandoned me. Told me I can’t speak to him until I’m getting help. The help he promised he would be there with me to get. Now I get to do it on my own. Like I told him I was scared […]
I want to die at the same time i want to live. I want to go forever in peace but I want to explore life in different perspectives. I live in hell, and everyday is a battlefield and i want to feel what heaven feels like. I’m craving for some time alone. I want to go to a place away from socialization, i want to walk away from everything even just for a while. Sometimes, i want to live and every moment, i’m searching for peace.
Good morning to all my Christmas goers. I woke up today feeling good actually. Its going to be 80 degrees in Virginia beach where I live so much m pretty sure that means a good day is waiting for me . It usually freezing this time of the year . Apparently it hasn’t been this hot since 1895. So great. I’m probably gonna head to the beach and read some of this book and walk the trails . I’m actually feeling like doing something with my self today .
I can’t believe I’m so frustrated over sausage!! So the people I live with have been super nice and insisted I eat real food instead of live off of ramen. I think I’m gaining weight from not being so starved and having food besides ramen. Ramen is all I can literally afford on my own. But they made sausage in sour kraut 3 nights ago and have had me drooling over it. But then, it was to be saved for the next day. And then the next. And then the next. It’s driving me fucking crazy!! All I want is a god damned sausage! Geez […]
(This is a long post, someone please read.)
My name is Brii. I am 21 years old. My birthday is January 11th. I’m a beauty advisor, and I ust to work at the most popular sucessful bar in town not that long ago. I live in a smaller town in Iowa. There’s not much to do here. Everyone knows everyone here, they all know who you are and what you are before even meeting you. There are good people here, but it’s very lonely no matter how […]
Not sure if anyone has kept up with any of my posts. But back in October a very close relative I live with almost died, she stopped breathing. I had to perform CPR to try and keep her with me till paramedics arrived. She had a very slow and painful recovery and was released from the hospital a few weeks after. I made sure she took all necessary medications and constantly checked on her and made sure she was eating well. I took her out every sunday since then to have brunch at different places that she hasn’t been to. Because I figure some type […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. Each day becomes harder to live through. I keep telling myself to just go through it one hour at a time. How could I do it when I can’t even sit still for an hour?
This stupid sickness is the cause of everything. I wish I could just ask doctors to surgically remove my intestines or something.
It feels like life is putting the joke on me, when I think I’m ready to die, it gives me a couple reasons to live, and when I live through it, it gives me more reasons to die and the cycle goes on.
As […]
I took a nap and had a scary dream. I was in New York City and it was 9/11 , 2001 and I was standing at the bottom and just started running away because I saw the trade center start to come down and I just saw everyone scream and running with me and sirens every where .Holy shit it was so scary. I’m feeling wierd right now because it really makes me angry that like thousands of people died . All these terrorist attacks even today are like out of control. Isis in Paris … Apparently they are in my state Virginia targeting at […]
Every day I wake up with the same thought
Reminiscing about the losing battles that I fought
I remind myself of these miserable pasts
So that I may learn and achieve victory at last
Sometimes I win a battle but not the war
I still go on for what I’m fighting for
But lately I have only met defeat
Making it harder to stand on my feet
Must I give up and accept this fate?
Living in shackles with a heavy weight?
I refuse to live in such a way
But losing […]
(Forgot to post this earlier , saved it as a draft)
Today is like every other day .
i go to class at 7 am get out at 2pm and now I’m at work waiting to clock in.
But today I woke up feeling a little better .
theres no reason why either .
i think it’s because it’s a beautiful day out
I live by the beach and it should be cold right now because winter is almost here but it’s a nice warm day and the sun is out .
it was raining for days and I think it made me sad .
I’m sitting here at work looking out the […]
I’m twenty-year-old female. I live alone and I’m in my 2nd year of college. I’m struggling with depression since I was 12. My mum had depression and I think she passed it on to me. All I think about everyday is how I can kill myself; I spend hours thinking how and I don’t have answers. I don’t have a “bad” life, I mean I have everything, but I’m still not happy. Last year I messed it up. I don’t know how I fell in love with my best friend’s dad, and I tried everything to stop it, but I couldn’t. When his family found […]
I met this amazing guy who REALLY !!!! Likes me he’s only 7/8 years older then me but he is honestly so kind hearted and sweet And has the cutest smile and brightest eyes we have a little bit of a language barrier but I’m in contact with him but I live in 1 county and he’s in the other. What do I do I’m not good enough for him but is that my anxiety and lack of self worth I always say I want to aim for more and he’s everything a girl could ask for I always promise myself not settle like my […]