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Fun & InterestingGeneral

The Internet.

by xxcora
written by xxcora

The Internet.

What a strange place.

What a dangerous place.

You can find literally anything on the internet and I mean anything. All it takes is a simple google search and *poof* over thousands of pages pop up on your computer. I’ve been suicidal for quite some time now and have done hours and hours of research on what’s the best way to kill myself, and it’s amazing that it was so simple for me to find not only methods but how, when, even where to do it. Hell, I’m pretty sure I could google “Where to hide a dead body” and I would get at least a few legit answers. I wonder how different my life would be without the internet or if it would be different at all… To me, it’s just so strange how death can just be one click away.

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General

Read an article that I’m sure many can relate to

by blank-clutter
written by blank-clutter

It’s by one of my favourite internet writers, he always has a good way of knowing the underlying meaning in things:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-ways-you-can-accidentally-become-social-outcast/

For those who don’t want to read it, it’s about how today’s social dynamics abuse and imprison the arbitrarily selected bottom few. It’s mainly about the time of adolescents but I think it explains all stages of life. Because of the way the world works, it needs an amount of people in the bottom for it to function and it doesn’t care how much mental damage this causes those unfortunate enough to be caught in the “shit pit”. It’s one of those harsh reality articles so be aware.

Why am I posting it? Because I’ve been stuck there since adolescents and it has taken a toll on me. Since I didn’t have the proper outlets, it has effected many different parts of my life and has left me a useless shel or a person I am today.

I want to commit suicide because I don’t want to be subjected to this kind of treatment. I don’t want to have a horrible, unfulfilling life because my suffering is necessary for the success of others who would look down upon me.

To this day I can’t believe the social brutality which is allowed to continue.

Does anyone else feel this or know what I’m talking about?

thank you for reading

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Rants

If life was a computer game, I’d hit the reset swicth

by king nothing
written by king nothing
I am sick of my life.  The only thing stopping me from killing myself is my cat.  I have promised I won’t leave him.
I am trapped in a life that I never chose for myself.  There is no way out.  I’m tired of carrying on, day after week after year, with no hope for a future.
I have tried everything I can think of.  Everything I can realistically do.  I’m not depressed.  I’m just tired of my life.
Please, don’t anybody give me the usual bullshit that’s found on the internet.  “It gets better”  Really?  It’s been shit for the past 28 years and *really* shit for the past 20.
I’m no wimp, I can tough out most stuff.  But after all this time, I’m starting to wear thin.  Too much pain.  Too much grey, dull, weariness.  I don’t want to go on existing in this hopeless prison.  With a fake smile on my face, pretending I am coping.
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General

If you’re bored

by lonelysoul21
written by lonelysoul21

So yesterday I read someone’s post that said when they are bored they text “I hid the body.. now what?” to a random number. Well guess what you guys I did it! A random number texted me so I texted them back about the body thing. It freaked them out and made them laugh and I felt a thousand times better. lol. By the way I was just scrolling through the internet and found this cool ass website. Numerologist.com. Go on it, don’t pay, but just do it. It’s so cool I promise!!

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In the mist.

by beaubri
written by beaubri

Of a lenghty e-mail reply. And the Wi-Fi connection to the lap top here decided to shit out. I’ve spent 3 hours trying to type. I’m unable to reset the internet until everyone is done using it. It’s just the lap top is having troubles troubleshooting.

I haven’t showered today. I ate however. Enjoying a beer, listening to clasical piano. My mother has been screaming and yelling all night. I told her something simple and she bit my head off pretty much. And has continued to bite my head of. Jesus woman calm down before I bite your head off. I would have so much to say to you, and frankly you don’t want to hear it.

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General

Living behind a screen.

by DarkTide
written by DarkTide

Why are you always on your phone?

Thats a question I asked myself the other day. In my spare time I am always on it. I eventually understood that this was a coping mechanism. In reality I have this deeping chasm of depression and it hurts, it hurts thinking about how useless I am. I spend some of my days either reading manga or on the internet looking for some form of hope on the internet and when I eventually give up I go on 9gag. I decided I was going to give my phone a break a while back, well as much as I can. I decided I wont live a lie and try and fight my demons without my phone and honestly those demons beat me to a pulp.

I still go on my phone but not as much as I used to. I know this is a cliche and repeated so often but I honestly have no body to talk to on my phone.

I know this for sure the screen has lost its charm. I used to be so captivated by it. The screen used to take the pain and self doubt away but now it helps fuel the fire, because it shows me what is wrong with this world so easily.

