Can’t take it!! I feel like a constant failure all the time, everybody tells me that I’m great, that I’m awesome, brilliant, smart… My family loves me, my brother cares more about me that I do, my friends always bring me back up, but I just had lost it…
I suffer from anxiety and depression, I went to therapy when I used to cry every single time at any hour the second I got up my bed, it helped a little, but to be honest I never told her my truth feelings, then things at home got bad, my thoughts about family went from ‘amazing’ […]
Tag:
Jerk
I wrote a post on here earlier this week saying should I tell the people who bullied me how I wasn’t going to do it but after talking with a friend of mine she gave me a valid point and said: i think this is a really good idea you have to speak out b/c a lot of people whose being bullied or bullied don’t really speak out and they hide their feelings inside and no one really know the whole truth and if you do it at least you did something to prevent this from happening to other people and that this took courage. I did […]
I’ve just accepted that I will never be the same, not that I was ever right to begin with. I know everyone feels like that. I know this will change. I know everyone is very “sympatheticâ€. I also know, none of this changes how I feel. It doesn’t make me feel better that everyone else feels like shit too- it makes me feel hopeless. It doesn’t make me feel better that you think this will change- it’s been eight years so excuse me if I’m not trusting your psychic powers to foresee my future. I know you care and “are there†for me- well of […]
It’s true. I love Trevor. Ya know, when I was little, and I watched TV shows, I always saw the girls freaking out over the guys. They would always say, “I love the way he says my name…”. I thought they were crazy. But then I found something out. They’re not. I had an after school rehearsal today. I sat by Trevor. He said my name every time he talked to me. And I love the way he says it. Oh my gosh, he said, “Courtney, he’s talking about measure blah blah blah,” and I said, ” I think it’s measure blah blah blah”. A […]
I understand that it seems like I just want to kill myself or whatever when a guy is  mean to me, but that’s just part of it. I’m already right at the edge. I’ve gone through seeing people die since I was 4. I didn’t understand it then, but I did at 8, when my grandpa died. He died right in front of me. Of course, that messed me up. Then I only had one grandparent, because my other grandpa had pretty much disowned my family after the death of my grandma on my mom’s side (the death when I was 4). So all I […]
“It’s a new day”, she thinks.
Open the blinds, the sun is shinning. She grabs her laptop, opens up itunes and puts some happy song playing.
“This will be a better day, it has to be.”
Hops up in the shower, singing along with the music, feeling the water wash away all the bad stuff. It almost seems like everything is okey, like the darkness is starting to go away. Her long hair is all pretty, and she looks at the mirror comtemplating herself.
“Maybe today someone will understand, maybe today someone will truly be there for me. Maybe I won’t be alone anymore.”
The music is still playing while […]
SO after all my suicide attempts and losts inside my mind…I need to be fine at once! i started going to a doctor and i maybe change school because everyone there is a jerk-.- im afraid i wont make it!:|
I guess I’m just your entertainment
Cuz my posts tend to rhyme
So for today’s show, I’ll dive to the pavement
And blow my brains out at the same time
‘Wow Nick, nice poem’
Is that all you’ve got to say?
No ‘Go out there and show ’em’
Just ‘I could read this all day’
Well golly sir, thank you!
Your compliment just changed my mind
I was gonna hang myself, but thanks to you
IÂ think I’ll be just fine
‘Well you don’t have to be a jerk
We were just being nice’
Sorry, but it didn’t work
And can I give you some advice?
Just because somebody is expressive
In a […]
My sister died two weeks ago. Both of us had struggled with depression all our lives, but found different ways to deal with it… which caused us to have little in common the last few years. We had been communicating again and on good terms since summer, but had not actually seen each other (except when she was in the ICU) since a family get-together about two years ago.
At that event there was drama, which I loathe, and a lot of misunderstanding and misrepresentation of a letter I’d written her saying I was just completely burned out, used up, and could not function any more trying […]
Its been a bit over a month since I made my first (and only) post here. Since then, I rebounded, was on a high, doing alright actually.