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Fun & InterestingGeneral

The internet

by -E-
written by -E-

My parents have always told me to be careful of the internet. That that’s where people steal things from you and commit fraud against you. And in a sense they’re right, but the internet is a two sided coin and they’re looking at the wrong side. I’ve known the people in my school for 12 years and I’ve known the people on Skype for less than 12 months and I trust my Skype friends more. Simply for the fact that I’ve seen people at their best and worst and my Skype friends handled it better. They didn’t run and hide. They cheered the person up. I still haven’t found that in my school and I found that online by playing a game. I found more help here when I was suicidal and couldn’t very well explain it than when I was at a counselors office. True, the internet can be a dangerous place. But, once you look at the other side of that coin, it can be wonderfully amazing.

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General

Feeling Guilty…

by WhatisTruth
written by WhatisTruth

Hi all,

Me and my mom are suffering from various psychological disorders like – anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), etc.

I have learnt a lot about these diseases on the internet and at least I got some idea of how to cope with these disorders.

But my mother.. she does not have any access to the internet, nor does she have any knowledge of the disorders she is suffering from, and hence she is helpless.

I know I should talk to her regarding the disorders and comfort her. But I really don’t know where to start and most importantly, I don’t know what the consequences would be.. She is suffering from these chronic disorders since a long time. She pretends to be normal from outside but I know she has a lot of trouble getting through life. I really want to help her but don’t know how. I really feel guilty because, even if I know exactly what her condition is, I am not being helpful..

Any piece of advice would be really appreciated.

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General

Today.

by Allitends
written by Allitends

Im surfing at internet (sure) looking for any kind of help, but i’m not sure why.. maybe i want help but to tell the truth, i think it’s more about killing time because i really dont believe that i can get helped, theres no words or medication that can change who iam or worse what ive lost.

Cheers

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General

i need help but i will never get it.

by spvnalittlelie
written by spvnalittlelie

since i was here last, things have been getting steadily worse and worse in my mind. i’m lonely as ever, but can’t go outside or talk to people because of my social phobia. i still live in my little shoebox of a room, where i’m on the internet all day, every day, because if i don’t have that connection i’ll be completely alone. all i want right now is love, something i’ve never had. i want a boyfriend. but i’ll never be loved because i do not look like a model, and it sucks knowing this. it hurts to not be touched or anything, it makes me feel like i’m diseased and that i must not be a real person. i have a little over five hundred bucks right now. i’d pay someone to have sex with me or even just cuddle me. but i’m too ugly and there’s not enough money in this world (or any other world).

last night i got real drunk and made an ass of myself. i got in a fight with my mom and woke my dad up, who told me to shut the hell up. this basically sent me flying into a rage. i slammed doors and screamed at my dad that i would kill him. then i cut and bruised my arm. it’s pretty banged up and i won’t be able to sleep on that side for a while. all because my mom was trying to tell me i’m better off than her because i’ve never had anyone, so my heart has never been broken (or so she thinks). i tried explaining to her that i am heartbroken, because nobody wants me. i tried getting her to understand that not having someone to love you is NOT a blessing. and she mocked me.

so you know what. i’m done. i need help, but i’m not going to fucking bother getting it. i should not even exist right now, to be honest. why did i have to be conceived? why do i have to be the misfit, even in my own family? i’d give anything right now to be someone else, someone lovable.

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Family & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveStories of Hope

Met Someone New Today

by Royal_Styles1
written by Royal_Styles1

I use my Instagram account for posting all my poems, quotes, and writings. And so in my post today, I asked whether I should publish the book I’m working on, then this account who had the same theme commented for me to do it and she just started to compliment all my works and I thanked her. Then, she asked me if I wanted to be her internet friend, and I couldn’t be more ecstatic, I’ve finally gained something out of a loss. We just started to share things about ourselves till’ we wrote each other poems about meeting each other. Then she asked me if I’ve had rough days, because my poem was about being broken and her saving me and all that. And despite having people whom I’ve known for my whole life, no ones ever noticed my sadness or cared to ask about it like her. I just felt this connection towards her and I felt comfortable talking to her, and just so you know, I’m nit very used to opening up, but I did because it felt different talking to her. And she didn’t freak out, or was so shocked, or barged me wih questions, she was calm. She comforted me and accepted me for my really insane side. And we barely knew each other for an hour. Her words were just the ones I wished to hear before, and her support made me feel that I didn’t give up yet. Even when I said that I wished to be alone earlier, maybe things can change for once. I had to kill myself the other day, but I thought that there must be a miracle, waiting around the corner for me to find, and I did. I’m so glad I did. Emma, I know you may not read this, but you just saved a life. You gave me hope that I can hold on. I hope when I meet you someday, I could finally show you the scars you’ve healed. Thank you for caring. Thank you for accepting. Thank you for existing. Isn’t it ironic that the people you haven’t known for long were the ones who made you feel to live?

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depressed and bad grades

by Lonely1345
written by Lonely1345

I am too depressed to do anything, I can’t get any homework done because im too depressed, I just look at dead girls on the internet and masturbate, then I suffocate myself and masturbate, then I cry and punch the walls, then I go to sleep. And at school Im too depressed to focus on my work, No one understands how I feel, I already trusted someone before and now even if people know about my depression it just makes things worse

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GeneralStories of HopeStories of Loss

A painful journey.

by BrokenDreams
written by BrokenDreams

Hi, I’m a visual novelist… well that what I was aiming to be.

People often tell you: ”With time you will get better.”

Well, I wonder and anyway… I don’t have the luxury to take my time. But before I tell you about my current situation let me give you a slice of my past.

At the age of 15 I moved away from my country and started to travel with my parents in a country where I couldn’t reach my friends.

Internet you say? Well there were 8 to 9hours of time difference between them and me and I didn’t have a computer so I could only go to the cyber time to time. In the end the only moment I was speaking to them was the week-end for some hours… but as time passed we grew distant to each other, I felt out of place and nobody was seeing me as a member of the group anymore.

How did I study? Well to make it simple: distant education… alone.

At that time I was the kind of person who though he was living only to help people so being alone literally broke me mentally, I felt like I didn’t had a purpose to live anymore so I thought I needed to change myself to be someone who don’t really care about anything.

I ended up living one year bearing the sadness and faking not to care at all about all this. Maybe you think it was a mistake not to say a thing  but at that time the only persons I could/wanted to make happy were my parents and even though I decided to change I wanted to hold onto this.

After this year I went back to my country but it was only for one year. At first I didn’t make a single friend because I thought it was useless, I thought that but there was this girl, every time I told her to let me alone she would come back at me with a big smile. In the end after some month I ended up having some friends and this year was probably the happiest of my life. At that time I also had some news about some internet friends I had back then before my first trip.

But then I went back traveling with my parents. This time it wasn’t that bad I had internet so I was able to keep some tie with my friends, mostly my internet friend not those from my school but that didn’t really matter. I was now 17. I made a decision here, I didn’t care about school so I might as well all in everything since I didn’t have anything. I decided to follow my new dream, the one I created to have a purpose to live: becoming a mangaka,  I decided to stop school to have more time to draw… since I started to draw late I thought that if I worked more than Anyone I could make up for the gap.

At first it went well, my growth was quite satisfying. Well, there was moment where I would feel down or cry but I was always standing up telling myself that I would become better… but then after something like a year my result didn’t get better, well they did but very slowly… way too slowly, from  here my dream started to shatter. I would continue because I had nothing else to hold on but my life basically became something like that: eat draw cry sleep. Eat draw cry sleep. Eat draw cry sleep. Over and over, there was also time where I had fun with my friend but the more time passed the more these times felt wrong, playing with friend was a loss of time or that what it felt like so I played fewer and fewer with them. But then my drawing skill wasn’t worth that much and I was already 20 with my dream still standing even though it was so broken that it was in thousands of pieces … Well I am currently 20.

I had hope, hope that I can still make it with great story that could gap my drawing… since the main problem of my drawings were time (I’m a slow drawer.) I decided to head toward game instead of manga, visual novel to be more exact… but I don’t seem to have the skill for that either. Actually the thing I’m working on right now is the best thing I ever wrote I feel like it could actually be good… but I can’t find the force to continue it, I’m afraid every time i’m in front of the paper, I can’t write anymore, I wrote 1/10 of how long it should be but it feel like I used all my energy, if I fail now I won’t be able to get up, but I can’t even stand up to write this one, it’s actually my first work that will be public so it should be motivating me… but I’m barely standing because of this journey. I just wanted to write stories that could move people, that could make them smile, cry and give them the faith to move on. But I’m lost, afraid and no longer have any strength, I feel like dying right now after crying all those years. Even if I try to write I can’t. I never won a fight against destiny so maybe it’s just telling me to quit it.

What should I do? I can’t take my time but I’m lost…

This Journey lastey way too long…

..Thank you for reading this selfish note of my existence, I tried to skip the small details.

Ps: sorry if my English is a bit sloppy.

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Coping SkillsFun & InterestingGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NoteRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

More Perks of Being Elizabeth!

by ThePerksOfBeingMe
written by ThePerksOfBeingMe

Well, its come to my attention that there is a ton of misconception about DID especially on the internet!

If any of you have any interest in speaking to someone suffering from the disorder I encorage you to feel free to comment here, follow me on Tumblr (http://alltheperksofbeingus.tumblr.com/) or i have a KIK (theperksofbeingus) which of course is more personal! I really look forward to hearing from anyone, if I can educate just one person I feel as if I’ll be making a difference!