Today Ive rebounded back down. Funny how suddenly it hits. And I can tell you when it hit. Some jerk at work with no courtesy ringing and carrying on that I send him a weekly report, which he doesnt want (I guess delete and ignore like everyone else does isnt in his brain). Just being put back in my place is all it takes. Now here I am wishing it was all over again.
Of course its much more complex […]
I’m 17 Â years old and i really want to die right now. As a child i was sexually abused by my uncle. My dad is a jerk. My mom is a control freak. She wants me to do things that I don’t love. I even cried in front of her for like 10x already. I begged her many times that I really want to do what I love. They are all the same my grandma, uncles, aunts. My friends they just love me for my money. I was bullied in school for being ugly. I have low self esteem. I really want to make some […]
When a guy tells you he loves you, he really means it. Unless he’s just a complete jerk. When you break up with a guy, he might seem like he’s ok with it, but he’s really dying on the inside. Girls seem to move on to the next guy after a few days of crying. Guys will feel the pain for the rest of our lives. There isn’t a day that goes by when you aren’t on our minds. Nobody could ever love you more than the way we do. I just wanted to let you know. The pain hurts so much, that I just […]
I’m tired of hiding behind a fake smile. I’m tired of having all the panic attacks. I’m tired of dreaming of you every single night. I’m tired of waking up each day, hating myself for losing you. I’m tired of this 5 month long depression. I’m tired of living this unhappy life. I think tonight will be the night. Just remember, not a second has gone by that I haven’t loved you. I’m sorry about being that egotistical jerk I was in the past. I’ve changed, but it’s just way too late. I just can’t do this anymore, I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long. This […]
I hate being one, and I’m sure you do too. But you know, sometimes it can’t be helped.
I see people struggling to get through life, and I try to help them. I tell them it will get better. I try to give them hope.
But you know, I don’t feel that way. I refuse for people to get close to me because I’m a worthless *****. I’ve given up hope. I don’t think it will ever get better.
Of course, being the hypocrite I am, I will say that all I want to do is die, but I don’t want you to because […]
i will never understand someone who can say someone else is judgmental and that person themselves are. My sister judges me a lot. She calls me a jerk, mean, emotionless everything, and i dont understand why. She doesn’t know what i went through everyday at school. Do i think im a jerk and all that? No! And if i am then i don’t mean to be. Everyone has their off days. it just pisses me the freak off when she says that stuff about me. I feel like she doesnt even know anything about me or my life, or the things i go through, and she has the nerve to sit […]
the reason i have been a total jerk on here is cause of my family my parents think my brother and sister are golden children and im the retarded runt of the litter. whenever i do something right its the wrong way to do it.but when my siblings do something wrong like smoke weed its all okay.but with me they act like im a disgusting thing that they wish wasnt theres.
I.. um .. i went in to a fight with the boy i like , because i was having a bad day , and i called him a jerk  … now he’s not talking to me , AT ALL . I had a big fight with my mom…. she hates me , she sayd i should go out , and drink myself till I die …. i feel so small …. i feel .. alone . :’c
I’m sorry for existing … because i really , really don’t want to hurt anybody … but … i cant stand this anymore .. I hate this , […]
yeah nothing has gotten better ever since i finally listened to what she told me and left her a lone. i got accused for a lot of things, a harraser, a stalker, just a complete jerk for something that my heart was telling me to do. which at that point i feel like i can never trust my heart again.. i tried going out there and finding someone to replace her i really did but no one is like her and no one will ever be like her… im depressed and i miss her so much but its always in my head that she never […]
My children were taking away by DCF. They are my life I have nothing and no will to live. No one cares they live there life. My husband is a jerk he thinks everything will be ok….he is a fool. I dont wanna get out of bed i want my family back they are my life i want to die