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Alternate Universes

by boldfront
written by boldfront

Sometimes I wonder if there really is an alternate universe, or another life, or a life in a life. And whatever might happen when you’re dead and your feet are no longer touching the ground.

What do you feel after you die? What do you see? Is everything pitch black, you with no thoughts whatsoever, you literally just gone? Are you really going to be up there, with a God who just so promised to have plans for you? Plans for your life? Or is there another life, where, once you’re dead, you live again. Live another life. Reborn. Forget your past life and just move forward. Start new.

Sometimes I wonder if a new-born baby, a toddler, or a five-year old child just strolling by the streets of Manila could have been someone I knew in the past.  Someone I met, who died sometime.

I think that’s what comforts me the most when thinking of death itself. To start fresh. To start new. To be a completely different person, maybe with a better life compared to what you have now, and to be given a second chance, you know? I’d love that.

I read what a few people wrote on my previous post, which definitely was comforting, and everything you said made me think. And those thoughts led to this.

Though again, I’m still contemplating. There’s still a band out there who saved me in more ways than possible, and I’m learning to enjoy what I have at the moment, even if there’s something twisted in my family and group of friends outside the internet.

I still have my internet friends, the people who support the same people I do, and although we’re barely in contact after what my parents have taken from me, we definitely are still in contact, and I’m thankful for every single second spent talking to them, whether it’s about this band or not. They don’t know about what I’ve been going through and I’d like to keep it that way. I feel loved when I’m with them since they don’t judge me at all for whatever I’ve been through, and I guess that’s all I really wanted, you know? To feel loved, since knowing you’re loved doesn’t move the same extent.

And these boys in One Direction? I feel loved. After everything they’ve done for me.

And from my last post–I get that I can still listen to them. Even when they’re gone. Listen to them when I’m upset or angry or just flat out happy. Because I do listen to them. That’s all I’ve been doing at the moment. But it doesn’t move past the comfort of just knowing they’re still doing it, their dream of making music, of entertaining crowds and crowds of people.

This is why the alternate universe thoughts make me feel safer.
I’d rather just die-with no thoughts, everything pitch black. Or with a God, looking down at them, letting them live their dreams, and watching them fade away without feeling just a void of emptiness, of sadness. Or in a new life, where I’m born again, as a child, with thoughts running freely and a wide imagination. Where I don’t care so much about the little things. And I wouldn’t even know what a ‘One Direction’ would be, and would have no interest in them or whatever drama, happiness or sadness revolved around them.

I’d rather die knowing that the actual people who make me feel loved won’t even know I was gone. The boys still wouldn’t know I existed, my friends would think I’m just MIA. My family, I know they could care less. My circle of friends outside the internet would move on. I’ll be okay, won’t I? I don’t know.

Eliza.

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feeling down

by nomorepain461
written by nomorepain461

. i just wish i could connect with someone. i dont know if i have much time left with my internet. Also, im not sure if i have much of my particular life left. I wish i could say something meaningful right now, something that i can give to the world, before i pass away either from heartache, or from some other reason.

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Message to No12run2

by Pretend Girl
written by Pretend Girl

I’m writing to you here because I wanted to be sure you got my message. Sorry I couldn’t respond earlier- no internet at home.

I’m sorry you are facing homelessness, depression, loneliness, hunger AND finding a place for you dog! This is a lot to deal with!!  I can understand how terrible loneliness is- I am too. And the feeling of not knowing what to do, esp, when options are few? OH ! Not something I’d wish on an enemy.

So, what can you do? I’m glad you posted. Venting it, journaling about it can help.

When I read your words, two things that strike me. Finding a place for you to stay.

Have you checked with your human services in your town or county? They often have services for low income residents. Google county health centers or county human services and your county to find out if you can find them. When I was in WI they helped me when I was homeless. First, I stayed in a half-way house for two weeks until there was an opening in a temporary housing apt complex through a referral through my county health center. (I was in counseling with them at the time.) I don’t know if this will help you but please look into to it. Or what about shelters? I know that is not where you want to be but wouldn’t it be better than nothing?

The second thing is your dog. Is there a neighbor who can help or ask them if they know anyone who might keep the dog? I know this is weighing on your heart. I wish I had wise words.

I can understand your frustration through all of this. Keep searching. I am wishing the best for you. Please let me know how you are.

Now is the time- to take great care of YOU. Hard I know but keep going and you’ll make it.1

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Rants

!?

by mranony
written by mranony

Why do I keep thinking of the consequences and guilt whenever I’m on top of a building or anywhere I could jump?

Having a drug-user(plus unforgettable hatred) father, unstable mother, brother with anger management issue, another brother with high IQ and a depressed girlfriend is hard.

And now I’m bitching on the internet about it. I suck.

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